(Minghui.org) I was reported for raising awareness about the persecution years ago. While I was being held in the detention center, I deeply regretted not cultivating well, and I kept looking within for my problems.
I was always busy doing things and had no time to calm down and reflect on myself, so I wasn’t really cultivating.
Surrounded by the four walls of the detention center, I was forced to deeply look inward and search my heart and soul. I found a number of attachments: the mentality of fighting, elation, showing off, and complaining. I hadn’t cultivated solidly, so whenever a problem surfaced, my righteous thoughts faded, and I felt exhausted physically and mentally.
An Opportunity to Rectify Myself
After I was released three years later, I was determined to change. I wanted to study the Fa well and balance the relationship between cultivation and everyday life. I paid particular attention to improving my xinxing.
A practitioner who was also released from prison visited me. She told me that while she meditated in prison, Mastershowed her a Chinese character, “stinky,” which consists of the parts that mean “arrogant” and a dot. It was such an obvious reminder from Master. She is competent, knows how to do business, and did very well on Dafa projects. I listened attentively, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with me.
Later, my nephew, who was staying with me, said, “Aunt, I discovered that the two words ‘being arrogant’ becomes ‘stinky’ when you just add a dot!”
After two people said the same thing to me, I suddenly realized Master was pointing out my problem.
I wondered why I was so busy before I was arrested. Why couldn’t I stop? Was “doing things” my only attachment? I also wanted to show off: “See how capable I am, I can do so many things so fast, I can do practically everything except fix the machine.” When others praised me, I felt good about it. All the attachments reinforced each other, making my attachment to self grow bigger and bigger.
Driven by my attachment to myself, I became increasingly busy and unable to extricate myself, and I had less and less time for Fa study. When I sent forth righteous thoughts, my mind was filled with things I felt I needed to do, and I couldn’t calm down. I always failed to look inward and correct myself.
This attachment to self is closely linked to self-righteousness. I always thought I was right, and that my opinions and decisions were correct. However, I couldn’t handle others’ criticism, and I used human thoughts to do things. How terrible was that!
Also, because I thought I was capable and right when I saw others’ shortcomings, I was unable to reflect on myself in a timely manner. When I saw other practitioners’ behavior that was not in line with the Fa, I didn’t examine myself to see if I had a similar problem. I just used the Fa to evaluate others. As time went on, while others cultivated well, my dimension was filled with garbage, and this situation was seized upon by the old forces.
Identifying My Fundamental Attachment
When I found my root attachment, I realized that the attachments and human notions I found before were just the surface issues and that my inflated self was the root problem. I felt like I dug out a tumor that was buried for years, and I felt relieved and relaxed.
I made up my mind to eliminate it completely. I wanted to follow Master’s arrangements. I calmly studied the Fa and cleared my own field. That “inflated self” was finally eliminated. It took three years of being imprisoned for me to realize this. How much unnecessary suffering had I endured in this long process?
I’ve been stumbling along for so many years, from not knowing how to cultivate to learning to look within. Each attachment is a wall blocking our cultivation. Only by constantly eliminating attachments and cleansing myself can I elevate and improve.
Cultivation is not something that can be accomplished overnight. One must overcome many hurdles and difficulties to get rid of one’s attachments, return to the right path, and use the Fa to cleanse oneself.
Our lives are given by Master, our abilities are bestowed by Master, and our wisdom is also granted by Master. Without his compassion and salvation, we are nothing. In this filthy and unpleasant human world which is at the bottom of the universe, we carried so much sinful karma throughout our lives. Without Master’s care and bearing things for us, we wouldn’t have made it this far.
Master has given us this heavenly Fa, endured endless sinful karma on our behalf, guided us from the perspective of xinxing, enlightened us, encouraged us, and accompanied us. In this perilous world, it is difficult for us to move forward a single step without Master’s blessing. I’m ashamed of my arrogance and conceit, and I feel it’s a sin not to position oneself correctly.
I remember reading an experience sharing article in which the author said that our improper thoughts have different manifestations at different levels in our field. As long as we realize that they aren’t us and reject them, they can’t survive.
I also realized that these attachments to self and self-righteousness are very dangerous. If one leaves even the slightest gap, it will obscure the practitioner’s vision like a demonic barrier, causing the practitioner to fall into the dangerous situation of looking and seeking outward.
It’s as if one operates without an Internet “firewall.” All kinds of human notions and attachments can expand and this “self-righteousness” acts like a “protective umbrella.” Weeds will overgrow one’s inner world, leading one’s cultivation to go astray and the practitioner will be ultimately destroyed.
I have seen fellow practitioners suffer painful lessons due to their self-inflation and self-righteousness. Fortunately, after falling flat on my face, I was able to wake up in time, stop myself from falling, and return to the right path due to Master’s enlightenment. I am grateful for Master’s compassionate salvation!
This is my understanding at my level. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Cultivation Insights
