(Minghui.org) One day last June, I suddenly felt tired and sore all over. I thought I just needed to rest after helping with the 2024 Shen Yun tour. Two days later, a rash appeared on my waist, and quickly covered one side of my body. Blisters of varying sizes appeared along with the rash.
Master said in Zhuan Falun Lecture Four that “good or bad comes from a person’s initial thought.” I checked my symptoms online and made the mistake of thinking that I had shingles. This human thought made me fall into a trap the old forces arranged. It took four weeks to fully recover.
Shingles is caused by the reactivation of the chickenpox virus (Herpes Zoster) lurking in the body when a person’s immune system declines or if they’re under a lot of stress. I’ve practiced Falun Dafa for nearly 29 years, and my immune system should be fine. Although I was very busy and worked on many Dafa projects, this shouldn’t have happened. I realized it must be interference caused by a loophole in my cultivation.
I had a short conversation with a practitioner before the rash developed. Afterward, I thought that she expected me to do something, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I asked her what she wanted, and she told me she expected me to be like a loving mother, kind to every practitioner, and look after their needs and concerns. Her expectation was so high it felt like she put a mountain on me. I felt my endurance already reached its limit. My heart churned, and I felt resentment and grievance.
I take on a lot of work and help many practitioners solve their problems. I really have no time for myself. “I want to study the Fa and do the exercises at home like an average practitioner and not coordinate so many projects. You are expecting too much of me,” a voice shouted in my head.
For the next few days, I thought about making some adjustments to the projects I was involved in, but I was still on the fence. On the one hand, I wanted to hand over some projects and free up time for myself. On the other hand, I felt that I would cause trouble for Master if I didn’t work on these projects. I felt conflicted and didn’t know what to do.
I only thought about needing more time for myself and I didn’t examine myself to see why I felt resentment. My desire to escape stress became an excuse for the old forces to exploit my weakness and destroy my health.
The blisters on my body quickly grew larger and commingled. Every breath hurt—and felt like an iron chain was pulling on my internal organs. Each step I took hurt. A few days later, I felt a burning pain at my waist as if it was being roasted by fire. I only slept for an hour and then woke up in pain.
Master said,
“Has it ever occurred to you that cultivation is the best form of rest? You can obtain the kind of rest that can’t be obtained through sleep.” (Teachings at the First Conference in North America)
I repeatedly recited the Fa and meditated whenever the pain woke me up. I understood what a “long night” meant. I felt that my karma caused the pain. I just needed to endure and the karma would eventually be eliminated.
Slacking Off in Cultivation
As a member of the coordination team for the 2024 Shen Yun performances in my country, I traveled with the group from place to place. The performance schedules were very tight, and there were always emergencies that needed to be dealt with immediately. Due to stress and a shortage of time, calming down to cultivate and do my job became a significant challenge.
I studied the Fa and practiced the exercises every day, but concerns over work emails and calls interrupted me. I was lax in cultivation during those six months. Gradually, I enlightened to less and less when I studied the Fa. I didn’t realize that my restless mind stemmed from my lack of respect for the Fa. One’s respect for the Fa manifests only when one’s xinxing is good.
Our team was short on manpower. Not only did I coordinate all matters related to each Shen Yun performance, I also brought the Shen Yun merchandise from city to city. I could not take the train and study the Fa because I had to drive a car full of goods. I usually drove alone for nine or ten hours when there was a traffic jam. Thus, I did not have time to focus on cultivation.
Eliminating Attachments
At the end of April, two weeks before the Shen Yun tour ended in our country, I started to have a fever, and my entire body ached. Because of the pain, I could not straighten my back when I drove. I knew this shouldn’t happen to a practitioner and that something was wrong with my cultivation state.
After the Shen Yun performances were completed, my life went back to normal. I spent more time cultivating, but my level didn’t improve. I became extremely sensitive and irritable to issues related to time. When a practitioner who memorizes the Fa every day advised me to do the same, or when a practitioner told me that she studied the Fa with different groups every morning and evening, I felt upset because I had too much work and no spare time to do these things.
I devoted a lot of time to many Dafa projects, including truth clarification, since the persecution of Falun Dafa began in July 1999. In the past 25 years, I worked almost every holiday and took very little time off. My life was simple and fulfilling. What I needed was time and sleep. Because other practitioners had time to memorize or study the Fa, I felt unbalanced, and my jealousy and complaints surfaced.
I always tried to do things quickly, and felt annoyed when someone or something took a lot of my time. I became anxious if an important thing was delayed too long. I didn’t realize that it was a reflection of my selfish nature, and I didn’t try to improve myself in this regard.
Last summer, I began having many negative thoughts that I later realized came from my selfish nature. These thoughts rapidly grew. As a coordinator, I helped many practitioners solve their problems. But some people took my help for granted and blamed me if I couldn’t help resolve their issue quickly. As a result, I felt irritated, anxious, and silently complained. Thus the old forces had an opportunity to persecute me.
During the first two weeks I felt unwell, I looked inward and found that I had the attachments of jealousy, resentment, ego, seeking comfort, and others, which I eliminated when I recognized them. Although the blisters slowly vanished, the pain persisted.
Two weeks later, I sent righteous thoughts after I did the second exercise (Falun Standing Stance) exercise for an hour. I remembered what Master said, “So why doesn’t the side of you that is your original nature rectify the Fa?” (“Expounding on the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement). I was shocked and quickly put my hands in the big lotus flower hand position. I felt energy flowing from my hands and rushing toward the sky. I realized I should let my original nature eradicate the interference.
I held the big lotus flower hand position for an hour while energy rushed from my hands. I felt very comfortable. I realized Master wanted me to read the article, so I read it repeatedly.
When I read, “Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage,” I realized my mistake. I wrongly thought that my illness was an indication that I was eliminating karma and it would heal over time. I should have negated the interference when it first appeared. I was not unwavering in the face of tribulations and I did not attempt to improve my xinxing.
I read many articles on the Minghui website in which the practitioners in China described how they overcame tribulations by enlightening to what Master said in, “Expounding on the Fa.” I learned from their experiences and identified and corrected my shortcomings that were not in line with Dafa.
Master said,
“For them, amidst the tremendously harsh persecution, every single thought and idea is critical. Whether you’ve done well or not; whether or not you’ve been susceptible to being persecuted; whether or not you’ve handled things correctly and to what degree you have been persecuted—all of this is directly connected to how you have walked your path and how you have thought about things.” (“What a Dafa Disciple is,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume XI)
Master Stands Up for Practitioners
Master arranged some tests to help me see my attachments and improve my xinxing. One practitioner habitually called and asked me to solve a problem she encountered while doing truth clarification, even though I was in a lot of pain. Another practitioner asked me to help her with an urgent matter even though she knew I was ill and my discomfort could be heard in my voice. Similar things happened every day. At first, I wasn’t happy that people seemed so insensitive to my suffering. After thinking that these occurrences might be testing me, my resentment diminished, and my condition improved significantly.
Although I improved in cultivation and denied the interference, I still hadn’t fully recovered. I wondered whether Master allowed this interference to test my cultivation. I realized that this thinking was wrong when I read “Expounding on the Fa” in which Master said, “I have told you the solemnity and sacredness of the Fa in order to eliminate your confusion about and misunderstanding of the Fa.” Master denies the old forces’ interference. He definitely does not allow evil to test his disciples in this way.
Master said,
“But all the same, Master doesn’t acknowledge them. And you shouldn’t acknowledge them either. Do things well in an upright and dignified way, negate them, and strengthen your righteous thoughts some. “I’m Li Hongzhi’s disciple, I don’t want other arrangements or acknowledge them”—then they won’t dare to do that. So it can all be resolved. When you can really do that, not just saying it but putting it into action, Master will definitely stand up for you.” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)
I started to wonder if I’d done enough to deny the old forces. I studied the Fa, practiced the exercises, and sent righteous thoughts, but I could not negate the old forces. Practitioners should seize the time to save people. The next day, I went to the office to work on the 2025 Shen Yun performance schedule.
When one does things for selfish reasons, the old forces will exploit this loophole. When one stands on the basis of wholeheartedly serving others, Master will help disintegrate the interference.
In the first few days in the office, I had intense pain from time to time, as if someone was poking me with a steel needle. I refused to take it passively and knew that the evil was exploiting me because of my lax cultivation and also because I tried hard to pass my responsibilities on to other practitioners.
One day, I said to Master in my heart, “My greatest wish is to help Master rectify the Fa. My cultivation level now is not high enough to do all the things myself. Master, please help me figure out what projects to allocate and to whom.” A practitioner soon contacted me and offered to help with a complicated but extremely important project, which required a high degree of security. This practitioner was a perfect candidate for the job. I hadn’t approached her because I knew she was also very busy. I didn’t know that she happened to have some free time. But Master knows every practitioner’s situation and sent her to help me.
Master has always protected me from tribulations and guided me on the path of cultivation. He helped me enlighten to Dafa’s principles, awakened my true nature, helped me improve my cultivation level, and arranged other practitioners to help with projects—no words can express my gratitude.
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Category: Cultivation Insights
