(Minghui.org) I’ve practiced Falun Dafa with my family since childhood, but I lacked the will to endure hardship when I meditated. Whenever the pain from sitting in the full-lotus position became intense, I immediately took my legs down. Although I studied the Fa and did the exercises I avoided sitting in the full lotus position because I was unwilling to suffer any discomfort.
After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began persecuting Falun Dafa in 1999, I practiced the exercises even less: I used the excuse that my academic workload was too heavy. I read Master’s new articles when they were published, but I still wasn’t willing to cultivate diligently. I gradually became no different than a non-practitioner.
Over the past 30 years, I’ve drifted along with the downward current of human society, and I let my attachments to fame, fortune, comfort, lust, and resentment grow, along with an addiction to my cell phone. I also allowed thought karma to build up.
My academic and professional life has had its ups and downs, and during that time I even committed immoral acts, accumulating a great deal of karma. Afterwards, I deeply regretted this and felt as though I had fallen. When I studied the Fa and practiced the exercises, things improved for a while, but then I would easily slip back into my old ways and I was stuck there for a long time.
I am deeply grateful to Master for never giving up on me and for constantly offering me opportunities. In 2005, while helping an elderly fellow practitioner organize files on an MP4 player, I came across the audio version of the Minghui compilation, “Cultivating the Heart and Eliminating Desire.”
After listening to it, I realized I had been following the path arranged by the old forces. I read these articles many years ago, but at the time I was still young, hadn’t started dating yet, and wasn’t practicing earnestly, so hadn’t taken them to heart at all.
Master told us,
“People have to think in leading their lives. Because one is lost among everyday people, one will often form in one’s mind thoughts for fame, benefits, lust, anger, and so on. Over time, these thoughts become the powerful thought karma.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I realized why I’ve been so gloomy and listless, and why things never go as I hope—the thought karma I accumulated over the years constantly interfered with me. I decided to expose and eradicate it, but immediately afterwards, the thought arose: “Will I face backlash from this karma?”
Although I instantly realized this thought was wrong and tried to eliminate it by sending forth righteous thoughts, my Fa study and cultivation were insufficient, and my righteous thoughts lacked strength; so the old forces still exploited the loophole. It took several more months before I once again firmly resolved to expose and eradicate the thought karma.
This time, too, the moment I thought about eliminating it, I immediately felt physically uncomfortable and uneasy. As I worked to clear away this thought karma, it tried to hinder me; however, I firmly rejected it, sent forth righteous thoughts, and remained firm in the conviction that I was doing the right thing and that negative elements could not affect me.
Master immediately resolved the situation for me; the discomfort vanished, and I felt a gentle warmth spreading throughout my body. I must further strengthen my Fa study and cultivation, and walk the path Master arranged for me rather than the one arranged by the old forces.
I know that I have not done well over the past 30 years, and that this may have caused devastating consequences for my world and all the sentient beings within it. I am deeply sorry. As I write this, my tears flow uncontrollably; perhaps the sentient beings in my world are weeping too.
I have wasted far too much time; there is no time left for regret or remorse. I must simply be diligent, seize the time to truly cultivate, walk the path of cultivation Master has arranged for me, and return home with Master.
On the journey of return, whenever I find myself in a state of disarray, Master’s Fa serves as a reminder. Now that I have come to understand this, I am determined to catch up and walk the final leg of my path well; I must not forget my true home.
Whenever I identify an attachment, I promptly send forth righteous thoughts to expose and eliminate it, refusing to be easily swayed by thought karma or the old forces. I will strive to be a qualified Dafa disciple.
