(Minghui.org) When I was writing this article, I was struggling a little because I felt ashamed to expose these ugly attachments. I discovered that these feelings came from the attachment to reputation, so I wish to get rid of that attachment at the same time. I know that Master will not give up on me and that fellow practitioners will not dislike me for this, so I have the courage to analyze myself and expose these ugly attachments.
When I was little, I was very introverted and wanted to be alone. After starting middle school, my jealousy started to surface so much that even my family members (fellow practitioners) realized that when someone else was better than me, I would be unhappy about it, and I would make others feel uncomfortable, too. However, due to the pressure of the college entrance examination, my family’s expectations for me, and the fact that I was almost always in the top three for my grades in high school, receiving flowers, red carpets, certificates, and applause, no one paid much attention to this.
Time flies, and I transitioned from adolescence to youth. After truly starting to cultivate in Falun Dafa, I discovered that my cultivation is really lousy. Among the many attachments that I had, jealousy has been the hardest one to eliminate. I kept thinking about why it was so hard to get rid of this attachment. I had always thought that I had already eliminated it, but after some time, when a trigger came, I would become jealous again.
Master said,
“... the part of you that has been fully cultivated is immediately separated from the part that is not yet fully cultivated ...” (Teachings at the First Conference in North America)
Jealousy is not a normal attachment for me, but it has been a very strong one, and I cannot slack off in eliminating it. I thus decided to think deeper about how I should understand it rationally so that I could get rid of it more thoroughly.
My Understanding of Jealousy
There are always higher heavens and more capable people. Many people are better than me, but why am I not jealous of them? Take, for example, I definitely would not be jealous of a child prodigy because I am not one, and the distance between us is too great. I would also not be jealous of people who have better figures and look better than I because these are things they were born with.
I discovered that it was easiest for jealousy to appear under two circumstances: one was when someone else was slightly better than me and the gap between us was relatively small; second was when the gap between us was small enough that I could change it through my own efforts. I was not jealous of child prodigies, but I would be jealous of my classmates because our capabilities are roughly equivalent, so we would be comparable. Take, for example, I would be jealous if their results were better than mine, or if they were often praised by the teacher.
One day, I saw an article that read, “In Feitian College, after a student has mastered the key points of the movement, he immediately calls his partners and shares all the techniques that he has mastered so that all of his companions could perform the movements as smoothly and gracefully as flowing water, clean and efficient. This would not happen in a sentient school, especially in China. Some classmates may know the solution to a problem and keep it to themselves. They will even tell you coldly, ‘I don’t know how to solve it.’”
Why can’t I have a good environment like Feitian College? I realized that this thought came from jealousy. I was jealous of the environment that Feitian College students have. I should change myself, as taking a step back opens up a whole new world. Everyone is in the cultivation environment that Master has arranged for us. In this vast world, people are inherently different, each with their own strengths, which makes life rich and the universe prosperous.
Getting Rid of Jealousy in My Cultivation
We have a small Fa study group, and we persist in studying the Fa every morning. A practitioner, Jenny, who is the same age as me, joined our group a little later. She is very stable when she studies the Fa, unlike the rest of us, who do not always read the Fa at a constant speed and will sometimes stutter or misread some words. When my family pointed out the difference in our states, I felt jealous. I thus started to compare myself with her secretly, seeing who attends the small group Fa study more and who is more punctual, so much so that when she did not come for Fa study, I would feel a tinge of happiness about it.
I looked inward about why I was comparing myself with a fellow practitioner over superficial things. This definitely does not align with what Master said,
“Study Fa, obtain Fa,Compare in studying, compare in cultivating,...”(“Solid Cultivation,”Hong Yin).
This kind of competition was due to jealousy, so my motive was not correct. I had no interactions with Jenny in the past. If I had not cultivated in Dafa, I am almost certain that I would not have met her. Even if I had met her, I would not have been jealous of her. Sentient beings emphasize capabilities and conditions. From the perspective of a sentient being, there is really nothing about her that should make me jealous.
In that case, why am I jealous of her? Master mentioned the story about Shen Gongbao being jealous of Jiang Ziya in Zhuan Falun. Why is Shen Gongbao jealous of Jiang Ziya? Shen Gongbao is very powerful, while Jiang Ziya is old and incapable, but the honor of the Investiture of the Gods was given to Jiang Ziya.
Do I really want to be jealous of a fellow practitioner? Not at all. The emergence of jealousy really made me feel very uncomfortable. Was it the true me feeling jealous? Definitely not. It was a fake me that was made up of jealousy. It was this fake me that was jealous of Jenny. This kind of jealousy, and the one between Shen Gongbao and Jiang Ziya, and also between the old forces and Dafa practitioners, is so similar!
I immediately caught hold of this attachment and separated it from the true me. I sent out one thought: You are not me; I must get rid of you.
I used to be jealous of other people. The sentient beings around me are all exceptionally outstanding, but I am no longer jealous. I later became jealous of fellow practitioners, but I am no longer jealous of them. This was a long and painful cultivation process. Master said,
“The attachment of jealousy must be relinquished,” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
Master talked about jealousy separately to give us a teaching to make us remember that no matter how much jealousy we have left, as long as it still surfaces, we definitely must get rid of it.
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Category: Improving Oneself
