(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I started on the path of cultivation when I was almost 23 years old in October, 2020. The miracles I experienced and the changes in me are beyond what anyone could have imagined.
Completely Lost to Drug Addiction
I began using drugs when I was 14 years old. At 16, I started stealing cars to support my addiction. By 18, I became such a hardcore drug addict that I was estranged from my family and had to live on the streets. It seemed like my life just revolved around stealing cars, getting high and finding the next fix.
I never thought about how my actions harmed people or thought that drugs were bad for society. I had the mentality that I would never quit. I was never sober, unless I was in jail or rehab.
One day in 2019, I was driving a stolen car in downtown Calgary. When a police officer tried to stop me, I was frightened and tried to escape by speeding away. However, I was driving down a one-way street in the wrong direction and was about to drive into a military parade as I turned the corner. Once I saw the parade, I turned around and kept trying to escape the police by driving faster.
I crashed the car, my forearm was shot and I almost bled to death. The police caught me.
I was arrested and taken to the hospital, and charged with flight from police and dangerous driving. I should have been given up to 10 years in jail, but I was only under house arrest for 2 years and given 2 years’ probation.
Even coming so close to death didn’t scare me nor get me to think of quitting drugs. When I was on house arrest, I continued using methadone every day. All I thought of was how I would go out and start stealing again after I was off house arrest.
I was a very bad kid and was quite stupid. My mentality was corrupted by society to such a bad state that I didn’t think I did anything wrong.
Falun Dafa Saves Me
My parents knew I was using drugs, but they didn’t know how to deal with it. They turned a blind eye since I wasn’t violent. My mother told me that when they checked my room they found where I was hiding my drugs, but they didn’t know what to do. One day she told me she prayed that I would find God and that I would be saved. Her prayer was answered.
The day I received a Falun Dafa flyer was the best day of my life. It was about one year into my house arrest. My forearm had just about healed from the gunshot wound. I managed to get out of the house to see the doctor. I still remember the Chinese lady who didn’t speak any English holding a clipboard to collect signatures to help stop forced organ harvesting in China. After she handed me a Falun Dafa flyer, I felt a sense of excitement. I always thought meditation was something interesting. I felt a strong curiosity to see what this flyer was about, and I couldn’t wait to go home to investigate it.
That very day I went online and looked at the Falun Dafa website and started listening to the lectures. Since that day I haven’t missed a single day where I didn’t study the teachings. Every word that Master Li said was so powerful. Even though at first, I understood very little, I just knew that this was what I had been looking for my entire life.
Miracles Start Happening
After I listened to the Falun Dafa lectures for the first time, I had a strong feeling that I should stop taking drugs, but it was not easy to let my addiction go. I had strong resistance and would try to find justification in the teachings to continue doing drugs. However, I wanted the Fa more than I wanted the drugs, so I kept studying even though I didn’t want to accept certain principles.
The more I studied the Fa the more I wanted to stop doing drugs. I began to restrain myself after two weeks of diligent studying. I went from using drugs every day to only using on weekends. I realized I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms; all I had was a craving for the drugs but no physical discomfort. The more I did the Falun Dafa exercises, the more I felt I could let go of the drugs.
Many bizarre things started to happen to me, kind of like small wake up calls.
I once had a small cup of lighter fluid; suddenly, this small cup of lighter fluid started to make clicking noises. The clicking noises would either be long or short, kind of like Morse code. I was curious, so I recorded the clicking noises on my phone to see what the Morse code message would be.
After going on the Internet and finding a Morse code translator, I was surprised to find out that there was an actual message in Morse code from the clicking: “vibes and meditation.” To me, “vibes” means vibrations of sound, so it was telling me to listen to the lectures more, and “meditation” was telling me I should meditate more. I felt it happened because I started to practice Falun Dafa and it was a hint.
I used to smoke cigarettes. Sometimes when I went to the garage to smoke, the radio suddenly turned on and started blasting music. The unexpected loud radio startled me. The radio never did this before; I knew that it was Master trying to get me to stop smoking. But I did not enlighten quickly enough and I kept on making the same mistake of smoking. Yet Master didn’t give up on me and the radio kept turning on when I went out for a cigarette.
Completely Abandoning My Drug Addiction
It took me six months to finally stop taking drugs, even though soon after I started practicing Falun Dafa, I had no more withdrawal symptoms but only a small craving. I kept on trying to find excuses to hang on to the drugs I still had at the time. I told myself that maybe if I could stay sober, I would become so solid and that I wouldn’t need to throw them out.
I later realized it was foolish to keep the drugs if I no longer intended to take them. One weekend, I flushed all the drugs down the toilet. As I did this, I could feel a sense of lightness and of being freed. I quit drugs, smoking and watching pornography that day, completely, with ease because of Dafa’s power and my wish to cultivate.
I told my parents that I quit doing drugs. They witnessed the power of Dafa and were very grateful. My Mom knew very well that this was God answering her prayers because she told me she often prayed to God asking him to make me sober and keep me safe.
My parents are very grateful that I obtained Dafa and say that it’s truly a miracle that I changed so much.
For a while I still had dreams during which I was tested—someone in the dream wanted to do drugs with me but I refused. At that point I knew I was very solid and I didn’t want to do drugs anymore.
I tried hard to help many of my friends, who I used to do drugs with, learn about Falun Dafa. I gradually realized that everyone chooses their future. They all have a lot of respect for Dafa because they saw how much I changed. But I couldn’t keep being friends with them. I told them they knew where to find me if they needed me, and I had to move on. It was a little lonely at times but I knew that this was good for me, as boredom and loneliness are also a form of suffering and they helped me pay off my karma.
Master Gave Me Another Chance
I thought that once I finally stopped doing drugs, cultivation would be easy, since letting go of drugs seemed like quite a big attachment. However that was only the beginning, and it wasn’t that difficult—all it took was one step and it was over. I realized that many attachments really could be removed in just one step—if you were able to take that step.
True cultivation is difficult. So many attachments must be relinquished, so many bad habits, notions and ways of thinking are actually harder to quit than drugs. Those attachments and notions are something that are within you and something that you can’t just throw away and flush down the toilet, like how I quit drugs. First of all, you have to find those attachments and recognize your shortcomings. Once you find them, you have to eliminate them through diligence, perseverance and faith.
After a month of practicing the exercises, I could feel the mechanism. I was still using drugs, but I could feel that Master was taking care of me. I could really feel I had some form of energy circulating when I did the exercises.
Then I made a huge mistake. I had a friend who had bone cancer in his legs and I tried to heal him. I could feel something going into my hands, and I immediately got scared and pulled away, since I remembered what Master said about healing.
I felt uncomfortable on my way home. I couldn’t feel the mechanisms anymore. I knew it was all over because I made such a huge mistake. I begged Master to give me another chance, hoping that I could still cultivate.
I started to feel the mechanisms again after practicing for two months and I cried, as I was so happy. Master has so much compassion, even though I did something that absolutely shouldn’t be done, Master still gave me another chance.
Breaking out of the Feeling of Being Unworthy
Even though I let go of drugs and I was completely sober after six months, I always had the feeling that I was unworthy of being a practitioner, that this Fa was too good for me, that I was too filthy, and that I didn’t deserve it.
I told everyone I knew about Falun Dafa, but it seemed everyone knew Dafa was good, but not many people wanted to practice no matter how good and capable they were.
I gradually realized that it has to do with predestined relationships, and that not everyone can actually practice. But I was always very confused as to why I was practicing, since I knew I had a lot of karma because of all the bad deeds I did in this life.
I always had the feeling that I should just stop practicing because I’ll never succeed in cultivation. How could I be chosen to cultivate? I wept about this, asking Master to please find someone who could fulfill his mission properly, as I had no faith in my own abilities.
My feelings of being unworthy and filthy kept coming up. I thought about giving up the practice, but I knew that I could not give up this Dafa.
Deep down I knew those thoughts were not genuinely from me. They were just excuses and thought karma concerned about living a comfortable life and returning to being an ordinary human.
But my wish to cultivate was stronger. So I didn’t let my past wrongdoings affect my cultivation, although I knew I had to suffer more than others. I need to have faith that Master made the right decision to allow me to cultivate.
I realized that there was interference, and that demons did not want me to go to the practice site. One day I decided I would just drink a lot of coffee and stay up all night, then wait until I could finally take the bus and make it to the practice site.
The moment I entered the practice site, I had a feeling of great joy. It was very early when I got there, so I waited and waited for practitioners to finally show up. When they came, I knew that this is where I belonged.
I began going to the practice site every weekend. I felt like I was ready to take on any tribulation, as long as it could help me improve in my cultivation and improve my xinxing.
Promoting Shen Yun, and Developing a Heart for Saving Sentient Beings
I always secretly loved classical music. I always understood music was energy, and the messages in music influence our minds. I know that, because listening to classical music helped me keep a little morality, and kept me from becoming a completely degenerate human.
But I kept it a secret, because if the crowd I was in learned that I liked simple piano or flute music, I would have been laughed at. We used to always listen to degenerate music like gangster rap or rock music, which seriously affected me. Most modern music is filled with bad messages; every note of those sound leads one to create bad thought karma and do bad deeds.
I experienced a miracle when I understood that degenerate music is bad. When I wanted to stop listening to it and abandon it completely, I suddenly no longer liked the songs I used to listen to. Master removed the bad notions about which music I liked once I became very clear on this principle. I really couldn’t enjoy that kind of degenerate music at all anymore.
This made me realize the sacred power of Shen Yun music. Every note leads people not only to be good, but leads people straight to heaven and eliminates karma.
I immediately wanted to contribute and became a ticket salesperson. My parents, who aren’t practitioners, couldn’t understand why I would volunteer for Shen Yun so much, doing it almost every day for a long time. They began to have negative thoughts about Dafa and told me that something was wrong.
I explained that I wanted to do this because Shen Yun helps people return to tradition and revives traditional Chinese culture, but they always gave me a hard time, and said negative things. I was worried and had thoughts of wavering. I thought that I didn’t want to damage the reputation of Dafa, and that I should stop doing so much volunteering for Shen Yun to remove my parents’ negative thoughts.
Then I realized, their negative thoughts were actually a result of my own bad factors. I looked within and found that my attitude was not 100% correct when I went out to sell tickets. I was worried that my parents would have negative thoughts, and I thought about how to make excuses for why I was doing so much volunteering for Shen Yun. My state of mind wasn’t right.
One day, I was thinking there aren’t many people in Calgary who can sell tickets, and I love doing this. I know exactly what’s in store for me and for the beings seeing Shen Yun; I really want to save sentient beings, and I know the value of what I’m doing; and I have to do it because I love to. That day when I was leaving to sell tickets and said good-bye, my mom looked at me and said, “How could I tell you what to do when you have such a big smile on your face? It looks like you really love what you’re doing.” When she said this, I became even happier.
Master said,
“We have said that good or bad comes from a person’s initial thought, and the thought at that moment can bring about different consequences.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Ever since then, my parents have been extremely supportive, and their attitudes completely changed. They even started to encourage me to do more for Shen Yun.
They watched the Shen Yun show twice. Their attitudes have been very positive towards Dafa and they say they are very proud of me and thank Master Li.
Learning to Forgive Others
Compassion is the state of an enlightened being, and many arrangements in our lives are made by Master to help us develop compassion thorough conflicts that test and temper our hearts. I learned that to have compassion, I need to be more forgiving and develop a heart of mercy, and think of others first.
When I was working at a restaurant, my boss always asked for money because he was going through an ordeal and needed help. I loaned him a lot of money, and he paid it back slowly.
He was an alcoholic and lied to get money from me. He told me not to tell anyone. He actually conned everyone he could at our workplace, and he owed people a lot of money.
I was very upset because I had to work with him every day. He was my boss, but he always treated me badly even though he owed me hundreds of dollars.
I realized I was emotionally moved by the situation. I realized that this was an amazing opportunity to develop compassion and mercy. I told myself that his suffering must have been hard, working every day over a hot stove and battling with addiction as an ordinary person. I forgave him and wanted to help him.
When he yelled and blamed me for not doing good, and blatantly lied to me to try to get more money, I smiled and was happy for he was taking his pain out on me. I didn’t let the money he owed, his lies, or his insults get to me—I just wanted him to take out all his anger and sadness on me so that he could feel better.
Even though I stopped giving him money, he still asked. I realized that there was something else I needed to do. Eventually I had a very serious conversation with him about how he can’t keep conning people, because it would cost him his job and his virtue. He wept and told me he was touched by my tolerance, and that he never owed someone so much money but was still was treated so kindly.
After our conversation he started paying me back. He wanted to go to rehab and be a good person. He became easygoing and his tone became calmer at work.
I learned to be more forgiving and compassionate from this experience. I remind myself to always have positive thoughts about others no matter how badly they treat me.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, everyone!
(Presented at the 2024 Canada Fa Conference)
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