(Minghui.org) My wife has never heated up leftovers more than once, and will throw them away after that. I had tried to stop her, saying, “This is still good to eat. Can’t we just heat it up again and finish eating it?” My wife disagreed and continued doing it her way. We got into arguments a few times because of this.
I was confused because I did not know what I was supposed to cultivate in this situation. She wastes food and creates karma. I was not wrong to correct her. I was unwilling to give in, so I reasoned with her. I told her traditional Chinese stories about being thrifty, my experiences from the famine when I was young, and how being simple is a noble behavior, but my wife just laughed at me and said, “What year is this? Why are you still mentioning those cliché things?”
I did not think that this was a trivial matter, but no matter how I tried talking to her she just would not listen. My only option was to quickly finish the leftover food during each meal, so I often ended up bloated and kept burping. This could not continue for too long, but I just could not see where I was wrong.
I realized that there was something for me to cultivate in this matter. I recalled Master’s teaching,
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I just kept tolerating my wife for a long period of time. I thought to myself, “You harm yourself and I will pretend that I did not see it.” I was actually treating the issue negatively, instead of improving my xinxing.
As I did not let go of the attachment, a conflict would ultimately occur. One morning, my wife was preparing a meal in the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and saw that half a plate of green beans and a plate of watermelon leftover from the previous meal were still there. I had placed them in the refrigerator because I was afraid that she would throw them away. I took out a piece of watermelon and ate it. Just as I was about to take out another piece, I opened the refrigerator and saw that the green beans and watermelon were gone. Looking down, I saw that they were all in the trash.
I got angry and asked her, “They were not spoiled. Why did you throw them away? Is it because you are living too comfortably?” I knew that this was a test, but I just could not tolerate her behavior and wanted to vent my frustration. Seeing my angry face, my wife just kept silent. I said, “You can throw them away as you please. In the future, you can eat the food you cook by yourself. I am not going to eat it.” With that, I slammed the door and left.
After that, I felt very depressed. Why did I lose my temper so severely over such a small thing? Analyzing myself, I discovered that I had been lingering in this state for a very long time. I looked at things from my wife’s perspective and thought, “She does things this way because of her notions. Her notion is that eating leftovers can cause illnesses. Ordinary people often live controlled by notions and attachments. Notions and attachments are also living beings. Why would they listen to me? If they listened to me, wouldn’t they have to die? My stopping my wife is also a notion. I used my notion to correct her notion. As my starting point is selfish and self-centered, there is no power from the Fa to disintegrate the unrighteous elements behind her, so naturally she will behave like this. The more she did not listen to me, the more I tried to correct her. Here, I have missed an important point, which is that it is sufficient if an ordinary person has a positive understanding about Dafa. The rest is not important. When she obtains the Fa one day, she will correct herself. I’ve kept trying to control her from a higher position and I still feel that I am righteous. This is a display of Chinese Communist Party culture of self-claiming great, glorious, and correct. Now, the one who needs to change is me, not her. Cultivation is cultivating one’s heart.”
I now understood the meaning of “letting go!” Letting go is not judging who is right or wrong in a matter. That is relaxing after understanding a principle. I do not have to care about what the other party does. It is not holding back and bottling everything up to myself. My wife has always been helping me cultivate, but I’ve kept correcting her. I did not cultivate myself to have tolerance and compassion. Instead, I’ve kept thinking about changing her, but not about changing myself. This is no different from the old forces. When I truly let go, it seemed that I had gotten rid of many attachments.
My wife still does what she does. She still keeps throwing away leftovers. However, my attitude has changed. I no longer focus on her lifestyle, and I am able to treat her with tolerance. We are thus able to get along harmoniously and enjoy every day.
The above are my limited understandings. Kindly correct me if there is room for improvement.
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Category: Improving Oneself
