(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. I would like to tell you how I cultivated away my deep-seated attachment of hatred.
My Childhood Years
My mother had serious heart problems. My older brother and sister lived with our grandparents. Growing up, I was careful not to cause any distress to my parents—I was afraid my mother would die.
My mother passed away when I was 15 years old and so began my misery. My father was a government employee and was sent to be reeducated on rural farms during the Cultural Revolution. He was absent from home for many years.
Our grandparents moved in with us. I was going through a growth spurt at that time. When mother was alive we ate reasonably well. After my sister got married my grandmother gave her all our refined grains. If I ate a little more food she scolded me. Our neighbor told her, “They’re all your grandchildren, aren’t you being unfair?”
Grandmother looked upset every time I asked her for money to buy school notebooks. I tried my best to use both sides of the notebook pages. Without mentioning my name, our math teacher complained that it was difficult to grade our homework if an ink pen was used on both sides of the page.
Growing up in this environment, not only did I not thrive physically, I also became timid and I learned to read other people’s moods. Because I was afraid I’d eat more than I was allowed, I quickly ate a little and then left the table. Things became even worse after my father remarried. When he occasionally returned home, tears would stream down my cheeks when my father secretly said, “Don’t be afraid to eat.” I cried a lot during those years.
Married Life
I became hopeful when I reached a marriageable age, thinking I would have my own home, and I wouldn’t need to worry about other people anymore, except my mother-in-law, who I planned to get along with and treat as if she were my own mother.
However, things did not turn out as I hoped. My mother-in-law had a quick temper. My husband and I had a minor argument before we married, and one of my coworkers tried to help us sort things out. A reasonable person would be friendly towards a visitor, but my mother-in-law told the coworker to leave.
I cried many times. Having already suffered as a motherless child, my worst fear was to marry into the wrong family. If my future family was like this before we were even married, I could not imagine what would happen once I became a wife and daughter-in-law. I wanted to end the engagement, but my husband begged me to stay and promised nothing unpleasant would happen.
Perhaps this was just my fate because I wanted to leave my loveless childhood home. Instead I left a miserable home and entered one that was just as bad. Whenever my husband and I got into a minor disagreement, my mother-in-law threw me out of the house.
I hoped my husband’s sister would understand and put in a few good words for me, so we could talk things over after everyone calmed down. However, she said, “I don’t care. Just don’t do anything to upset my mom.” Then she said some things that were untrue to provoke me. The conflicts escalated to the point that both my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law beat me. I am an introvert, and my suppressed anger almost caused me to have a mental breakdown.
Early one morning, while I was still in bed, my mother-in-law banged on the door hysterically. The noise made my one-year-old baby scream in fear. Then she kicked me out of the house, shouting, “With you gone, my son will find someone better!” I had nowhere to go, so I moved into the work dormitory for single employees.
My childhood friend said, “You called many people mom, but none of them treated you like a daughter.”
All the memories of living under other people’s roofs and not being loved left a painful imprint on me, and I harbored hatred towards those who hurt me. Walking alone on the street at night, seeing all the houses with lights on, I lamented that the vast world was full of homes, yet there was no place for me to go to. If Heaven was watching, I hoped it would have pity on me.
I lived in the dorm for more than six months and cut off all contact with my in-laws. Although my mother-in-law had my husband bring me their heirloom gold ring as an apology, my resentment grew even stronger. My father attempted to resolve things, but my hatred for them did not stop.
I visited temples, burned incense, and looked for fortune tellers, hoping to meet a wise person who would bring me justice.
Two different fortunate tellers said I had a connection with Buddhism. The person I went with was very devout and chanted mantras every day, but the fortune tellers did not say the same about her. I did not see myself as different from anyone else—it just seemed that I had to endure more hardships. I lived a life full of hatred for more than 10 years.
I Begin Practicing Falun Dafa
I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997 and I understood what the fortune tellers were talking about. I had spent many lifetimes waiting for Dafa.
Master Li Hongzhi untied the knot in my heart. It became clear that all the suffering was caused by my own karma. I could go home with Master after all the karma was transformed. If I hadn’t met these difficult people, I would have met other people instead as my karma had to be reworked. Nothing happens without a reason.
Falun Dafa’s teachings helped get rid of my hatred. Everything in life is just a play. Master has been watching over me for many lifetimes. I am very fortunate and immersed in joy every day.
My child no longer needed to call every day and check if his mother was being bullied. Master enlightened me that the hardships I endured were paving my cultivation path, and helped me completely let go of all the resentment.
I started communicating again with my husband’s family. I brought my mother-in-law gifts, usually worth more than those I gave my father. One time an aunt from my in-law’s side said, “You give her presents and help her do the housework, yet she does not say anything good about you behind your back.” My old self would have gotten angry over this comment, but I am a Dafa practitioner now. I’m no longer bothered by worldly matters—I just do what I ought to do.
Once I arranged a taxi to bring my mother-in-law to our home. The driver said, “You have such a good daughter-in-law!” She replied, “She is alright.” In the past, I would have thought she was being difficult. But now, I only see this as a test to help eliminate any expectation of gratitude and appreciation.
The year my in-laws turned 90, two decades after they kicked me out, I invited them to come live with us and have our bedroom. They were quite elderly, and I wanted them to enjoy the best room in our apartment. My husband has two older brothers and one older sister, each had difficult circumstances at home. We are the youngest in our generation, so we volunteered to care for the elderly parents.
My mother-in-law was incontinent, so I changed her diapers and washed her pants. The odor of her diapers was especially strong. She said, “I am actually not a bad person.” I thought, “I am a Dafa practitioner, I don’t dwell on the past.”
My father-in-law was a respectful person. However, as he got older, he sometimes missed the toilet and forgot to flush. I would remind him with a smile. Before each meal, I would call to him cheerfully.
My husband has a quick temper, and often shouted at me. I would reply, “Don’t shout in front of our elders, otherwise they might think we are arguing, and feel uncomfortable living here.” I smiled at them every day. Master taught us to consider others, so I am a kind, helpful person everywhere, and think of others.
My husband’s siblings were touched by what we did. For one, we took care of a heavy burden. Also, due to our past relationship, they were embarrassed to ask me to help take care of their parents. They gave us money every month towards the expenses. After their parents passed away, they wanted to give us an extra share of the inheritance. I said to my husband, “We won’t take more than our share, we did not do this for money.”
I was able to care for my in-laws with compassion because I practice Falun Dafa. I would not have done any of this if I were not a cultivator. My health would not be good if I did not practice Dafa. My husband said, “Our family members are all quite moved, knowing that as a Dafa practitioner you repaid hatred with kindness.” His whole family came to understand the truth about Dafa, and my in-laws even read Dafa books with me. My mother-in-law said, “The words of Dafa are so correct!”
My sister-in-law also read the Dafa books. One time her husband shouted “Falun Dafa is good!” at our family gathering in a restaurant. They are almost 80 years old now. I make them food sometimes. They often invited me to join them for meals because they were moved by my positive changes after I began practicing Falun Dafa.
I am grateful to Master for helping me let go of resentment and changing me completely. I will treasure the little time we have left, do the three things well, fulfill my vows, and repay Master’s compassionate salvation.
