(Minghui.org) After I attended Master Li Hongzhi’s lectures in 1994 I began practicing Falun Dafa. It took me a long time to genuinely understand what cultivation is about, and I feel ashamed when I think of all the years I wasted. The process of my cultivation has been like peeling off layers of attachments and negative notions.
I always thought I was a good person because I didn’t resent others. However, from studying the Fa, I realized I had many attachments and I was affected by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture. I had so much to improve on.
By reading Zhuan Falun, and Master’s other lectures and practitioners’ experience sharing articles on the Minghui website, I had some new understandings about what it means to cultivate. I learned how to look for my attachments by reflecting on small things that happened in my daily life. When I encounter a problem, the first thing I do is check myself and see if I’ve deviated from the Fa. I’m sometimes able to find the issue, but other are times I can’t. I now understand what it means to genuinely cultivate: I need to reflect on everything I encounter and eliminate my sentimentality and human thoughts.
I’d like to tell you about some of my recent experiences.
Eliminating My Mentality of Lecturing and Correcting Family Members
I take care of the household. When my daughter was young, I was busying managing her schoolwork and future life, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I happily and tirelessly took care of my family’s every need. Even my parents’ problems were my worries. I thought I was doing great: I had a good daughter; I was a kind mother and a loving wife. I felt I was generous and had a strong sense of justice.
However, after I began practicing Falun Dafa I realized all my hard work had little impact. My daughter is an adult, and has her own life. Even though she didn’t say much, my “caring words” were a great burden. Furthermore, my overbearing attitude took away her ability to think for herself.
I lectured others and forced my opinion on them through my endless nagging. I often told my husband what he should and should not do. I meant well, but he sometimes became impatient and said, “You take care of yourself first!” I felt he had poor enlightenment quality.
What I was doing reflected my lack of respect for others. Everyone has his or her own life. Even if we believe what we do is based on the Fa, others need time to come to their own understanding. Furthermore, as a cultivator, how can I be sure I was correct? In order to make others agree with me, I lectured them to show off. I felt my understanding was better than theirs. I ignored my attachments of showing off, zealotry and being controlling.
I wanted to make plans for others according to what I saw at my level, which is not the absolute truth. Everyone has their own fate. Wasn’t this CCP mentality? Why should other people obey me?
Eliminating My Attachment of Wanting to Judge Others
My daughter pointed to a car and asked, “Mom, is that car pretty?”
“Ugly, I don’t like the front!” I replied without a second thought.
Laughing, my daughter said: “Take a look at our car.”
The car we were riding in belonged to my daughter’s boyfriend, which was the same model car my daughter was pointing at. Her boyfriend just smiled.
Wasn’t I judging others based on my opinion? Fortunately the young man was not upset with me. The comment I made exposed my desire to criticize others based on my own interests. Master was using my daughter’s words to point this out to me! My arrogant temperament was still there, and I also realized I didn’t cultivate my speech.
Another time, I repeated the words from an English language commercial to my children. They told me I said it wrong. The next time I saw the commercial, I repeated the phrase again. I insisted I was correct and that they should check it out themselves. When they showed me the commercial on a cellphone, I did say the phrase wrong. I acknowledged my mistake. I knew it was my attachment to proving I was correct.
I’m timid and an introvert, so I’m overly cautious. At work, I just follow the established routines. This worked well prior to my cultivation. When I encountered conflicts, I over analyzed the situations based on risk and benefit. The more I thought about it, the more selfish I became. In the end, I was afraid to do many things I wanted to do.
I recently encountered many things that I had to make decisions on. How I choose is based on the Fa, and whether the matter will affect my doing the three things. We come to this world to cultivate ourselves and help Master with Fa-rectification. Everything else revolves around this. Anything that causes interference is incorrect. Thus, I’m now able to clearly see my behavior in difficult situations.
Master said,
“You should always be benevolent and kind to others and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems. Therefore, in cultivation you should follow a higher and higher standard for yourself.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
When I reflect on myself based on the Fa, I realize I still have many attachments. For example, blaming others, disliking people I don’t approve of, being indignant, depending on others, laziness and fear.
After I identified these attachments I reminded myself that I needed to let them go. My heart felt calm and I can take care of matters with a genuine, open mind. I no longer focus on trivial loss and gain, and it’s fine for me to give more than I receive. Everything goes smoothly now, and my family members and I get along better.
I’ve had many opportunities to enlighten on my path of cultivation, and I still have many attachments I need to eliminate. Master helps me and points out where I need to improve.
I thank Master for his compassion.
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Category: Improving Oneself
