(Minghui.org) Greetings respected Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!
I started practicing Falun Dafa just two years ago, so my understanding of the teachings is still not deep. Should there be anything inappropriate in my sharing, please kindly correct me.
I had a strong interest in Buddhism and Taoism. My background is in the sciences, and I’ve been interested in physics and chemistry since I was very young. I applied mathematical and physical concepts to analyze the teachings of Buddhism and Taoism. This habit continued when I began practicing Falun Dafa.
When I read what Master taught in Zhuan Falun about other dimensions, I found it aligned with my intellectual curiosity, so I often mulled over the underlying principles. I read Master’s “Teachings at the Conference in Switzerland” in 1998, and repeatedly read the section where Master explained the universe and the material world. Despite my repeatedly reading, I still didn’t understand. In an attempt to gain clarity I turned to contemporary physics lectures, hoping they might affirm Master’s teachings, and thus help me deepen my understanding of Dafa.
I once watched a video of a lecture given by an American physicist at a university in China, in which the relationship between quantum mechanics and Buddhism was discussed. I was deeply convinced by the lecture, and I felt it helped me deepen my understanding of Falun Dafa and the Fa.
That evening, I quickly entered a tranquil state when I meditated. I usually see various scenes, such as numerous eyes watching me. That night, shortly after I entered tranquility, these eyes appeared and surrounded me. But as I entered deeper tranquility, they vanished. A giant monster with a gaping mouth appeared and charged towards me. I was terrified. I came out of the tranquil state and repeatedly said, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” I wondered what I did wrong. I thought of Master’s words in “What Has Teacher Given to Students?” of Lecture Three in Zhuan Falun.
Master said,“My fashen will protect you until you are able to protect yourself. At that time, you will cultivate in Beyond-Triple-World-Fa, and you will have already achieved the Tao. However, you must treat yourself as a true cultivator, and then you can make it.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
I suddenly realized: Cultivation is serious; a minor misstep can lead to a major detour. I studied the Fa as though I were doing scientific research—I was obsessed with so-called scientific theories, and I even used them to prove Master’s teachings. I did not have unwavering faith in Master and Dafa, and I did not regard myself as a genuine Falun Dafa practitioner.
When one is attached to scientific theories, the old forces will seize the opportunity to disrupt one’s cultivation. I knew I must quickly correct myself and return to genuine cultivation, be guided by Dafa and Master, and be a true cultivator.
Expanding My Compassion
I was fortunate to participate in promoting Shen Yun. My role was to reach out to potential customers over the phone and tell them about the show. However, my success rate was low. Those who did answer the phone said they were not interested, and some even hung up before I finished talking.
Repeated rejections made me feel that I was engulfed by negativity. At one point I hadn’t managed to interest a single person even after I made hundreds of phone calls. I felt as though I was surrounded by immense karma that weighed heavily on my heart. I put down the phone, and read On Dafa in Zhuan Falun. I looked at Master’s picture and asked: “Master, why is it so hard to save people?” A feeling of bitterness begun forming in my heart.
That evening, still feeling agitated, I browsed the Minghui.org website. I noticed an article about a march by Falun Dafa practitioners in Flushing, New York. One photo showed practitioners holding up a big sign, which displayed photos of many practitioners who had been persecuted to death in China. Underneath their photos, there was a caption that read: “They sacrificed their lives just to tell you the truth!” This image moved me to tears. I seemed to hear Master asking me, “Why do you find it difficult? These practitioners gave their lives to save people. Is making calls in your comfortable room that difficult?”
I realized that Master was trying to enlighten me, and that my preoccupation with the outcome of my actions was the reason my emotions fluctuated. I was too focused on my feelings—I felt elated when the people I talked to were interested in seeing Shen Yun, and despondent when I failed.
It seemed that even when I worked on Dafa projects, my focus was still on personal gain and loss. My selfishness blocked me from cultivating compassion, leaving me vulnerable to the influence of karma.
My task is to seek out those with predestined relationships, those whom Master wants to save, while at the same time continually gaining enlightenment in Dafa, to refine myself, elevate myself and to foster a heart of compassion. Compassion can help me relinquish my ego and having compassion can help me save others.
Abandoning an Ordinary Mindset and Following Master’s Arrangement
Before I began practicing I focused on efficiency and set specific goals and deadlines for myself. After I began practicing I realized that these so-called “strong points” were hindering my cultivation and self-improvement. My emphasis on efficiency led to anxiety when I encountered challenges or when I felt it was impossible to meet my objectives. This anxiety surfaced when I became involved in Dafa projects.
When I began helping promote Shen Yun I set up an email distribution system to reach out to potential customers. However, I wasn’t happy with my system because it relied on an external database and I tried to find a replacement.
This year, I was responsible again for sending promotional emails for Shen Yun group ticket sales. I encountered a system error when I attempted to establish the database as I did last year. The new database consistently failed to operate within the server environment. After it failed more than ten times for two consecutive days, I was unable to find the reason it failed. Shen Yun promotion was already underway, so we needed to send the emails immediately. I felt anxious and worried. I felt it was interference from other dimensions, so I kept sending righteous thoughts, but it was no use. I was so frustrated that I pounded on the keyboard and accidentally broke my eyeglasses.
After I calmed down, I decided to give up the idea of setting up my own system, instead I revisited a client-side email distribution software that I explored two years ago. That was when a miracle happened: in fact this client-side software had been continuously upgraded over the past two years, and now had all the functions that I required for email distribution. It’s distribution performance was even better than the system I set up.
Reflecting on this incident, I’m filled with profound regret. Master already prepared an alternative approach for me, and at the same time it was an opportunity to test my xinxing. But I failed this test, I failed to control my anxiety. I now understand that while ordinary people feel that they can enhance efficiency through hard work, and that they can control tasks with various methods, actually the divine determines the outcome. We need to let go of our ordinary people’s mindset, and do our utmost without attachment to pursuit. Master’s arrangement is always the best.
Eliminating the Illusion of Sickness
My family member has practiced Falun Dafa for over two decades, so even though I only recently began practicing, I’ve heard Master’s teachings through the audios and videos that practitioners in my family play at home. Without realizing it, Master’s teachings have been incorporated into my principles and values, and became the guiding principle of my professional and personal life. Over the years, Master’s teachings have brought substantial benefits in my career and overall well-being. I’m immensely thankful for Master’s profound benevolence. After I moved to Toronto, I’ve been eager to participate in Dafa projects. I hope to contribute to the best of my ability.
At the beginning of this year, I asked the coordinator to allow me to continue helping promote Shen Yun. When he agreed, I planned to do something big. However, sickness karma suddenly blocked me. It started with a sore throat and fever. I had these symptoms before, but they stopped when I did the exercises and sent righteous thoughts. This time, the condition worsened.
That evening I developed a high fever and my legs were so weak that I couldn’t leave my bed. The symptoms persisted for an entire day with no improvement. The following night I lay in bed, wracked with a high fever and I was unable to sleep. Even though I was in a dazed state, my main conscience was aware that this was interference from another dimension, and I had to eliminate it.
I mustered all my strength and sat up. I yelled, “Is it you, a demon, meddling with me? Who are you? How dare you obstruct my participation in a Dafa project to save people?” I immediately felt a surge of positive energy, the high fever subsided, and my mind became much clearer. The tribulation ended.
After sleeping for seven hours straight, I woke up the next day feeling very good. I organized the customer data, and prepared to make phone calls and send emails. It was a highly productive day.
While I was elated with my successful breakthrough, what I didn’t anticipate was that the symptoms of sickness would resurface with greater intensity. This time my throat was in such intense pain that I could not speak, and my body was racked with chills. I returned to bed, piling on three layers of quilts, yet I still felt as though I lay on a block of ice and the cold penetrated to my core.
I was so cold I shook, and I couldn’t sit up to send forth righteous thoughts. I struggled to reach for my cell phone and found the Dafa music. I repeatedly played, “Be saved” (Dedu). After listening dozens of times, tears streamed down my face, my heartbeat and breathing gradually steadied, and slowly returned to normal.
I realized that the illness karma struck me twice because I hadn’t fully let go of it the first time; I was too anxious, and I gave too much weight to its interference. Overcoming this test of illness karma requires not just one determined thought, but the firm wish to eliminate it. We must eliminate fear and zealotry, and we shouldn’t be sidetracked by the illusion of illness. Once I completely let go, the interference ceased.
I realized that my cultivation hasn’t been good. I wasn’t able to let go of my attachments when faced with conflict of personal interest and affection among family members, and I failed to look inward. I still fall short of being a qualified Dafa disciple. Yet, Master continues to enlighten and correct me, and I’m grateful. I will strive to improve my cultivation, follow the Fa, and incorporate the principles of the Fa into my everyday life, and continue setting higher standards for myself.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
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