(Minghui.org) The title of my sharing is a quote from Zhuan Falun. In my many years of cultivation I’ve come to understand: Practicing Zhen [Truthfulness] is easy. For good people, just tell the truth. For bad people, just say what you want without fear of upsetting people. Having Shan [Compassion] takes more of an open heart and consideration for others. Ren [Forbearance], however, seems to me to be more difficult for both everyday people and practitioners. My understanding is that Ren is very important for Falun Dafa practitioners.
Much of my life has been about practicing Ren. Most people can’t understand my approach to these situations, even some practitioners. However, when I listen to my instincts things turn out well.
Ordinary people and practitioners try to tell me to handle things differently. They don’t understand and everyone thinks I get taken advantage of. But I often remember what Teacher said in Zhuan Falun:
“If someone says that you are good, you may not really be good. If someone says that you are bad, you may not really be bad. This is because the criteria that evaluate good and bad have been distorted.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
The First Story
Many years ago a man was very jealous of my participation in a situation. He reached his boiling point and one night when he learned I was in a certain house that was full of people. He knocked on the door, didn’t say a word, but charged right for me. He was a very large man.
I had pure clarity at that moment. I saw him coming and knew I had to just let him do what he felt he needed to. He picked me up with one hand and began repeatedly punching me. Then he dragged me outside and began choking me until I couldn’t breathe. Still I did nothing.
The people in the house came to my aid, in fact so did the entire neighborhood. They succeeded in getting him off me and eventually he went to jail. They all admired the way I handled the situation, and to this day everyone who witnessed what happened would do anything for me. I even bailed the man out of jail so he could attend his son’s birthday. He and I are good friends now and he respects me very much.
The Second Story
Another story is somewhat shocking. I’m telling this particular story for the end result.
In 2017 my ex-wife and I chose to adopt. She had 4 children of her own, but we still chose this route for many reasons. I knew it would be difficult as we chose to adopt an older child from an orphanage in Colombia, South America.
To my surprise the most difficult part was my wife. She became obsessed with this boy, and her children noticed. She seemed to have so much compassion for him and what he had gone through, but she took it too far. Everything became about him. Her children were jealous and I was worried.
He kept saying he was scared and he wanted someone to sleep with him. Of course she insisted on sleeping with him. I tried to stop her but failed. This was the first time she really went against me and I felt conflicted.
She began spending all her free time with him. She even went on vacations with him and left her children with me. Her children begged her to stop all this odd behavior as it was affecting them as well. Every time we disagreed, she made me feel like I was not being compassionate towards our son’s painful background and situation. I felt like I was losing my mind and developed a strange health situation where every night I thought I was dying of a heart attack. This symptom was with me for over 4 years and was likely caused by my frustration, confusion, and anger.
After eighteen months that were filled with tension and many disagreements, one day my son began yelling at me when I called him out for lying. It escalated to the point where he charged at me and we got into an altercation. My wife, of course, blamed me. She took the kids and left for many days. I told her to come home and I would leave. We officially separated.
We tried to repair our relationship during the one year we were separated, and I eventually moved back in. But things were worse than before. I felt like I was going crazy and the situation was bad for everyone. It was so bad that my youngest stepdaughter moved out to live with her adult sister. I moved out again on April 30, 2020, just before the COVID lockdown. Days later I lost my job and I lived alone in a dirty condo far away from my family. Because of the pandemic I could not leave the house and I felt like I was losing my mind.
After one year of this isolated situation, my mother was told she had end stage lung cancer. I decided to move to Florida to take care of her. Prior to this, my ex-wife and the kids also moved to another part of Florida for unrelated reasons. I had emotionally distanced myself from her and the kids due to the pain and the confusion in my heart. She was very angry that I pulled away even though we were officially divorced by this time, which was her choice.
Seven months later my mother’s health declined further and I was very upset. At this point 4 years had passed since the altercation with my son and my initial separation with my wife. My son, whom I had not talked to in a very long time, reached out to me because he said he missed me. I decided the only way to get past this problem was to face it head-on and truly forgive him. We agreed to meet in Orlando. The meeting was very good and emotional and we decided to keep in touch. Weeks later my mother died.
Three weeks after my mother died, my ex-wife called me saying she had to talk to me. She sounded very upset and we talked for some time. During that call she finally confessed that she had been having an affair with our son. All of the anger she had towards me before was a mask to hide this secret. She was falling apart emotionally and said she felt she needed to confess to me.
As painful as it was to hear, this was exactly what I needed to hear. It meant that I was not crazy and I was correct in trying to stop what I felt was her inappropriate behavior towards him. Her admission finally freed me and I was able to let go of everything. She deliberately let me think I was going crazy and kept me in that state for years. I was not crazy—I instinctively knew something was wrong. After this I was able to face the family again. I could let go of everything and began to forgive. I was able to talk to my ex-wife, her kids who had never turned away from me and always kept me in their hearts, and even my son.
Fast-forward 2 years: I have fully rebuilt my relationship with my son and my stepchildren and my grandchildren. I visit them as often as possible. I forgave my ex-wife and we are able to talk. One could even say we are friends now. All I needed was the truth. I could bear everything that happened because my weakness came from confusion and self doubt. My son even asked me to help him cosign for a car and I agreed. He ran into some money trouble and I was able to easily find room in my heart to help him. He is now paying me back because he fixed the money problems and we talk often.
I have no ill feelings towards any of these people and my heart is very light. Due to some of my correct choices my ex-wife, my stepchildren, and grandchildren, and my son all love and respect me very much. They always make sure I’m okay and would do anything to help me.
Conclusion
My life has had many situations like this, some even more extreme than what I have shared here. I attribute this to the fact that I probably have a lot of karma I needed to eliminate.
Many times when I get stuck on a problem I go back to the book Falun Gong for a different perspective. Teacher says,
“We emphasize Ren in particular. Only with Ren can a person cultivate into somebody with great virtue. Ren is a powerful thing, and it surpasses Zhen and Shan. Throughout the entire cultivation process you are asked to exercise self-restraint, to mind your character, and to not take rash actions.” (Chapter III, Falun Gong)
One of the very last things Teacher tells us in Zhuan Falun is:
“When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
When we let go of human selfishness, we really can do the impossible and bear the unbearable.
These are just my understandings. Please point out anything you see that is not on the Fa. Thank you for allowing me to share.
(Presented at the 2024 Florida Fa Conference)
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