(Minghui.org) Because I lacked confidence in my cultivation and because of my many attachments, I was incarcerated and persecuted by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) for practicing Falun Dafa. After I was released from prison, I was busy earning a living. Dissatisfied with myself for not meetingMaster’s and Dafa’s expectations, I felt helpless and lost hope. Although I wanted to cultivate diligently, I couldn’t seem to improve.
Human Attachments Lead to Health Problems
Because I was attached to worldly matters, I ended up with multiple health tribulations at the same time. I suffered from hemorrhoids that were extremely painful when I walked. The severe bleeding led to anemia, which caused me to feel tired and weak: I had to hold onto the handrail when I climbed the stairs. I also frequently had diarrhea and was plagued with excruciating tooth pain, making it difficult to eat.
These health issues led me to acquire several notions that impacted me negatively: I believed that eating certain foods would cause diarrhea so I ate less. The pain and bleeding from the hemorrhoids prevented me from doing my work properly. The anemia and fatigue took a toll on my physical and mental health and I couldn’t focus and do anything well. This vicious cycle lasted for a long time and eventually led me to resign from my job so I could rest at home.
My Health Improved After I Eliminated My Human Notions
After I quit my job, I started reading practitioners’ sharing articles on the Minghui website to eliminate the interference. I studied the Fa more, did the exercises, and memorized the Fa and looked within. I saw I had attachments to resentment, lust, and I pursued personal gain.
To purge my human notions, I told myself that practitioners are immune to germs and viruses, so I wouldn’t get diarrhea no matter what I ate. I ate light meals, gave up my preference for strong flavors, and stopped being picky about what I ate. To alleviate the tooth pain, I decided to speak less to guard my speech. To make sure I interacted with men properly, I searched the Minghui website to learn traditional etiquette between men and women in ancient times. I focused on cultivating myself and let go of my pursuit for fame and gain and my attachment to human sentiment.
All my hard work paid off, and my body returned to normal a month later. Even the hemorrhoids that bled and hurt so much for over a decade were gone. It truly was a miracle!
This experience taught me the seriousness of cultivation, and at the same time, I experienced Master’s compassionate protection.
Master told us,
“If a person truly wants to do good things, then nobody has the right to make him commit sins, and whoever does that will be cast down.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2004 Chicago Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given around the World Volume IV).
Eliminating Resentment Towards Family Members
Because I had gone astray when I was persecuted, for a long time I felt unworthy of being one of Master’s disciples and Falun Dafa practitioner. I wallowed in remorse and guilt, which allowed the old forces to exploit my gaps.
I blamed myself for not cultivating diligently. I lacked confidence when it came to doing the three things well, and even developed a mindset of giving up. I read online novels to alleviate my stress instead of studying the Fa more.
My family criticized me for not acting like a cultivator. I silently endured their harsh criticism. The heart-rending pain I felt was truly unbearable! When I began having health tribulations, I blamed my family for being overbearing and expecting me to earn money, which distracted me from cultivation. I didn’t understand the reason I was incapable of doing the three things well as a genuine Dafa cultivator was because I failed to prioritize cultivation over worldly matters, and I allowed myself to be interfered with.
No matter what tribulations I encountered and how much I suffered I told Master that I wanted to do the three things well and asked him to help me.
Master taught us,
“Cultivation is your own affair, and nobody else can do it for you.” (“Determination,” Essentials for Further Advancement).
I truly experienced the pain of intending to be diligent but constantly failing. I studied the Fa without obtaining it.
Facing My Mistakes and Correcting Them
The lesson I learned is that it’s extremely difficult to return to the righteous path after taking a wrong road. It requires one to have strong will to do well in cultivation to walk out of the shadow of self-pity that results from one’s mistakes. I realized that, as long as I wanted to practice cultivation and was determined to improve, I could overcome any difficulties!
It is possible to err in cultivation, but I must have the courage to face whatever mistakes I make and readily accept it when others point them out. I must dare to expose my mistakes, leaving no place for the evil to hide. Making excuses and shirking one’s responsibilities after making a mistake are characteristics of CCP culture, which hindered me from passing these tribulations.
Master taught us,
“Who is capable of never making mistakes, anyway? And what do mistakes count for? We just need to correct them, don’t we? The crux of the matter is your attachments. Aren’t you supposed to cultivate away your human attachments? If you always try to be evasive, keep things from being hit on, and are unwilling to get rid of them, that is a big problem.” (Teaching at the Conference in Los Angeles).
Nothing in the world is more regrettable than losing the opportunity to cultivate. I will continue to practice Falun Dafa and do the three things well!
Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation!
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Category: Cultivation Insights
