(Minghui.org) Greetings revered Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!
I began practicing Dafa in 1996, and exactly 30 years have passed since then. Over the years, I have faced trials and tribulations big and small—some were passed with ease, while others were overcome with great effort. Today, I would like to share a few glimpses into my 30-year journey of cultivation.
I Begin Practicing Falun Dafa
In the summer of 1996, I saw a copy of Zhuan Falun at a relative’s house. I was curious, so I began reading it. When I came across Master’s words, “...one’s life is not for being human. It is meant to return to one’s original, true self.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
This struck a deep chord in me. When I was a college senior facing the question of what to do after graduation, I began to wonder about the purpose of life. Reading Master’s words felt like a sudden enlightenment. Then, when I read in Lecture Eight, “If I cannot save you, nobody else can.” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)
I thought, “I want to cultivate.” The very next day, I went to the practice site.
Those early days were filled with joy. Heading to the practice site each morning, the sky seemed bluer, the clouds whiter, the trees greener, and I felt profoundly fortunate. Aside from leg pain when I meditated, I didn’t face many xinxing tests. Sometimes I even thought, “Master, why don’t I have any xinxing tests? How am I supposed to improve?” However, ever since childhood, I had been haunted by a recurring nightmare where some people were chasing me to kill me. In the dreams, I was terrified, and I ran non-stop. This continued after I began practicing. Sometimes I would think in my dream, “I’m a practitioner now. If I can fly, they won’t catch me.” But I could barely hover and still felt exhausted. Then, during one dream, it suddenly occurred to me: “I’m a practitioner. This is what I owed them from before, and my debts must be paid. If they want to kill me, let them.” I stopped and waited for them to catch up. Nothing happened, and the nightmare never returned.
Overcoming the Test of Sickness Karma
Later, with two children, I was constantly stretched thin between work and family. I couldn’t keep up with Fa study and doing the exercises, and I couldn’t break through this state for a long time. With my cultivation state slipping, I began watching videos to relax. The old forces took advantage of this loophole. My heart frequently raced—at times, even the sound of someone speaking loudly was unbearable, and I felt as though I would collapse at any moment. Not wanting my husband to worry, I kept up my routine: working, cooking, doing housework, and driving the kids to their activities.
Back then, I faced tests several times a day from morning till night. There were critical moments, but by holding the thought that whether I leave or stay is in Master’s hands, I safely passed each tribulation. Yet afterwards, I remained unsettled and under immense mental stress, uncertain whether I could pass it the next time. Yet, I held onto one thought: I want to be a true Falun Dafa practitioner. To prevent human thoughts from taking over, I constantly recited Hong Yin, leaving no room for human notions in my mind. I also kept reminding myself of Master’s teaching: “Those ordeals and the suffering, no matter how great or harsh you find them to be, are good things, because they take place solely on account of your cultivation.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2008 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume VIII)
Master’s teachings on sickness karma are clear, and I understood them, yet my fear remained strong. I even felt that whenever I managed to completely eliminate this fear, the test would be over. Without fear, no false appearance of sickness karma in this physical dimension could affect me, and they would amount to nothing.
The most difficult moment occurred after several restless nights with a racing heart, when I felt pushed to my physical limit. That morning, I truly hesitated about whether I should go to work, as staying home meant revealing my condition to my husband. Clenching my teeth, I left the house anyway. Sitting in my car, I recited at the top of my voice over and over again: “Live with no pursuit, Die not caring about staying; Clear out all wild thoughts, Cultivating to a Buddha is not hard.” (“Non-Existence,” Hong Yin) —filling the entire car with the sound of reciting the Fa.
When I stopped at the traffic light outside my office, my tears fell uncontrollably—I didn’t know why I wept. I had only one thought in my heart: Thank you, Master. From that day, the false appearance of sickness karma that had troubled me for months simply disappeared.
Let Go of Feelings and Emotions
Two years ago, my older daughter was diagnosed with moderate depression. At that point, I hit rock bottom emotionally—sadness, anxiety, worry, fear, and disappointment intertwined—and cultivation suddenly felt unbearably painful and difficult.
I knew clearly that this test was aimed at my feelings and emotions, because they were still very strong. But it was easier said than done. Only when I studied the Fa was I able to calm my mind.
I knew why it hurt so much: I was treating my daughter as my personal possession—“my” child, “my” daughter. My ideal child is bright, healthy, with unlimited potential. But now my daughter’s future is likely to be just ordinary. This realization directly struck at my desire for fame and fortune, my feelings and emotions, and my selfishness.
Master said, “Let me tell you, every person in the entire world was at one point part of my family.” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)
My daughter not only shares a predestined relationship with me, but also with Master. She has her own home in Heaven. I should let go of my emotions and treat her with the utmost compassion.
I sent forth righteous thoughts for her, eliminating all the evil factors that blocked her from being saved by Dafa. Then I asked her to repeat “Falun Dafa is good, Truth-Compassion-Forbearance is good” with me. She hesitated for a moment, but eventually joined me. Later on, I began reading the Fa to her before bed, and she no longer resisted quite as much.
My husband says I’m particularly good at managing everyone’s time at home—always urging the kids to do this and that, like homework, music practice, going to bed early, and so on. My older daughter is rather rebellious. She needs to do these things at her own pace. When I disrupt her rhythm, it only makes her more tired and less willing to do what she’s told.
My husband actually touched upon a deep-seated attachment of mine: the need to control. I want things to stay within my grasp, and when I can’t control something, I feel a subtle unease. Before I obtained the Fa, I felt life was too unpredictable and that humans have no control over their destinies. After I read Zhuan Falun, I realized that one’s fate is determined by karma and nothing is accidental. At that moment, I felt it was truly wonderful and that I absolutely had to practice. I’m not sure if this is my fundamental attachment, but the fear and anxiety I’ve experienced for years are all related to this need to control. My worries about my daughters’ futures also stemmed from my fear of not being able to control what lies ahead.
Once I realized this, I knew I had to learn to let go—letting go of controlling my daughters’ schedules, letting them manage their own time and pick their own classes, and let go of my attachment to them attending a good university. I had to let them try things on their own and learn from their own mistakes.
Gradually, my daughter’s mood improved, and she became happier and happier. Seven months after her initial assessment, a follow-up evaluation showed that her depression had completely vanished! Thank you, Master!
Truth-Clarification Projects
A while ago, a Dafa project I joined reached a critical stage, bringing significant stress. Symptoms resembling my previous sickness karma began to resurface. Initially, my mind wavered as human notions surfaced. One thought crept in: What if I can’t pass this test? I immediately thought: No, I haven’t thoroughly clarified the truth to many people yet. A coworker held misconceptions about Shen Yun, and I had been waiting for a chance to have a good talk with her. The next day, I sent her a text clarifying the truth, and she ultimately expressed that she had nothing against Dafa. That evening, I dreamed of this coworker bringing up a matter tied to a deeply hidden attachment of mine. Master saw my desire to save people and used this to point out that attachment to me.
I also looked within and found that my stress came not only from wanting to be responsible for the project, but was also mixed with the mentality of doing things and validating myself. Doing well in a project to save people is essential, but behind the push to get things done was a desire to validate myself and have others acknowledge my performance, rather than a pure mind focused solely on saving people. I also sent righteous thoughts, recognizing that this interference was targeted at our truth-clarification work. Normally, we search out the evil when sending righteous thoughts; now that it had come to me, I simply eliminated it—no interference with saving people can be tolerated. With that, this test passed very quickly.
I would also like to share another miraculous experience. Based on direct data feedback, one of our videos was performing very poorly, so I paused it. But in the days that followed, the overall campaign performance dropped significantly. I thought about resuming the video with a $200 daily budget. Two hours later, I saw that it was set to $300. Assuming I had made a typo, I checked the change history. The logs showed I had changed it to $200, and then changed it from $200 to $300 a minute later. Yet I knew beyond doubt that I had only changed it once. Was Master hinting that this video was actually fine and deserved a higher budget? Indeed, the overall performance bounced back soon after. It really shows that when we do things with a pure heart, Master will harmonize what we do not know or lack.
Looking back on my 30 years of cultivation, I feel immense gratitude to Master. Moving forward, I will study the Fa more, let go of human notions, cultivate with a pure heart, and do the three things well, to live up to Master’s compassionate salvation!
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2026 Midwest US Fa Conference)
