(Minghui.org) I was born into a poor family in the autumn of 1945, and spent my childhood hungry, weak, and often sick. I survived the three years of the Great Famine and lived through the chaotic years of the Cultural Revolution, when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) encouraged people to persecute each other. Later, I was forced to go to the countryside and was subjected to a form of forced labor. I struggled and competed with other young people to return to the city. I worked as a laborer and I later became a teacher. I read Falun Gong in 1993 and felt it was very good. I thought, how wonderful it would be if people could be kind. I began cultivating.
Throughout my 33 years of cultivation I have gone through many hardships and tests that pierced my heart and soul. I let go of many attachments and changed my incorrect notions.
Eliminating Jealousy
During my school years, I was deeply influenced by CCP culture and developed many unhealthy ways of thinking, which led to strong jealousy. When others gained benefits I felt they were taking what should have been mine and I was upset. I was jealous but I wanted to break free of it. However, this mindset was ingrained. Without proper guidance it was very difficult for me to eliminate it. Jealousy was like a constant enemy in my life, always tormenting me, and it seemed impossible to shake off.
In middle school I was the secretary of the Youth League for seven classes. One day, a girl I always looked down on was promoted and became a Youth League committee member. I was furious. I complained to the League secretary, trying to influence the situation. I was so angry that I couldn’t eat or sleep.
The Cultural Revolution delayed my path to a college education, and my high school diploma was not recognized. After I became a teacher I was never eligible for salary increases, promotions, or awards, even though I did the same work and met the same requirements. I constantly felt resentful. My obsession with fame and fortune led me to take the adult college entrance exam. Despite my poor health I earned a college degree. In the competitive environment at work I still couldn’t find peace of mind. As I grew older, I developed more illnesses. I was frequently hospitalized and I had to take medicine every day. Every day felt like torture, and I didn’t want to live past the age of 50. Then I discovered Falun Dafa.
Falun Dafa helped me understand the true meaning of life. I realized that what I had been pursuing and couldn’t get was likely not meant for me, and it was something I could neither bring with me at birth nor take with me at death. Gains and losses in life are predetermined. If someone hasn’t accumulated virtue in previous lifetimes they will have nothing no matter how hard they work. Once I understood this my heart became calm, and I was freed from the pain of jealousy. My illnesses were gradually eliminated by Master and I experienced the joy of being free of illness. For over 30 years, I have not taken any medicine or needed to go to the hospital. I once thought I wouldn’t live past 50, but I’m now 81 years old.
Eliminating Self-Righteousness and the Inability to Accept Criticism
I was a student leader for a long time and later became a teacher. This led me to develop a strong ego and feeling of being self-righteous. I did not like hearing criticism and I did not allow others to point out my shortcomings. I happened to marry someone who constantly criticized and corrected me. This made me very upset. We often argued about who was right and who was wrong and I was very angry.
My argumentative and unyielding attitude eventually led to a tribulation. My spouse and I went out to post truth-clarification stickers. He felt I wasn’t careful and tried to restrict my actions. I resented this and posted one when he wasn’t looking. I was seen on camera, and we were taken to the police station. Although we were released that day my son lost his job. I looked deeply within and realized it happened because I was argumentative and defiant. I decided to eliminate these attachments, and I gradually changed. I used to argue and defend myself. Later, I could remain silent, though still unwilling inside. Now, I can remain calm and not get angry.
Eliminating Interference From Other Dimensions
Around 2009, because I deeply believed what I saw and heard in other dimensions, I attracted a tribulation. The old forces appeared as Master’s image and said I was an utterly wicked person and wished they could send me to hell. I had always been self-righteous, fell into a state of collapse. I thought Master no longer wanted me. Without Master and Dafa, what meaning did my life have? I truly believed that image was Master.
After calming down and recalling Master’s teachings, I found a way out: Only Dafa could save me. So I studied three lectures of Fa every day and deeply reflected on myself. I eventually broke free from the despair. I realized that the old forces were using my self-righteousness and other attachments to try to destroy me.
Eliminating Greed, Stinginess, and Attachment to Gain and Loss
Since I suffered hardships from a young age, I valued money greatly. After I began practicing Falun Dafa I was able to return money people lost. I helped those in need, and I contributed money to projects that save people. However, I hadn’t completely leg go of my attachment to material gain. I kept money at home in what I thought were safe places, yet I lost money several times—thousands at a time—at one point all the money on my bank card was withdrawn. It was a truly heart-wrenching experience that directly struck my greed and stinginess.
I usually bought the cheapest items and I was very picky. Yet I often didn’t use what I bought to its full potential. Strange things also happened—money would disappear from my wallet for no reason; sometimes tens or hundreds at a time. One time, my wallet was even stolen at a market.
Through those repeated tribulations, I gradually became less attached to money and less concerned about gain and loss. As Master said, “...as a practitioner should follow the course of nature. If something is yours, you will not lose it. If something is not yours, you will not have it even if you fight for it.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
Eliminating Strong Resentment and the Desire for Revenge
Before I practiced Falun Dafa, I felt I had to protect myself. I avoided those who hurt me. I resented them and hoped they would encounter misfortune.
A couple who hated me during the Cultural Revolution reported me to the police, trying to have me imprisoned. Although they failed, they continued to spread rumors about me. They were later transferred to a work unit near me and formed a group to isolate and undermine me, creating obstacles for me at work. After I began practicing Dafa I did not take these things to heart and I focused on doing my job well. My coworkers admired my tolerance and generosity.
I later learned that one of them died of heart disease and the other of colon cancer. After I heard this, I discovered a hidden sense of satisfaction. My reaction was not compassionate. I immediately corrected my thinking and eliminated my resentment. I was able to sincerely treat those who hurt me with kindness, and treat everyone well. I came to understand that nothing in life happens without a reason—everything has its cause, and the principles of heaven are absolutely fair.
Eliminating Impatience and Irritability
I am not quick or efficient in doing things, yet I was very impatient. My spouse is slow and methodical and before I began cultivating I often lost my temper. I hurt my family, especially my children. After I began practicing Falun Dafa I gradually learned to restrain myself and reminded myself not to rush.
Eliminating the Fear of Hardship and Pursuing Comfort
When I began practicing I did not understand that cultivators endure hardship in order to eliminate their karma. My illnesses were resolved, and I no longer struggled bitterly for personal interests. I lived a relaxed and happy life.
After the persecution started on July 20, 1999, my husband was arrested and illegally detained in a labor camp. My children were also arrested, detained, or went missing. I was also illegally sentenced to forced labor. I felt I reached my limit. My fundamental attachment of only wanting to benefit from Dafa was exposed. I took a wrong path and did things I still regret. I am grateful that Master did not give up on me.
I don’t want to endure hardship, yet I owe karma from lifetime after lifetime. People come to this world to suffer and eliminate the karma they accrued. Hardship and suffering are actually good things—they allow us to repay our karmic debts. Once my thinking changed, my resistance to hardship gradually weakened.
I avoided trouble and I wanted to be comfortable. I did many things in the easiest way I could. I took shortcuts, and did things carelessly and half-heartedly. This is also a manifestation of Party culture, and I continue to work on eliminating these attachments.
Eliminating the Attachment to Seeking Rewards
I used to expect people to thank me when I did something for them. If they didn’t I felt uncomfortable, and resentful. Master teaches us to be selfless and think of others first in all situations. We should not seek any compensation or thanks. I still have too many of these shortcomings and I must work hard on improving them.
Eliminating Defensiveness
When in a conflict, I often failed to look within to find my attachments. Instead, I insisted on my way. I was unwilling to change, and I feared being affected by conflicts. To protect myself, I maintained a strong defensiveness, concealing my thoughts and actions, and I tried to avoid conflicts. This goes against the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. We should cultivate within conflicts—otherwise we cannot improve. I must change these tendencies, face conflicts bravely, and truly cultivate my heart.
Even though I’ve cultivated for over 30 years and I’ve constantly worked to eliminate my attachments, there are still many attachments I need to remove, such as resentment, fear, and sentimentality.
I feel fortunate to encounter Dafa. I feel even more fortunate that I can follow Master in rectifying the Fa and be a practitioner during the Fa-rectification period. I must cultivate myself well, constantly eliminate attachments and Party culture, and strengthen righteous thoughts so I can clarify the truth well and truly help Master save people. I am deeply grateful for Master’s compassionate salvation!
Category: Cultivation Insights
