(Minghui.org) Besides his regular job, my husband has a side business with a partner. He was often busy with his business in the evenings. After a tiring day, he didn’t want to do any housework. Sometimes, he went out after a quick dinner and left a messy table for me to clean up. I had to shoulder all the housework. He refused to help me with anything and nitpicked over whatever I did. Resentment built up in my mind after years. I criticized him for wasting my precious time.
One day, I told a fellow practitioner a bunch of things my husband had done. The fellow practitioner said, “You seem to have a lot of resentment. A cultivator should look within when he or she runs into any incident, even when we encounter conflicts while minding our own business. This is called cultivation. How can you cultivate yourself by focusing on others’ shortcomings?”
Her words awakened me. It’s true! How could I always look at my husband’s shortcomings? What he has done was something helpful for my improvement, wasn’t it? My complaints exposed my attachments, including resentment, fighting mentality, jealousy, and so on. How can I possibly improve with all these attachments in my mind?
After that, I started paying attention to my own cultivation at home. When I saw my husband had left his trash on the table, I cleaned the table, overcame my resentment, and eliminated it. When I saw him playing on his cell phone instead of helping me, I let go of my resentment and eliminated it. I gradually eliminated many of my attachments. My husband slowly improved as I made progress. When my husband nitpicked, I looked within to see what I should improve on. I realized that his nitpicking was due to my attachments, and I had to identify and eliminate them.
I like rich foods and tend to add too much salt when I cook. My husband, however, has a heart condition. His doctor told him he should eat a low-sodium, low-fat diet. My husband asked me to cook lighter. I realized that cultivators shouldn’t be attached to rich food, so I changed my cooking habits and used less salt.
One day, I thought I didn’t add enough salt to the dishes, but my husband told me to add some water to a boiled vegetable dish. I suggested taking his portion out first and adding some salt to the rest for myself. He didn’t think that was a good idea. I ignored him and took out his portion. He got mad, put a large spoonful of salt in my portion, and cursed me. I couldn’t restrain my ire and started bickering with him. He picked up my laptop and intended to smash it. When I snatched it away, he hit me.
I suddenly realized that I didn’t handle the situation well and was driven by my attachment to tasty food and a fighting mentality. As I stood there with my laptop in my arms, I silently confessed, “Master, it’s my fault! It’s my fault!” He immediately stopped hitting me.
Although I stopped getting mad at my husband, I had still a little attachment to saving face. I knew that cultivators shouldn’t fight back, but still thought I shouldn’t allow him to hit me at will. I went to my room without dinner and skipped breakfast the next morning, as I felt wronged.
I reflected upon myself in my room later and found that I was still attached to my own preference. As a matter of fact, my husband didn’t want me to eat salty food because he was concerned about my health. Why didn’t I think about it from his perspective? Why didn’t I understand him? I eased up my anger. I cooked lunch happily. He was pleased to see I was preparing lunch when he got home and offered to help.
My husband asked me a couple of days later, “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is so powerful! Have you noticed my change?” I replied, “Yes, you have improved.” He agreed. A few day later, he said again, “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is so powerful! I can’t imagine what would have happened if you had fought back the other day.” Ever since then, he is better at doing housework and being a better husband. He even admitted his bad habits and changed them when I pointed them out to him.
As I eliminated resentment, I became more considerate. I understand he is busy with his job and business. I don’t compare the amount of housework each of us does anymore. Instead, I shoulder whatever housework needs to be done without complaints. He has praised me for my improvement, and said he didn’t need to remind me from now on. So what he used to see as a need to remind me, I used to take as nitpicking due to my negative thinking and resentment.
Given Master’s compassionate guidance, I’m so fortunate to have walked my journey of cultivation! I have changed from a narrow-minded and complaining woman to a compassionate Falun Dafa practitioner. Thank you, great Master, for your compassionate salvation!
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Category: Improving Oneself
