I attained the Fa in March 1999. It hasn't been a year since then. Thinking back, I don't think my attaining the Fa was accidental. I emigrated to the US from Guangzhou in October 1998. My daughter wanted me to go visit Guangzhou during her vacation in March 1999. I didn't want to go back as I had just been here for less than half year. But one of my teeth was broken. I heard it was very expensive to crown it in the States. So I decided to go back to do it. I arrived in Guangzhou on March 19. A colleague of mine was surprised to see me. He said, "How come you are back so quick? I just bought a copy of Zhuan Falun for you. I was wondering how to give it to you. Now that you are back, I can give it to you." It turned out that he attained the Fa four months ago and felt it very good. He believed I would definitely want to practice this one from his understanding of me. So he bought a copy for me. On March 23, 1999, I got a copy of Zhuan Falun.
During the month of my staying in Guangzhou, I joined the group practice and study at the practice site of my work place. I watched the videotape of Teacher's lecture in Guangzhou. The day before I left for the US, I went to a large sharing conference in Guangzhou. This first month was very important to me. I realized the importance of studying the Fa. I knew that studying the Fa had first priority. I kept my Fa study every day from then on.
In the Jingwen Melting into the Law, Teacher said, "... So, in the matter of learning the law, you should have a sober understanding. Doing more reading and studying the Books is the key to real improvement. To make it clear, if you read the Great Law, you are actually changing. If you read the Great Law, you are actually going up. Boundless connotations of the Great Law plus a supplementary means, practice of the exercises, will certainly enable you to reach the consummation. It is just the same to do the reading together and do the self-reading."
In Lecture at the Conference in Europe, Teacher said, "...please be certain to put your mind into studying Fa. Read the Book and study Fa. Read the Book and study Fa. Almost every time in my lectures on Fa, I painstakingly told you to read the Book, read the Book, and read the Book. As long as you read the Book, you will attain better things beyond your imagination. ... You have to put your mind into Fa to practice cultivation. Please remember: It is Fa that enables you to succeed in cultivation; it is Fa that has opened your Tianmu. You have to practice cultivation in Fa to successfully complete cultivation. Being attached to anything outside Fa will make your cultivation fail half way through."
I started to memorize Zhuan Falun in September. I combine reading, memorizing, and copying the book. I go to school to learn English every morning. It takes about an hour to ride the bus from my home to the school. Everyday I use the time riding the bus to study the Fa or memorize the book. I try to read the book in the afternoon and evening. I practice the exercise at night. It is rather difficult for me to memorize the book. Mainly because I am old and have poor memory. But I want to overcome it no matter how big the difficulty is. I cannot memorize much in one go. So I try to memorize by small paragraphs. Sometimes I forgot the beginning part after I memorized some later part. I would then go back to redo it. I am determined to memorize it bit by bit. I believe I will be able to memorize the whole book one day.
Another issue of my Fa study is that I got sleepy whenever I studied for a long time. I would feel so sleepy that I could hardly open my eyes. I thought, "Isn't this a clear interference that would not to let me study the Fa?" Every time when this happen I would knock my forehead using the knuckle of my middle finger with my fist closed. Such a hit is painful. But it always wakes me up. One hit can last me for about another 10 minutes. I hit again when I got sleepy again. This is really useful for me. One day while I was not studying the Fa, I thought to myself, "How come my forehead was not red or swollen even I hit myself so hard and so painful?" I wanted to give a try. I hit my forehead the same way. The hit was fine. But I got swollen on my forehead within 5 minutes. And it turned blue. In 10 minutes it became black. It was after 3 days when the swollen finally disappeared. I came to understand that it was ok to use this method when study the Fa. I will not get swollen or black if used to study the Fa. I shall not casually do so at other time.
After we came back from Guangzhou, I heard that there is group practice every Saturday and Sunday at the 36th St. in the Golden Gate Park. I decided to go there. My wife opposed my going out to practice, regardless how I explained. Let her be. I still went. The first time after I came back from the group exercise, she strongly scolded me as soon as I entered the house. I knew she was helping me to upgrade my Xinxing. I regarded myself as a practitioner. I wasn't angry at all. I explained to her with smile. This was the first conflict that I encountered after I attained the Fa. I had more such Xinxing conflict in later days. A quite typical one was after Chinese government banned Falun Gong last July. In order to protect the Fa and help the practitioners in China to get a fair treatment, many practitioners in the US came out to protect the Fa using different ways. The practitioners in the Bay Area wanted to go the Chinese Consulate to assert our opinion to them. I wanted to go as well. But my entire family opposed my going there. My wife kicked up a row and said, "You cannot go no matter what. You've seen the situation in the mainland. If you go to the Consulate, they will videotape you. You won't be able to go back to China. You will be put onto their blacklist. Our children in the mainland will suffer because of your action." etc. My daughter cried and didn't want me to go. My son in China also called to stop me. This was a serious test for me. My passport may be confiscated if I go. My retirement pension in China may be stopped. I may not be able to go back to China. Or I may be arrested if I go back. I don't care. Hearing my daughter's crying of begging me not to go, I went to the Consulate with tears in my eyes. I went there twice again later. I also attended the candlelight vigil.
Now, besides my wife's helping me to upgrade my Xinxing, I don't have many other tribulations. How do I get rid of my attachments? How do I improve my Xinxing? I followed what Teacher told us and always search inward in front of conflict. I check myself whenever I see, hear, or encounter something. I try to find the bad stuff of mine and get rid of them. Let me give some examples. Once I saw two people fighting. I immediately realized that I am a practitioner and that I should preserve De. I shouldn't take action casually. They were closing their account. There was another instance when I was on a bus. An old lady got onto the bus with an expired ticket. The bus driver asked her to buy a ticket. As I saw that, I asked whether I would do the same thing? Did I have any greediness deep inside my heart? Isn't this greediness? I must get rid of it. Also, there was once I saw a young couple very affectionate with each other. I searched inside and asked, "Isn't this sentimentality? Do I admire such sentiment? As a practitioner, should I get rid of it? Yes, get rid of it. I must get rid of it." There are lots of advertising boards on the street. Some have naked figures, while others have half-naked figures. I would search inward when I saw them. "Why was your mind moved when you saw them? Isn't this sexual desire? Isn't this lust? Aren't these the attachments that I need to get rid of? Refuse it! Get rid of it!" I also use the things that happened on other people to check myself. I heard a relative of another practitioner's died. I thought, "If this happened to me, and this was my relative, how would I do? Can I give up this sentiment? Isn't it true that everyone has his own life? One must pay off his own karma. How can one control other people's lives? Give up this sentiment. I must give up this sentiment!" I am always this way. I check myself and search inward to upgrade my Xinxing.
As a matter of fact, because the moral standard has corrupted to this extend, we encounter the manifestations of fame, interest, and sentiment around us all the time. As long as we pay attention, and don't take them as accidental whenever we see, hear, or encounter them, and use them to check ourselves and search inward, resist or get rid of the attachment that echo them, isn't this upgrading our Xinxing and cultivate?
The fifth exercise requires full lotus position. I had been worried about not being able to sit in full lotus position. I could only sit with the half lotus position while my left leg pointing very high. I finally was able to sit in full lotus position on Nov. 19 last year. This was an unforgettable day! When I exercised that night, I kept stretching my legs and I was able to pull the right leg up. But it was very painful. I let loose my legs and stretched more. I decided to keep on after I pulled my legs up the second time. I turned on the music and started the meditation. The pain increased after a few minutes. I kept on. 10 minutes, 20 minutes had passed. I felt cold sweat flowing down my armpits. My legs and hands were all shaking after 30 minutes. I thought about that Teacher had born so much karma for us. How could I not bear that little bit? Teacher has suffered so much for us! How can my fearing suffering be worthy to Teacher? I cried. I couldn't take my legs down. I must not take my legs down. Teacher is next to me. He is watching me! How can I take my legs down for fearing the pain and suffer in front of Teacher? It is bearable even though it feels otherwise, and it is passable even though it feels otherwise. I finished the entire hour with tears. After I did Heshi, it took me quite some effort to take my legs apart. And it took me more than 20 minutes to be able to standup. I was able to pass the one-hour the first time I sit in full lotus position, and I should be able to do it later. From then on, I always sat for an hour in full lotus position.
I came to understand the principle through Fa study, which is that the principle in the ordinary society is reversed in the higher level. The ordinary people want to live a good and comfortable life. They take suffering, tribulations as bad things. But the great enlightened being don't view it this way. He wants up to suffer more and pay off our karma quicker so that we can return. As a practitioner, I want to demand myself according Teacher's words. I want to do as Teacher told me to. I want to be able to suffer the misery of misery. I want to be a good disciple of Teacher. I have only been cultivated for a short period of time. I don't have much experience. I have only written down what I thought and how I did. I hope to get your help and please correct me.
Thank you.
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Category: Improving Oneself
