(Minghui.org) I’m an elderly practitioner who started practicing Dafa in 1998. Reflecting on my more than 20 years of cultivation, I know there are still many attachments and human notions within me. Today, as the Fa-rectification draws to a close, our compassionate Master once again sternly reminds us to solidly cultivate, quickly eliminate our human notions and attachments, and find our way back to our true selves.
Master said:
“Why have the old forces been so harsh toward Dafa disciples? On the one hand, they are jealous of you. On the other, they look down on certain Dafa disciples who have too many and too strong of human thoughts, who are not grounded in the Fa in different situations, and who look at things in human ways. That is why tribulations are great for those who don’t do well, and if it goes on like that it is downright dangerous!” (“Dafa Spiritual Practice Is Serious”)
Comparing myself with Master’s teachings, I realized that I’m far from meeting the standards of the Fa and Master’s requirements. In the remaining time, I must purify myself on the path of assisting Master in Fa-rectification, better save sentient beings, and fulfill my vows. To avoid deviating from the Fa by thinking or doing things not aligned with Dafa’s principles, I have become determined to maintain righteous thoughts at all times and to achieve a deeper understanding of the Fa through Fa study.
I was often disturbed by thought karma. Unexpected negative thoughts would frequently arise, and I would often unconsciously indulge in them due to my attachments. So I looked inward daily, asking myself where I was not in line with the principles of Dafa. I worked hard to correct any wrong thoughts or notions. When negative thoughts emerged, I would promptly recognize that they were not mine. As soon as they arose, I would negate and extinguish them, not allowing them any space to thrive.
By prioritizing my cultivation of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance in my thoughts restrained my speech and behavior. One day, to my pleasant surprise, I noticed that the resentment I’d had for my younger sister for over a decade had vanished without my noticing. Now, no matter how I look at her, everything seems agreeable, something I would never have dared to hope for before!
I’m four years older than my sister and one year older than my brother. My sister grew up in an environment filled with praise, which fostered her arrogant and domineering personality. My parents are from another province, and relatives from all over often came to visit them. My sister was particularly unhappy about this and would often show displeasure to the guests, say unpleasant things in front of them, or even get into conflicts. Some of our relatives didn’t like her and would speak ill of her in front of my mother, embarrassing my parents.
Over a decade ago, my uncle passed away, but his property was still registered in his name. My aunt needed my father to officially relinquish his right to my uncle’s property in order to inherit it. My father quickly completed the procedures for my aunt. However, my sister kept causing trouble, saying that, according to the law, our father was entitled to a portion of the property, and she couldn’t understand why he would give it to his sister.
She refused to agree with what our aunt had asked our father to do and criticized her. My aunt has no children of her own, is of good character, is respectful of my grandmother, and treated my parents well, so I respected her. Because of that incident, my feeling about my sister’s behavior changed from confusion to resentment.
Thirty years ago, my parents were in poor health, and I often had to take care of them. Seeing that they were getting older, I wanted them to move closer to me. I discussed it with my brother and sister and suggested that we each contribute 20,000 yuan to buy our parents a house, but they disagreed and even criticized me.
To make it easier to take care of my parents, my husband and I saved money to buy them a new home nearby. At that time, there was no elevator. As my parents aged and found it difficult to go up and down the stairs, we moved them to a new building with an elevator. Throughout the moves, relatives and friends knew that it was my husband who’d bought the home, and my parents often mentioned it.
I never expected that, as soon as my father passed away, my sister announced that my mother and father had paid for half of the home. My mother, who had always favored my sister, got very angry. She even wrote a statement declaring that she had never said any such thing and that the house, including the renovations, was a gift from her son-in-law (my husband). Whenever I thought about the sacrifices I had made for this family over the past 40 plus years, a deep feeling of despair arose in my heart, turning my resentment for my sister into profound hatred.
The day after my father died, my sister and my sister-in-law, who were receiving guests at the funeral home, had a dispute over the amount money people had donated (although there was no mistake). After the funeral, my sister kept complaining about my brother and his wife, and she wanted my daughter to check the amount of the donated money at my home. I knew there would be trouble, but because I was afraid of my sister, I didn’t dare refuse. As expected, as soon as she entered my home, she started quarreling and causing a scene. My mother is a dignified person, and she was upset. My resentment for my sister had reached its breaking point!
Previously, in order to let go of the resentment, I had been looking inward and reading other practitioners’ experience sharing articles on how to let go of resentment. I also witnessed the practitioners around me being dragged down by the old forces due to their resentment, causing a negative impact on Dafa and immense losses in saving sentient beings.
During this process, I often exchanged views with other practitioners. With their help, I felt like I had let it go and wouldn’t hate my sister anymore. But whenever something happened, the bitterness and grievances would still surge up like a raging river. I would lose my appetite, have trouble sleeping, and become disheartened. Every time I saw my sister, my heart would ache. It got to the point where just seeing her number pop up on my phone would make me nervous.
Looking back, all this was nothing at all. So why did that lingering resentment accompany me for so many years? Looking within, I found my capacity for compassion and forbearance was lacking. I couldn’t accommodate my sister, I didn’t handle things based on the Fa, and I gradually started to resent her. This resentment then developed into hatred and eventually became uncontrollable.
All these emotions revolved around my “false” self, and it struggled bitterly. What was I fighting for? I fought for reputation, fearing disgrace among my relatives and friends; I fought for profit, fearing loss of self-interest; I fought for emotions, fearing turmoil and harm. In short, when it came to my relationship with my sister, I hadn’t met the standard of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
As a cultivator, if one doesn’t follow Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, isn’t that deviating from the Fa? Isn’t that dangerous? Fortunately, as I truly immersed myself into the Fa, subtly and without any awareness, I was able to effortlessly untangle the knot of resentment. How miraculous! This happens when a cultivator assimilates to the Fa and the power of Dafa is demonstrated.
Searching further, isn’t this “hatred” derived from “sentimentality?” Fortunately, I can now cultivate myself according to Dafa’s principles.
When I delve even deeper, what is this “sentimentality” then? Isn’t it just selfishness? This “false” self is precisely the embodiment of selfishness, it’s the principle of the old universe. Master asks us to “ ... so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I am so grateful to Master! It’s Master’s compassionate guidance that has let me understand the deeper meaning of “enlightenment.” By removing my resentment for my sister, I see light amid the darkness!
If there are any inadequacies in the above understanding, please kindly correct me.
I bow to Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
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Category: Cultivation Insights
