(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for nearly four years. Before that, I was a lay Buddhist for 27 years, and I suffered constantly. The physical and mental pain was beyond words. I could recite many Buddhist scriptures, but they did not ease my constant suffering, not my physical pain nor my mental anguish. I was often sad and always felt hopeless and helpless about life.
In 1994, I divorced my husband because he was irresponsible and was addicted to gambling. After we divorced, I faced financial hardship, emotional distress, the pain of missing my children, and the torment of gossip. All of this suffering overwhelmed me: I felt utterly miserable and helpless.
I then made a difficult decision: to become a lay Buddhist. Along with a dozen others, I started practicing Buddhism. At that time, I didn’t understand anything about the Buddha or what the Buddha Dharma was. I simply believed that practicing Buddhism was much better than leading a life of indulging in vices. During those years, I went everywhere to chant Buddhist scriptures for people and went to temples to chant scriptures and perform Buddhist rituals. I believed that doing so would help others to eliminate karma and alleviate their illnesses. But how could I eliminate others’ karma when I had so much karma myself?
After our divorce, my husband began to practice Falun Dafa. After he started to cultivate Dafa, he told me, “You should learn about Falun Dafa; it’s the highest Buddha Dharma.” Due to my karma, I didn’t believe him. I even said things to hurt his feelings.
We remarried in 2022. I did so with a heart full of resentment, hatred, and grievance. I intended to get revenge and then leave—I did not plan to stay with him for life. That was me after wandering around for 27 years in Buddhism: I had not let go of any attachments or eliminated any of my negative emotions. Of course, with such a wicked mindset, how could we possibly have a good life together? I often beat and scolded him, and mocked and ridiculed him. I still suffered intense pain every day after we remarried.
My husband was driving us somewhere one day when memories of past events suddenly came to me, and I became so angry I couldn’t control myself. I raised my hand and hit him. He had to stop the car and asked, “What if you hit me while I’m driving and cause an accident? You claim to be a Buddhist, but do you act like one? Stop reciting Buddhist scriptures! Just recite, ‘Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.’” Despite my lack of self control, I did recite the phrases.
As I did, my heart calmed down, and my mind became clear. I apologized, “I shouldn’t have hit you, but I just couldn’t control myself. When we get home, can I read your Falun Dafa books?”
“Okay,” he said. “That would be great.” That was how I started cultivating Dafa.
Gradually, I came to understand that all the suffering I experienced in this life was due to karmic debts I’d accumulated throughout countless past lives. All the suffering in this lifetime and in countless past lives was laying the foundation for me to cultivate Dafa. I smiled sincerely, feeling fortunate to be a Dafa practitioner, especially during the Fa-rectification period. It makes all the suffering worthwhile. I, who hadn’t smiled for 66 years, was able to genuinely smile! I often say to Master, “Master, please don’t give up on me due to my foolishness. I will heed your teachings, and I will correct my mistakes.”
When my thought karma arises, I focus on distinguishing between my true self and the thought karma, and have my true self take charge. When I feel that my husband is annoying me or I don’t like what he says, I read Master’s teachings to improve my xinxing. For example, Master taught us:
“As a cultivatorOne always looks for one’s own faults‘Tis the Way to get rid of attachments most effectivelyThere’s no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]“He’s right,And I’m wrong,”What’s to dispute?”(“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong,” Hong Yin III)
I came to understand that when my husband said things that upset me, Master was using the situation to test my xinxing and assess how much my heart’s capacity had increased. He was giving me an opportunity to improve further. Master said, “All the arrangements made for you as cultivators are for your benefit.” (“Teachings at the Conference in the Eastern U.S.”)
I came to understand from the Fa that to save all beings in the universe, including us, Master has made immense sacrifices and given everything. What reason do we have not to rectify ourselves in the Fa? A practitioner once wrote in an article, “My gratitude to Master is beyond words.” I agree. It was Master who saved me, Master who saved my whole family, Master who gave us a happy home, and Master who constantly watches over us and awakens us.
I have practiced Falun Dafa for nearly four years, and I am immensely thankful for Master’s holy grace. I often tell my husband, “Let’s cultivate diligently, correct our every thought and action according to the Fa, and discard our desires and attachments. We must cultivate ourselves well to be worthy of Master’s compassionate salvation.”
From now on, I will walk the Fa-rectification path arranged by Master, study the Fa well, do the three things well, send forth righteous thoughts more often, and save more lives. I want to be worthy of Master’s compassionate salvation.”
I am a new practitioner. If anything above is not in accordance with the Fa, please point it out. I am once again thankful for Master’s sacred grace!
