(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2008. I’ve missed many opportunities to cultivate and improve myself. It took me more than a decade to work through my karmic relations with my husband and finally overcome the drawn-out tribulation in my marriage. I’ve let Master down and I haven’t lived up to his compassionate salvation.
A Rocky Marriage
The biggest tribulation I’ve faced in my cultivation is my marriage. My husband and I have very different personalities and we are not compatible. Soon after we married, we began to have conflicts. He was stubborn and stayed out drinking and partying after work every night. He never helped with our son or around the house—we barely saw him. This caused most of our fights.
As our relationship deteriorated, I started to sense that something was off with him. One day by accident, I saw his text messages and found out that he was having an affair. I stood in the bedroom holding his cellphone and I couldn’t stop trembling. Feeling like I lost my soul, I couldn’t think clearly. I was so distraught that I stopped in the middle of traffic one day, causing cars from all directions to slam on their brakes and honk at me.
My husband was furious when he found out that I knew about his affair. Our arguments became frequent and more intense, and our relationship hit rock bottom. It took a huge toll on our family life and the emotional well being of our young son. We were stuck in this misery day after day, year after year.
I Begin Practicing Falun Dafa
My sisters began practicing Falun Dafa before the persecution began in 1999. They tried many times to convince me to practice but I was reluctant, even though I knew Dafa is good. My older sister sent me a copy of Zhuan Falun and an issue of Minghui Weekly. I read both and this time, it resonated with me. I felt like a long-lost child who finally found her way home. I wept while I read. Since that day, every time I fought with my husband, I would take out the Minghui Weekly and read it—the articles in it helped me feel less resentful and more at peace.
I wanted to practice Falun Dafa but didn’t know any practitioners in my area. My older sister told me, “As long you have the wish to start, Master will help you.” In my heart, I asked Master for help to find local practitioners. Soon, my wish came true. I found a Fa study group that was in my area. I officially took up Falun Dafa and entered the pure land of Dafa cultivation. I do the three things that Master asks practitioners to do each day and it gives me a great sense of purpose.
The Great Tribulation
Less than a year after I began practicing, my husband came home drunk one night and dropped like a stone onto the couch. Hitting the couch with one hand, he waved the other at me, “I’ll give you two choices. First, you stop practicing and I’ll come back to you. We can rebuild our family together. The second is you continue with your practice and we get a divorce. The boy can pick whoever he wants to live with.”
I said, “I choose to practice Falun Dafa.”
Our son was terrified and cried, “Why me? Why is this happening to me?” Tears welled up in my eyes.
I grabbed my son and comforted him, “Don’t worry. It’s going to be fine.” My husband also cried. He screamed and cursed at me. When he was done, he slammed the door behind him and left. Before that point, my husband rarely came home anymore and we had grown used to it. I assured my son, “Don’t be sad. Master won’t let us be homeless.”
I ran a small store by myself, took care of my son, and did everything around the house. Besides paying for utilities and our son’s tuition, my husband never brought home a penny. However, he never mentioned divorce again.
Since taking up Dafa cultivation, I stopped picking fights with him and no longer got worked up over his affair. I did his laundry and cooked for him as usual. He didn’t appreciate it however, and often nitpicked and lost his temper with me.
In the heat of argument, my husband sometimes insulted Master, cursed and slandered Dafa. This is something I could not tolerate and it immediately triggered my combativeness. I got into huge fights with him which infuriated him even more. He once threw Master’s picture to the ground and tore up my Dafa books. The gut wrenching guilt was killing me—I knew it was all my fault! I didn’t know how to cultivate myself, didn’t abide by Master’s requirements to not fight back when punched or insulted, didn’t live up to forbearance, and even less so of compassion, causing my husband to show such disrespect toward Dafa.
Improving Myself and Getting Through the Tribulation
As I continued to work on myself and gradually gained a deeper understanding of the Fa principles, something fundamental changed. I was no longer simply enduring and swallowing my tears—I was able to remain calm and unmoved. This process took me more than a decade of cultivating myself. Once I achieved that big breakthrough, even when the occasional conflicts arose, my husband no longer mentioned anything negative about Dafa.
My husband came home after 10 p.m. one night about two years ago. He flung the door open and lashed out with nonstop insults, clenching his teeth in rage. Then he slammed the door shut and left. Within seconds, he returned and started cursing again. This happened three times but I remained calm. I had zero desire to argue with him. I went into the bathroom as he stood outside the door and cursed. I walked out of the bathroom, paused for a few seconds, contemplating whether I should explain myself.
Then I remembered what Master said,
“Don’t argue when people argue with youCultivation is looking within for the causeWanting to explain just feeds the attachmentBreadth of mind, unattached, brings true insight”(“Don’t Argue,” Hong Yin III)
So I didn’t saying anything. Since that day, my husband has not cursed. Although he still does not fully understand the truth about Dafa, he no longer flies into a rage, curses, or insults people. He also no longer throws the truth-clarification flyers that he finds in my room into the trash.
I am still far from reaching the requirements of a practitioner but I will try and cultivate myself well, do the three things diligently, and help Master save more sentient beings, including my family.
