(Minghui.org) I have memorized Zhuan Falun (the main teachings of Falun Dafa) four times. Right after I finished memorizing the book for the fourth time, I had some major xinxing tests. My understandings from memorizing Dafa’s teachings helped me enormously, and I could feel my notions and attachments disintegrating. I’d like to share some of these experiences.
Removing Party Culture and Carelessness
My first test was about an inventory issue at work. A customer service manager from headquarters sent dozens of spare parts to us in August. These were provided free of charge by suppliers, so we could provide maintenance services to our clients. I was busy and the maintenance engineer, Gang, didn’t think we needed to log the spare parts into the system. He said they were old and it would be a waste of time. I agreed and, without checking with the customer service manager who sent them, we just kept the spare parts at the repair unit so the engineers could use them when needed.
I thought about it again last December and was worried the finance department might check the inventory. I talked to Gang and he repeated the same thing about it being a waste of time. He said we could just wait and see if the finance department asked for it. Once again, I agreed with him instead of checking with the customer service manager.
Then earlier this year, the finance department emailed me asking for the inventory with photos of all the spare parts. I panicked and told my manager. Then the customer service manager called me up and said I should have informed her about this earlier. If the finance department were to report this to senior management, it would affect the performance of our department, she explained.
So I quickly added the spare parts to the inventory, and forwarded it to my manager, along with the photos. I told Gang about it the next day and asked him to help with a list of spare parts lent to other engineers, but he still refused. My manager heard about this and talked to him. Then Gang finally provided a list, and I forwarded everything to the finance department and closed the case.
When I was reflecting on this later, I realized I had strong Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture. On the surface, I stand up for the principles I believe in and dare to speak out. In reality, I didn’t follow company policy and instead took careless risks. If I’m being influenced by the Party culture, how can I really act according to the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and become a genuine practitioner?
Treatment from Coworkers Exposes My Attachments
Later, I moved to a new company. For some reason, two of my coworkers often give me a hard time, even though I have treated them nicely. Sometimes they intentionally humiliated me in front of others.
At first I was moved by this. Although I didn’t argue with them, I was still resentful in my mind. When I did the sitting meditation, I would burp, as if my anger had no place to vent. As I continued studying the Falun Dafa teachings, I learned to look at this situation as Master taught us, and consider it as an opportunity to improve my xinxing.
Now I realize they treated me this way to expose my jealousy and attachments to fame and comfort. On the surface, I wanted to avoid conflicts; in reality, I often assumed others had bad intentions and I was unwilling to help others selflessly. I started dreaming that I was walking around naked from the waist down. At first I thought this was a hint about my lust; now I know it was a reflection of all the filthy thoughts I had. Holding on to them meant I was a long way away from being a genuine practitioner, but I didn’t realize this before.
As I looked within more, I realized something else. One of the salesmen called Yang often referred to me by the name of another coworker in emails. I raised it with him, but he didn’t care and kept doing it. I later realized that I’d done the same thing myself. Once, a coworker called Ling went on maternity leave without informing me. I noticed someone else seemed to have taken on her work, but I didn’t check their name and continued to refer to them as Ling. When I realized how rude this was, I apologized to them. After that, Yang also stopped referring to me as someone else. Cultivation is very interesting and I truly thank Master Li for all these opportunities.
Another example is that I used to look down on Fen because she has a big ego and often talks very loudly. It seemed she’d really been brainwashed by CCP culture. When looking within, I noticed I was the same. Because I was raised since childhood with a communist education, my mind still harbored hatred and class struggle, rather than traditional values. As a result, I didn’t respect others and often hurt them. After realizing this, I began to change and correct myself when I noticed my omissions.
Recognizing My Lies and the Importance of Being Truthful
For quite a long time, I thought I’d done well in terms of being truthful. I thought of myself as a pure, kind person who didn’t lie. But recently some coworkers said that I wasn’t trustworthy and I often talked about random things that couldn’t be verified. I suddenly realized I must have made some mistakes in this area; otherwise they wouldn’t say such things.
For example, once, the factory couldn’t deliver products on time, and the shipping date kept getting postponed. The client was really unhappy, and the salesperson took out their anger on me. He felt he’d lost his client’s trust because the products I’d promised weren’t shipped on time. I was a bit indifferent, thinking the delay was caused by the production unit, rather than me. Looking back, I knew I should have checked with the production unit to get a realistic delivery date, instead of giving the salesperson a date based on my own assumptions. This showed me I wasn’t being truthful.
Thinking further, I noticed that many things I’ve done in the past didn’t demonstrate truthfulness. Once, practitioner Fang told Jing and me that she couldn’t come to group Fa study as planned. Jing and I had both taken a half day off work for group study and Fang gave us very late notice. She later told us it was because her husband suddenly came home and she didn’t dare mention group study because her husband always followed her wherever she went out. When she said this, I blurted out without thinking, “You should have said you were going to your mother’s place.” Fang didn’t say anything, but when Jing heard about this later, she immediately asked me, “How could you tell Fang to lie?” I felt very guilty and thought: why did I do that?
Another time, I took the afternoon off to print some Dafa materials at another apartment we own. When I got there, I was surprised to see my father there doing some cleaning. He asked me why I was there during work hours. Because my mother had died from the persecution and I had previously been imprisoned for my belief, I didn’t dare tell him I was there to print Dafa materials. So instead I told him the key I made the other day for this apartment didn’t work and I came back to try it again.
My father started complaining about the locksmith doing such a poor job. I said it was hard to duplicate a key for this kind of lock and last time it also took two attempts to get it right. I felt bad about adding to the lie but I didn’t know what else to do, since I didn’t dare make my father angry.
When I reflect on this, and the inventory issue I mentioned at the start of my sharing, I realize I need to do better at being truthful.
We are so fortunate to have Master Li looking after us all the time. We need to study the Fa well, so we can handle issues from the basis of Fa-rectification.
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Category: Improving Oneself
