(Minghui.org) I am a Japanese Falun Dafa practitioner who started cultivation in 2018, but it wasn’t until 2020 that I started to cultivate seriously. I would like to share how I overcame interpersonal relationship issues between myself and my family.
Religion and My Family
I was born the second oldest of three sisters. My immediate family and other relatives are all deeply religious. Even my husband holds an important position in his religious practice. Passionate devotees, my parents actively participated in religious activities, which meant we were frequently left alone at home. My mother did not even have time to bathe us or take care of our daily needs, so we spent our childhood largely neglected.
Because of my family’s influence, I wholeheartedly placed my faith in our religion and participated in various religious activities. But after getting married and giving birth to our son in 1997, I began to have second thoughts: “Do I really want to go down this path?” In 2000, after giving birth to our daughter, my doubts about my religion began to increase. When my daughter turned four, I withdrew from the religion because I no longer had any faith in my heart. My relatives initially believed this was a phase and that I would soon return to the fold. Yet over time when I failed to do so, my dissatisfied parents and in-laws assumed it was because my husband was spoiling me.
Despite the state of things, it took another fourteen years before I finally obtained the Fa.
The Start of My Cultivation Path
In Zhuan Falun, I found the answers to my various doubts about religion. Like a beam of light illuminating the darkness, I clearly remember my amazed conclusion: “This is what I’ve been looking for.” However, because of my family’s strong religious belief, I felt guilty for leaving our shared religion. Additionally, I was still working full-time, so I continued to hover around the feeling of being “lucky enough to encounter Dafa” without attempting to cultivate in earnest.
Towards the end of 2019, my son developed serious health problems, and I was forced to quit my job. With my schedule freed up, I was able to officially start practicing in 2020 – studying the Fa and practicing the exercises.
After reading Zhuan Falun carefully, I began to understand why the original Buddhism had vanished from the world. Yet I hesitated to believe that my family members were practicing an evil religion. With further study of the Fa and practicing the exercises, I was able to examine the issue more rationally. Master Li, Falun Dafa’s founder, gave me the time and space to slowly understand and accept Dafa’s teachings.
Before obtaining the Fa, the suffering I experienced in my childhood made it hard for me to love my children wholeheartedly. Busy with work and religious activities, my husband was rarely home. As our children grew up, the gap between my husband and me grew wider. Having to deal with constant pressure, my stressed husband would speak harshly to our son, while our daughter tried to mediate between my husband and me. If this situation would’ve continued, our children would’ve become victims of our failing relationship, a painful situation I wanted to avoid.
I had never been able to acknowledge my self-worth and believed I had no redeeming qualities. But to love my family, I had to believe in myself first. Prior to cultivating Dafa and with an ordinary person’s mindset, I looked within and filled a notebook with my feelings. Lingering fear of my mother meant I had to muster a huge amount of courage to acknowledge what I had never dared to. I was an obedient child, but that single act of rebellion prompted me to pen down my childhood suffering and send it in the form of a letter to my mother.
This process helped me overcome the tension I faced with my family but did not allow me to reconcile with my mother as I originally intended. Instead, I hurt her feelings and planted seeds of resentment within her. My mother might have brought up my letter to my sisters. Coupled with the fact that I had left our family religion, my relationship with my mother and sisters became brittle.
Although I had to face my mother to solve my issues, she was also the person I feared and wished to avoid the most. I became more selfish after I stopped catering to my mother’s wishes.
After cultivating Dafa, I went through a prolonged period of introspection where I eliminated many of my attachments. To become a good person, I knew I had to take the first steps and apologize to my mother for the letter. Coincidentally, the day before I called, my mother was searching through her belongings and accidentally came across this same letter I had sent her ten years ago. So, when I called and said, “I know this is sudden, but I want to apologize for the hurtful letter I previously wrote.”
My mother replied, “What a coincidence, I came across that letter yesterday. Thinking back, you really were pitiful.” I was shocked to hear she had come across my letter, and thanked Master from the bottom of my heart for arranging this. My mother and I began to mend our estranged relationship, and my heart became lighter. This marked the start of my cultivation journey.
Despite the prolonged duration of our broken relationship and the physical distance between us, I still succeeded in mending my relationship with my mother. Perhaps our strained relationship was related to karmic ties in our past lives. Master has said we can also cultivate at home. While standing in my kitchen or practicing the exercises, the many things that surface in my mind can prevent me from calming down. I resolved to give up my desire to return to work, examine myself closely while fulfilling my duties as a housewife, and eliminated my human emotions and attachments one by one.
Acknowledging My Cultivation Environment
When I told my husband I wanted to learn Falun Dafa because I was moved by its teachings and wanted to participate in activities, my husband calmly replied, “If you participate in their activities, there will come a day when someone recognizes you. I have a significant standing in my religious organization. Even though you have sought my permission, I can’t say yes. It’s better if you don’t tell me when you participate in such activities.” If outsiders knew that the wife of a religious leader did not share the same belief as her husband, her husband would lose face. But perhaps my husband felt he could hardly deny the will of my heart, and so he came up with this compromise. Of course, the few friends I have all know about my husband’s standing in the religious community, so I could not disclose my new faith to them.
While still estranged from my mother, I began reading Master’s teachings and finally understood the reasons for the tribulations surrounding my day-to-day life. I read the book Essentials for Further Advancement and Master’s new scriptures over and over, desperately looking for answers. It was painful to practice in an environment where I could not discuss my thoughts with anyone, not even my family members.
Whenever I had time, I would sit in meditation and reflect, feeling as though I was surrounded by a dark and thick wall. This life of isolation and monotony resembled that of a practicing monk, and I suffered greatly during this period. Yet I knew this environment and limited time had been arranged by Master so I could disassociate myself from society and face the reality of my inner loneliness.
An older practitioner often offered me advice, which helped correct my cultivation path. “Righteous thoughts bring out the divine side of yourself. The old forces are also divine. If you see yourself as a human being, you will lose to them,” this practitioner cautioned. Whenever I felt lonely and yearned for sympathy from others, this practitioner would point out, “The mind of a cultivator is incomprehensible to ordinary people. Could they ever achieve the understanding you yearn for?” The practitioner also said, “A fellow practitioner in China sent forth righteous thoughts every day. After a year of effort, his wife, who was initially against the practice, started practicing Falun Dafa,” and, “Although it feels terrible, isn’t it still your personal cultivation environment?” Finally, the practitioner advised, “You must remember to not practice a second cultivation way, and strive to be a good person.”
After accepting from the bottom of my heart that this was my cultivation environment, I had to let go of the preconceived religious ideas that had accumulated in my mind, and focus on practicing Falun Dafa. Master taught us the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, and the best way to convince others of Falun Dafa’s goodness is to set a good example. In addition to sending forth righteous thoughts at the start of every hour, I started sending forth righteous thoughts for my family members.
Although I’m unable to see with my third eye, Master allowed me to get a glimpse of some scenes whenever I sent forth righteous thoughts. Once, while sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil factors behind my mother, I saw a dark wall appear before me. I wondered, “Wow, what is this?” As I continued to send forth righteous thoughts, the wall began collapsing and black spirits started flying out. I immediately realized these spirits were the cause of my mysterious fear. The old forces had arranged a large amount of karma, human emotions and attachments to block my path.
Previously, whenever I talked to my mother and mother-in-law, I would find myself tortured by a sense of inferiority, loneliness and longing. I thought I could never get rid of these feelings. However, after I started sending forth righteous thoughts, I saw through the dark grassland before me, a translucent veil that marked the start of a beautiful world on the other side. I realized, “Ah, that is our new world!” I felt its existence from the bottom of my heart. Compassionate Master gave me new hope and I could not hold back my tears. I realized, as long as my belief in Dafa remains firm, I can break free from the layers of restrictions that the old forces had trapped me in.
Repairing My Relationship with My Mother
Towards the end of March last year, I visited my parents and finally saw my mother again after a four-year gap. My mother fractured her left wrist two years before and fractured her right wrist last year. Yet each time I asked to visit, she would turn me down. Although we shared a mother-daughter relationship, my visit would be burdensome as she had to play host despite her advanced age. Moreover, some uncertainties remained in our relationship.
Each time my mother turned down my requests to visit, I would tell myself, “It doesn’t matter. Let things happen naturally and leave it to Master’s arrangements.” My mother remained steadfast when she underwent surgery for her right wrist. But after being discharged from the hospital, she realized her limitations. Her left wrist had not fully recovered, and with her right wrist fully incapacitated, she finally caved in and agreed to let me return home to care for her. To reduce the burden on my parents, I chose to live in a hotel while taking care of my mother.
With a grateful heart, I hugged my mother the instant I reached her home. My mother also shed tears of joy, and I felt the many grievances between us finally beginning to unravel.
Moving Forward in Cultivation
Last July, I received an invitation to participate in a truth-clarification project. Overjoyed that I could assist Master in Fa-rectification, I gladly accepted. But my overconfidence led to interference and my son’s medical condition suddenly worsened. After looking within, I discovered many human attachments. After joining the project, I thought I found a place I belonged and felt at ease. Moreover, I harbored a desired to leave the confines of my small home and liberate myself from my familial duties. In other words, I was seeking to escape from my lonely family environment.
From this setback, I realized that I first had to manage my personal family cultivation environment well. After overcoming many tribulations, I met both my parents and in-laws last March. Incredibly, we managed to connect and had a great time together. Although I still have a lot of human attachments to eliminate, it felt as though I had passed a test.
This year, with my family’s support, I ended my four-year term as a full-time housewife and started a new job. Naturally, there have been changes to my cultivation environment, and I find myself discovering new attachments and human notions each day from different angles. It feels as though I have finally made it to the true starting point of my cultivation path.
These days, whenever I reflect on past events that occurred with my mother and husband, I find that my viewpoint has changed. I remain grateful to Master for patiently guiding me. Although the cultivation path arranged by Master is strict, it is also filled with warmth. Thank you, Master! I will continue to cultivate diligently and validate Dafa with righteous thoughts.
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