(Minghui.org) Although I can now recognize my human notions when they arise and make a conscious effort to eliminate them, my jealousy continued to surface from time to time. I realized I needed to take a closer look at where the jealousy came from and then eradicate it.
Jealousy Caused By an Introverted Personality
Practitioner Lian shares her cultivation experiences at the group Fa study sessions. When she said she sometimes meditates for over two hours, I thought she could do it because she learned from my experiences, and that I meditate longer than she does, yet I’ve never mentioned it to the group. When she talked about how she managed her study time and increased her memorization of the Fa, I thought her daily workload was lighter than mine and that she had more free time and a better home environment, whereas I didn’t even have my own room.
I recognized these thoughts as jealousy surfacing. Although I have worked hard to get rid of jealousy over the years, I needed to find out why I was still jealous of others.
Furthermore, I developed a competitive spirit when I saw Lian doing well at reading and reciting the Fa during our group study. I didn’t think I had an attachment to competitiveness because I grew up with a short-tempered father and a strict mother, and I was forced to do household chores starting at age six, including being awakened at 5 a.m. every day to cook breakfast. With endless chores, I rarely played with other children, which made me introverted and reclusive. I’ve always been submissive, never argued with others, and kept my feelings to myself. Recognizing competitiveness arising in myself prompted me to look within.
In elementary school, my teachers praised my academic performance, and I became a class leader. My homeroom teacher often told my mother about the importance of schoolwork and asked her to give me fewer chores. When several classmates who lived nearby called on me to walk to school together, I realized I had become more competitive.
Lian shared her experiences because of her extroverted personality. She wasn’t showing off. Through sharing, she was urging us to cherish cultivation and cultivate diligently.
It finally dawned on me that my jealousy was related to my introverted personality. I had simply focused on eliminating it in the past without connecting it to my personality. In fact, Master Li has explained this clearly in his teachings, yet I failed to evaluate myself with the Fa or to let go of my attachment. When I failed to enlighten on my own, Master used Lian’s behavior to help me improve. Thank you, Master.
Jealousy Arising From a Notion
One day last year, I hired practitioner Ping to help with a window-cleaning job. While working together, I noticed that her hand movements were very refined and gentle, slow and deliberate. Though I didn’t say anything, my mind was in turmoil: Why was she cleaning windows so slowly and precisely? She doesn’t even speak elegantly in daily conversation. Although I’m paying her, she is doing the job in her own way.
However, I quickly recognized my thought and understood that the idea of absolute egalitarianism was influencing me. This had happened a few years ago, and Master had hinted that I held this belief. When it resurfaced, I realized I had to remove it.
Why did egalitarianism pop into my mind? It’s because communism had instilled the concept of equality in me. So whatever job I did, I felt that others who were paid the same salary should do the job to the same standard as I did. This notion of equality made me feel unbalanced and jealous.
Fundamentally, I think highly of myself. I am capable, quick on my feet, good at whatever I do, and have a big ego. This ego stems from the arrogant ideology in Party culture—defying heaven and earth—which taught people not to respect heaven, earth, or humility, but to magnify the self. My reaction to Ping’s behavior revealed my impatience, my attachment to personal gain, and my looking down on others, including her. Further searching revealed that all of the above stemmed from my attachment to self—I have to be at the center and judge everything by my own standards, rather than truly measure things by Dafa.
Attachment to the self and an inability to let go of it are the root causes of many human notions. Yet, as Fa-rectification Dafa disciples, we must cultivate ourselves to become selfless, put others first, and let go of our ego, which has developed through learned behaviors.
Continuing to Eliminate Jealousy
Many practitioners listen to Minghui radio podcasts featuring practitioners sharing their insights and cultivation experiences. However, my daily schedule was full, so I could only visit the Minghui website occasionally.
When I saw Ping listening to Minghui radio while working, I wanted to do the same. However, I clean offices at a state-owned enterprise with 300 to 400 workers and surveillance cameras everywhere. I had to consider my safety.
Therefore, I listened while working overtime on Sundays or when there were fewer people around. At first, my jealousy kept popping up. I asked myself what I was jealous of and why it was happening. Meanwhile, I reminded myself not to fear the jealousy but to work on eliminating it completely. Since it didn’t want me to listen to the practitioners ' sharing articles, I decided to keep doing so.
With persistence, I was able to consistently listen to the practitioners’ sharing articles.
Category: Improving Oneself
