(Minghui.org) Recently, two conversations scared and awakened me.
Am I the Person Everyone Dislikes?
When I was sharing my experiences with practitioner Aling, she suddenly said that I was behaving like practitioner Baihui, which scared me. I know a bit about Baihui. She was a teacher who came across as arrogant and proud, often lecturing others. One of her most notable traits was her tendency to scold people. She could easily pick up on the slightest flaws in others and sometimes even used sarcasm and ridicule.
When encountering someone more talkative than herself, she tended to hold back and refrain from speaking. She would wait for the right moment to identify the person’s gaps or mistakes in their speech. Baihui knew that if someone talked too much, they were likely to make mistakes. She used these as opportunities to hit on the other person’s weaknesses. Ultimately, she regained control over the conversation and firmly held the floor until the other person stopped talking, or was “tamed.”
Additionally, some of her understandings were not aligned with the Fa teachings. For example, she did not permit other practitioners to go out to clarify the truth. Instead, she only allowed them to recite the fifth lecture of Zhuan Falun. She never read Minghui Weekly and discouraged others from reading it as well. Because she did not let go of the attachment of fear and did not understand the Fa principles, no one listened to her. A few years ago, she went overseas.
This was the first time someone criticized me in such a harsh manner and compared me to the person that everyone disliked. I felt it was extremely unfair, especially since I had invested time and effort to share my experiences to help Aling. How could she possibly compare me to Baihui? In the past, I would have argued with her or stopped talking to her altogether. What was this? I thought, “Regardless of my flaws, I could not be as bad as Baihui.”
Nevertheless, I know that as a Dafa practitioner, nothing happens by chance. Reflecting on the situation during our conversation, I realized I was always rushing to speak. Like a child who had done something wrong, Aling lowered her head and listened to my lecturing. It was difficult for her to get a word in. Occasionally, she would manage to say a few words, but she would be quickly drowned by my talking.
I looked inward and realized that I have been strongly influenced by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture, and my competitive mentality is quite strong! Especially when it comes to controlling the narrative, I realized that I acted similarly to practitioner Baihui. As a coordinator, no one speaks to me in that manner. For this reason, I would tend to look inward when I encountered something. Sometimes, I would do this at the moment; other times, it would happen on the way home, or occasionally when I got home. Now, someone was pointing out my problem, which was good. Her criticism can help me eliminate my domineering mindset and ego. I am grateful to practitioner Aling for pointing out my problem and helping me cultivate.
Do I Think Too Highly of Myself?
The Qingming Festival was approaching, and my 80-year-old aunt, who lives in another city, called me to discuss her plans. Every year, she returns to her hometown to honor our ancestors, but she mentioned that she found it difficult to climb the mountain due to her age. She asked me to accompany her this time.
I didn’t agree at the time, and mentioned that I hadn’t been there in many years. This response upset my aunt, and she directed a series of accusations at me. She labeled me as someone who disowns their relatives and doesn’t care about our ancestors. She was also sarcastic, implying that I think too highly of myself, and made personal jabs at me, saying things like, “Look at your teeth!”
She didn’t say much, just a few words, but every word struck my heart. I remained silent, yet inside, I rebelled against her remarks. I set the phone aside, muttering in my heart, “What’s going on with her? Didn’t I run back and forth when my uncle (her husband) was hospitalized? How can you claim that I do not care about my own relatives?”
As soon as the call ended, I blocked her number. I felt disgusted, believing that the CCP culture had heavily influenced her. It wasn’t surprising, considering she came from an era when the CCP strongly impacted everyone. She tended to label others and impose her will on them. At the same time, I looked down on her. She had practiced Falun Dafa before, but after the CCP started its persecution of the practice, she turned to Buddhism in search of peace. Can she really find peace there? The heart condition she had previously overcome while practicing Falun Dafa had returned, and recently, she was also diagnosed with pancreatitis. Other practitioners and I tried many times to persuade her to return to Dafa, but we were unsuccessful. I harbored some negative feelings toward her in my heart.
Later, I realized this was not right. Am I not a practitioner? Besides, she is already 80 years old, shouldn’t I think from her perspective? What am I practicing for? Where is my kindness and love?
That day, my eldest brother called to ask about the situation. I shared my thoughts with him, expressing that I would accompany my aunt when she came and I would take care of everything, including going to the mountain. I reassured him that our aunt wouldn’t need to worry about anything. I felt it was important to understand my aunt, considering her advanced age, the fact that she no longer practices Dafa, and her poor health. I decided to unblock her phone number.
Regarding her comments about my teeth, she was telling the truth. My dental health is poor. Both my upper and lower teeth are loose. The way I look is mainly due to not cultivating my speech. I only have three upper teeth remaining, and while I have a few lower teeth along with some dentures, they are not in good shape and are crooked. I wanted to get them repaired, but my dentist suggested getting them extracted. I was hesitant and preferred to keep my original teeth, so I left them as they were. Although I experienced pain in my teeth sometimes, it usually subsided quickly.
Moreover, haven’t I been strongly influenced by the CCP culture? I have not worked on cultivating my speech, and I would often say whatever came to mind without considering others’ feelings or giving others a chance to speak. I was neither truthful nor kind, and I can’t claim to be tolerant, which is entirely contrary to the principles of the universe. My tone would often be arrogant and forceful, and my voice was not low. Every sentence I uttered would be marked with the CCP culture and self-centeredness. These attachments must be removed. My aunt is reminding me to cultivate my speech and to get rid of the CCP culture.
I realized that I have resisted accepting advice and did not want to listen to criticism. In these aspects, I must be diligent and work hard to cultivate myself, get rid of these human thoughts, attachments, and the concepts behind them, and make progress in cultivation.
I appreciate my fellow practitioners and relatives for reminding me of my problems! Thank you once again!
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Category: Improving Oneself
