(Minghui.org) I started to practice Falun Dafa in 1997 when I was in college. I work in the professional and technical field. In addition, I opened my own business, which is doing well.
My husband and I were both married before, but our spouses passed away due to illness. After we got married and started to associate with fellow practitioners in his city, I saw the gaps between us and other practitioners. I felt like an ordinary person who knew Dafa was good. I saw my shortcomings and started to take cultivation seriously.
The first thing I did was to change how I studied the Fa. In the past, I was anxious to read as much as possible. I remember that, during my vacations, I would study several lectures a day. I treated Fa study like completing a task, but I didn’t see obvious xinxing improvement.
My husband told me I needed to slow down when I studied the Fa, that I needed to be attentive and let the content sink in. I paid close attention to the sharing articles by practitioners on Minghui. Some of the authors said that, as years passed, they did not feel themselves elevating and improving like when they first started to practice. All sorts of trials and tribulations surfaced, and they felt their cultivation had reached a bottleneck. After studying the Fa more slowly and with greater attention, they gradually became unstuck. I realized my problem came from how I studied the Fa.
I was interested in quantity when I studied the teachings, and my impatience really disturbed me. But when I slowed down and studied with a calm mind, the Fa principles were revealed, and it seemed that every sentence had a different meaning.
I realized that the Fa can solve all problems, and I understood its power. When I saw a fellow practitioner in an improper state, the Fa I’d absorbed began revealing itself in my mind. Each sentence pointed out to me the practitioner’s incorrect notions. This was a rare experience!
When I sent forth righteous thoughts in the past, I sat there but could not stop all kinds of thoughts from surfacing. Now I can focus. Whenever my mind wanders, I quickly become aware and refocus again.
Cultivating one’s xinxing is a truly painful and arduous process. My husband’s and my human attachments manifest in our daily lives. My strong personality and deep-rooted Chinese Communist Party culture made me highly irritable. My husband is stubborn. When he makes a mistake, he refuses to acknowledge his own issues, instead finding excuses and justifications to defend himself. He is also a bit lazy. As a result, the conflicts between us gradually escalated.
One day, a fellow practitioner visited us just as my husband and I were going through a xinxing test. I complained to the fellow practitioner that I had provided significant financial support to my husband and his family over the past few years, yet he continued to make demands. However, I had already let go of worldly attachments and had never made any demands on him in this regard. His demands were intolerable to me.
As I spoke, I suddenly realized, “Isn’t this Master using these circumstances to help me elevate my character?” Master has said we must help each other raise our xinxing. When I realized this, the resentment I had been harboring vanished instantly. Master had helped me eliminate the negative karma, and I immediately felt clear-headed and refreshed. It felt so good.
I didn’t go with my husband to his hometown this New Year. I wanted to study the Fa over the holiday. When I was alone, I thought about why I had such intense resentment and contempt for him. In experience sharing articles, practitioners often say that it is dangerous not to get rid of resentment. This time, I had to calm down, thoroughly dig out the root of that resentment, and eliminate it.
As I looked within, I realized that everything stems from a heart driven by self-interest. I had been supporting the family, both financially and at home, so I felt entitled to get angry about the slightest things that didn’t please me. I used to attribute this mindset to the pressures of supporting the family and the demands of work, but now I see that the root cause was my attachment to my own self-interest.
How to eliminate this negative mindset? I thought perhaps it stemmed from karmic ties from a past life, so, if I owed a debt, I would have to repay it willingly. Nothing happens to a cultivator by chance. Fate arranged for things to be this way, so why should they be so hard to let go?
When everything appeared to be mine—the money I earned, the house and car I purchased, and all the expenses I covered—I realized they might actually belong to someone else and were only temporarily entrusted to me. This was testing me, to see if I could let go of them. Could I take these things with me to heaven? Realizing this, I felt a sudden sense of relief.
The other day, my husband and I were both upset again over some minor issue. I couldn’t help but think, “If he would just back off a little, there wouldn’t be a conflict, would there?” I then realized: “Why can’t I look inward and cultivate myself instead of looking outward? This time, I must not disappoint Master. That uncontrollable anger is my selfish self, not my true self.” Gradually, I calmed down and thought, “The root of my stubbornness has been uprooted. From now on, when I encounter unpleasant things, I should be able to look within first and control myself.” I have finally learned how to cultivate.
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Category: Improving Oneself
