(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I am a young practitioner who began cultivating when I entered the 12th grade, in 2017. Although I have been cultivating for more than eight years, I still have many limitations in my understanding of the Fa and many attachments that need to be let go. I would like to recount some experiences from the process of elevating my xinxing from this year.
Identifying Shortcomings and Rectifying Myself
A situation occurred on Saturday afternoon, November 15. In the morning, I asked my husband, who is also a practitioner, if he was going to Sibelius Park, a tourist spot, to clarify the truth). He said yes. I trusted my husband to go there and fulfill his responsibilities. When I left the house at around 2 p.m., I called my husband and asked if he was still at the truth-clarification site in that tourist area. He said that he was preparing to take a bus home and had just passed through the city center. At that moment, I firmly believed that he had unexpectedly gone to two truth-clarification sites (he had gone to the park and also passed through the city center).
When I arrived at the park, I walked past two female practitioners who manage the truth-clarification site there. They were surprised to see me, and I asked them if my husband had just left. They said my husband had not been there. At that moment, negative matter, the attachment of doubt, began to seep into my mind. Throughout my cultivation process, I have always had to cultivate away the attachment of doubting others, compounded by notions that I had formed about my husband not being honest, even though he is a cultivator (because I had caught him not telling the truth to others and to me many times). I carried this uncomfortable emotion while walking with a fellow practitioner to the truth-clarification site in the city center, thinking I would ask some practitioners there about my husband. Sure enough, when I arrived, I asked two elderly practitioners, who both said they hadn’t seen him.
At that point, I was “certain” my husband had lied to me. The attachment of resentment flared up inside me, and I immediately expressed my dissatisfaction in front of the older female practitioner. She promptly said things to me like, “Your husband is an adult. Are you his mother, managing his affairs? Cultivation is a personal matter.” Her words, although true, made me very uncomfortable, and I immediately retorted with dissatisfaction, “Yes, I know all of that. You don’t need to tell me, but do you think a cultivator is allowed to lie?” Right at the truth-clarification site, with many sentient beings passing by, I could not allow a bad image and a poor impression to be made, so I had no choice but to send forth righteous thoughts to clear away those negative, combative thoughts, and the unwillingness to hear criticism, and tried hard to calm down.
When I decided to demonstrate the four standing exercises, a male practitioner told me while turning on the music that we needed to be “harmonious.” Although I was still uncomfortable, I tried to follow his advice while doing the exercises. Gradually, without realizing it, I did the exercises in a relatively peaceful state, and my heart felt lighter. While exercising, I faced the fear of not being respected when I thought of the false appearance of “my husband lying.” My mind was initially filled with bitter thoughts like, “I won’t bother trying to manage him anymore; if he lies, he can take responsibility; I will only manage my own cultivation.” Gradually, I recalled Master’s teaching:
“All of you are aware of the principle of mutual-generation and mutual-inhibition. If you have no fear, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist. This is not to be self-imposed, but is achieved by truly and calmly letting go.” (“Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s),” The Essentials of Diligent Progress II)
My heart softened after recalling this teaching. I knew I had the Fa with me, and I only needed to follow the Fa and not let fear move me and ruin everything. That evening, after the truth-clarification activities ended, I went home in a joyful and peaceful state.
I recall that in the past, whenever I’d suspected something about my husband, the first thing I did was call and interrogate him, driven by sentimentality (qing), and the attachments of doubt and fear. This time, I was rational and calm, restrained myself, and proactively looked inward to rectify myself. When I talked to my husband at home in a gentler way about the doubts in my heart, I realized I had misunderstood his words, and he had not lied at all. It was a miscommunication that had caused a misunderstanding between us.
Viewing Attachments from a Rational Perspective to Prevent Following Others Instead of the Fa
Throughout my years of cultivation, because the quality of my Fa study was not deep enough and I carried a very strong attachment to pursuit, I often could not maintain the calmness a cultivator should have when facing xinxing issues and tribulations. There were many issues where I only understood the principle on the surface, so when putting it into practice, it seemed somewhat extreme, not rational enough, not sincere enough, and brought both physical and mental stress upon myself.
Many times I looked for fellow practitioners to pour out my worries and negative emotions, hoping for comfort and a listening ear. However, when practitioners offered me sincere advice based on their understandings, I either felt relieved for a moment, then things would go back to the way they were, or I would be unwilling to listen or look inward.
When I saw fellow practitioners exhibiting good states, overcoming many xinxing tests that I felt I could not endure, I questioned why I was doing so poorly. I always felt dissatisfied with my own cultivation state and outwardly felt jealous of others.
For example, a practitioner might do well by conducting themselves according to traditional culture, paying great attention to their every action and gesture. Or a practitioner may have profound understandings of the Fa which were very practical and inspiring. Or fellow practitioners may actively participate in various projects with great hearts for saving sentient beings, while my own heart for saving people was not strong. I rarely volunteer for projects, only occasionally participating in local truth-clarification activities, and only once in a while participate in one or two activities or projects in other countries.
The reason I participated less in projects was that I thought, since I was still a student without a stable career, I needed to prioritize my main tasks of studying and finding a job. Only then could I wholeheartedly participate in projects later. I currently only participate in activities when I have free time. Whether it was an excuse or not, this has been my current understanding over the past few years. On one hand, I wanted to participate in more projects to keep up with the progress of Fa-rectification, but on the other hand, I did not want to cause difficulties for my own life, which would then create a negative impression on acquaintances, family, and friends.
For the past two years, I have repeatedly questioned whether I am walking my path correctly. I often felt that I had put great, invisible pressure on myself, thinking that because I hadn’t achieved what others had, I must do the same to feel that I am genuinely cultivating and to be acknowledged by Master, the gods, and even ordinary people. Doesn’t this stem from the attachment of competitiveness and the desire to validate myself? Furthermore, I recognized it as a manifestation of Party culture—the mentality of following the crowd to preserve one’s own existence. Dafa projects require a sincere heart, stemming from a genuine desire to save people, not from a competitive desire to one-up others, to seek self-satisfaction, or the attachment to reaching the goal of cultivation. Furthermore, I also discovered that for a long time, I had been cultivating with the attachment of fear too, because I sought a goal, which gave birth to the attachment of fear—fear of making mistakes, cultivating poorly, not saving enough people, etc., and ultimately the fear of not achieving the goal.
So, recently, even though there are still many notions and attachments I cannot completely let go, I am happy to continue delving deep within to find these deeply-rooted notions and attachments as long as I persist in studying the Fa. I realize that everyone has a completely different cultivation path, and no two people are at the same level. If I continue to question myself, isn’t that doubting Master and the path he painstakingly arranged for me? That would be equivalent to not cherishing myself and not cherishing Master’s arrangements.
With this thought, I truly want to genuinely walk my own path that was arranged by Master, no matter how many difficulties I encounter in the process of eliminating attachments, even if there is still much confusion. I only hope that through studying the Fa I will gradually become clearer on the Fa principles, and my cultivation state of mind and my heart for saving people will become purer, stronger, and more sincere.
Concluding Remarks
The above is just a small reflection of my cultivation state over the recent six months. Although this is not the first time I have written a sharing article, it is the first time I have read a sharing article in front of everyone. I know that I still have many shortcomings, and I hope fellow practitioners will kindly point them out.
Thank you, Master, and thank you, fellow practitioners, for listening to my sharing!
Heshi.
(Presented at the 2025 Finland Fa Conference)
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