(Minghui.org) Recently, all kinds of disturbing things caused me to feel confused, and I was helpless and negative, and inexplicably sad.
Master said:
“At a certain point in time, you will be made unable to discern clearly whether something is true or not, whether your gong exists or not, whether or not you can cultivate and make it, or whether or not there are Buddhas and if they are real. In the future, these situations will surface again to give you this false impression and make you feel as though they do not exist and are all false—it is to see whether you are determined.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I have always considered myself a very steadfast practitioner. I thought I would never fall into such a state. I believe everything Master says, no matter how profound. I recently reflected on and reviewed my thirty years of cultivation since I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1992.
After all these years, why was I now experiencing feelings of helplessness and confusion? When I reflected on my cultivation journey I realized that this state of helplessness and negativity frequently surfaced throughout my thirty years of cultivation. When I was persecuted and sent to a detention center in China, I wondered how to break through the old forces’ arrangements. This sense of helplessness was like a fog pervading my dimensional field, making it hard for me to see the way forward.
I remember July 17, 2000, because since the sensitive date July 20 was approaching, the local police took me from my home and threw me into a detention center. That sense of helplessness and negativity enveloped me, and I was in agony because I could not break through this negative state. I didn’t eat while I was in the detention center. It wasn’t because I protested the persecution by going on a hunger strike, but because I was so sad and heartbroken that I couldn’t eat. I was held in the detention center for only seven days before my company bailed me out.
The night I was released, I memorized Master’s lecture, “Expounding on the Fa” from Essentials for Further Advancement in one go. Later, during every test and tribulation, I relied on reciting “Expounding on the Fa” to get through.
Master said:
“When a tribulation arrives, if you, a disciple, can truly maintain an unshakable calm or be determined to meet different requirements at different levels, this should be sufficient for you to pass the test. If it continues endlessly and if there do not exist other problems in your xinxing or conduct, it must be that the evil demons are capitalizing on the weak spots caused by your lack of control. After all, a cultivator is not an ordinary human. So why doesn’t the side of you that is your original nature rectify the Fa?” (“Expounding on the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Although I memorized Master words, I still didn’t quite understand—how could the side of me that obtained the Fa rectify the Fa? How could I eliminate my feelings of helplessness, negativity, and sadness?
Identifying My Fundamental Attachment
I tried to look within while reflecting on my recent cultivation state, and asked myself what caused it. I knew it was all due to human attachments.
I calmed down and thought about why I was so negative. Being an emotional person, I had strong sentiments behind my feelings of helplessness and negativity, which were rooted in a fundamental attachment. I realized I had an attachment to pursuing fairness, justice, and conscience in the human world. Any slight disturbance, whether in society or among practitioners, unsettled my thoughts.
I felt helpless and sorry for the practitioners in Hong Kong. I sometimes felt desperate, thinking there was no justice or conscience in this world. I even thought that there’s nothing worth holding on to in this world. When I listened to the conflicts among fellow practitioners, I tried to discern who was right or wrong. I added my own opinions, and felt that my judgment was righteous. I didn’t realize that these conflicts were opportunities to look within and examine my own cultivation. Master said that the third party who sees the conflict must also look within, and think about why you saw it, and whether you had an attachment.
I felt that the world was filled with unfairness and injustice—this stirred my emotions. But even if human principles were on my side, what did it matter? Aren’t I supposed to be cultivating myself? The so-called fairness, justice, and righteousness in the human world are just human principles.
Ordinary society is like a play, full of fighting and competition. If I’m attached to the play, I may forget the vows I made for this lifetime, and forget my mission as a Dafa disciple. I even felt that life was meaningless. Isn’t that dangerous?
The only solution to elininating my helpless and negative thoughts is to study the Fa more. Master said:
“The Fa can break all attachments; the Fa can destroy all evil; the Fa can shatter all lies; and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress II)
Because my emotions were intense, my compassion was limited. I remember feeling excited at the beginning of the pandemic, thinking that perhaps the bad people would finally be punished. But as it progressed, I was soon no longer happy. I drove home right after the government announced the lockdown. I was the only one on the road, and the surroundings were silent. I felt as if I had entered a desolate space with nothing in it. As I kept driving, an inexplicable fear rose in my heart. I told Master: “Master, I was wrong. I should not be happy that the pandemic will take away the bad people. I hope the world can be peaceful and prosperous. I shouldn’t have hatred for anyone.”
Master said:
“The old forces were dead set on man not attaining salvation, for the old forces of the cosmos held that the cosmos was no good anymore, and nor were its sentient beings, and thus they should all be destroyed. Cultivators, meanwhile, would be put through harsh ordeals, with whichever Dafa disciples who failed to cultivate well getting weeded out. The people of the world and other sentient beings would not be kept. You have likely seen many prophecies to this effect, with some putting the survival rate at one in ten thousand, one in a thousand, or only one in ten households. Whatever the figure, they wanted to destroy sentient beings on a massive scale. The essential goal of Dafa’s vast spreading in the world, however, and saving of sentient beings, is to redeem everything—to save all sentient beings capable of being saved. And that is why we have done as much as we can, trying our best to save more.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume XI)
I only seemed to remember what Master said about the prophecy that, “one in ten households” would survive and I felt this was the inevitable course of history. But the Fa enlightened me.
This was arranged by the old forces and is not what Master wants. Master wants us to save more people. Master not only cherishes us practitioners but also cherishes all the sentient beings in the universe. My negative emotions also stemmed from my disappointment with people, thinking that they were so corrupt. When a customer requested a refund for Shen Yun tickets, I had negative thoughts, thinking this person was really bad. Instead of feeling sad for them, I criticized them in my heart.
Through continuous Fa study, the fog of helplessness that shrouded me gradually dissipated. My heart became firm.
Master said:
“At key moments they always evaluate things with human attachments, human thinking, or human emotions.” (“Stay Out of Danger”)
“You have made it through scores of difficulties on your journey, and shouldn’t be tripping and falling at the end.” (“Wake Up”)
I also hope that we practitioners can cherish each other, cherish the more than 20 years of hard times we have gone through, and improve together.
(Presented at the 2024 Florida Fa Conference)
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