(Minghui.org) When I was little, I read Zhuan Falun with my parents and I memorized some poems in Hong Yin. I left home as a young adult and stumbled quite a lot in society. In early 2004, I finally understood why Master Li introduced Falun Dafa and I was determined to practice—I no longer wavered between Dafa and worldly pleasures.
I was a smart, hardworking, and attractive, and I received a lot of compliments. I became proud, competitive and self-centered. When I had conflicts with others, I always believed I was right or I’d been wronged.
After I resumed practicing Falun Dafa, I improved myself through Fa study, and gradually formed the habit of looking inward. I no longer looked at conflicts superficially, but instead I examined the deep-seated reasons behind them. I’d like to share some of my experiences in looking inward and improving my xinxing. Please kindly point out anything improper.
I’m a recent PhD graduate in a life sciences related field and I’ve worked for more than six months as a project manager in a pharmaceutical company. When I first started, I thought my supervisor Tong knew everything, so I asked him whether we needed technical support.
Tong said no because he believed that doing it ourselves could help us familiarize ourselves with the procedures and master our skills faster. However, when it came to the actual technical tasks, Tong was unable to handle them. At the last minute, I was sent to reach out to the technical team lead for help.
The technical team was busy because they were responsible for not only research and development, but also client support, so they were quite frustrated by last-minute requests like mine. Finally, when I made a similar request again, the technical team lead scolded me in the chat group, accusing me of causing them a lot of trouble.
I was very upset and felt wronged, thinking that I was simply following orders and did not deserve to be criticized publicly like that. But on second thought, I reminded myself that, as a practitioner, I should be considerate and share part of the responsibility as Tong’s assistant. Therefore, although I felt it was unfair, I apologized to the technical team lead and thanked him for reminding me to be more considerate in the future.
Afterwards, I held a grudge against Tong and my tone was sometimes cynical. He sensed my attitude and became impatient with me. I felt I was surrounded by negative energy and I was gloomy.
One day, it suddenly occurred to me that this shouldn’t be the state of a Falun Dafa practitioner, so I began reflecting on the incident from a deeper level. I realized that, as a practitioner, I should never complain about a non-practitioner, but instead improve myself through what happened.
I realized that it was only natural for Tong to fall short in some areas, and if he was unable to think everything through thoroughly, then as his assistant, I should do a good job of refining the details to make the work complete.
I also realized that my feeling upset indicated that I had a lot of attachments, including saving face, resentment, worry, and the pursuit of ease and comfort. All of which I should remove.
My heart suddenly broadened, and I began to approach Tong more often to confirm details and learn from him in the areas where he was outstanding. From then on, we got along very well and became great partners.
Another incident happened after I worked at the company for six months. In a project I managed, my technical lead was Feng. Seeing that he was overwhelmed with tasks, I occasionally stepped in and helped him.
Once, an operational incident occurred due to miscommunication. As the project manager, my first reaction was to immediately find a solution, and then plan the next steps. However, Feng focused on finding out what caused the incident. When I pointed out that his focus was not the priority, he had an emotional breakdown and wept.
I realized I lacked kindness and did not put myself in Feng’s shoes. As the technical lead, it was natural for him to care about the accuracy of the operation and whether he fulfilled his responsibilities flawlessly.
I comforted him, telling him that I understood he was a responsible person who wanted to perform the tasks perfectly, and that it was my fault for being hasty and using a harsh tone. I suggested that we both calm down, evaluate the situation together, and decide what to do next.
After a moment of silence, he apologized to me, blaming himself for his anxiety and poor attitude. We then worked together, and after putting in a lot of effort, we made up for the incident.
From then on, Feng has been very friendly and respectful toward me. I came to understand how powerful compassion is. When one genuinely puts oneself in the other person’s shoes to understand and consider things, one’s compassion can touch the other person’s heart, and the situation will improve.
I understand that, as a Falun Dafa practitioner, nothing we encounter is a coincidence. Everything is arranged by Master to improve our xinxing.
I have fallen short in many aspects. For example, I thought I had a lot of life experience and, after resuming cultivation, I enlightened to many principles. As a result, I developed zealotry and a show-off mentality. Sometimes I couldn’t help but get involved in everyday people’s affairs. However, one day, while strolling in a park, I saw smoke coming out of a garbage can and hesitated about whether I should do something about it. Shortly afterwards, the smoke turned into fire, and other pedestrians quickly put it out.
I recalled Master said,
“If you do not help stop a murder or arson, what will you get involved with? Yet there is one point to be made: These things really do not have anything to do with our cultivators. They might not be arranged for you to run into.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I realized Master was giving me a hint that I became involved in things I shouldn’t have, while staying clear of things where I should have taken action. From that point on, I began to restrain myself from commenting on everyday people’s affairs and, only when necessary, shared some of my views with them based on my understanding of the Fa, without expecting them to change their decisions.
I know that I fall far short in passing tests well in cultivation and that I still have many attachments and some thought karma. I will remind myself that I am a Falun Dafa practitioner. I will listen to Master and follow him closely.
