(Minghui.org) This morning, I sent righteous thoughts for a long time. After about 50 minutes, my mind began to feel uneasy, and all kinds of thoughts popped up. I continued for a while longer and tried to clear them out. Then I paused to examine the thoughts—they were all related to jealousy. I realized that I still hadn’t completely eliminated my jealousy, and it was actively interfering with my cultivation.
Actually, Master Li has previously reminded me about jealousy on two occasions. Once, I saw a sentence that one of my classmates wrote, “Some people always like to trample others.” But I didn’t give it much thought. As a person with low self-esteem, I didn’t regard myself as someone who trampled on others or harbored jealousy.
Later, while listening to the audiobook Dissolving the Culture of China's Communist Party, the sentence, “Take surpassing others as your motivation to do a good job,” made my heart skip a beat. I immediately stopped the audio player and looked within. I knew that Master was again reminding me about jealousy after I’d previously ignored it.
Therefore, I carefully examined the thoughts flashing through my mind: the class president in college was irresponsible and incompetent, and I looked down on him; such-and-such person receives compliments for her good looks, but I didn’t think she was better looking than me; I compared myself with my Fa-study partner, thinking that I did more truth-clarification and sending righteous thoughts than she did, and that she did not do well at memorizing the Fa or doing the morning exercises; I felt deflated when other practitioners talked about what they saw with their third eyes, yet I couldn’t see anything; when a practitioner was praised, I felt uncomfortable and looked for her flaws.
All these thoughts are rooted in jealousy. I couldn’t bear to lag behind others or see others doing better than I was. Thus, I covertly competed with them. I only saw people’s shortcomings, but forgot that these could be mirrors reflecting my own shortcomings. I couldn’t believe that I had such a dirty mentality. Cultivation is about elevating oneself and correcting oneself according to the principles of Dafa. I should be happy for practitioners who have good cultivation states instead of competing with them, or even being motivated to try to surpass them.
I was ashamed of having this deeply hidden attachment, and of thinking that I had cultivated well. I have not paid enough attention to jealousy, and I even thought I didn’t have much of it. Finding this jealousy made me question how well I had cultivated for the past thirty years and how well I had studied the Fa. Master compassionately gave me hints so I could recognize this attachment. Master’s merciful salvation and the people who eagerly wait to be saved are my motivations to improve.
I am determined to eliminate this dangerous jealousy, keep correcting myself, and keep improving in the Fa so that Master will worry less about me. Thank you, Master!
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Category: Improving Oneself
