1. Fa Study is essential
The Teacher advised us to read Fa more during many Fa conferences. He even wrote a short article to us entitled " Melting into the Fa". Fellow practitioners often talk about how critical it is to study Fa in order to improve oneself. However, the teacher's advice and fellow practitioners' experience had not registered in my mind. I did study Fa everyday but as routine homework without realizing the importance of Fa study.
Because I had not studied Fa diligently and had not improved my understanding of Fa for some period of time, I had been lingering at the same level of cultivation for a long time. Similar kind of xinxing tests happened over and over again, I either passed or failed tests in the same fashion. Attachments became weak sometimes and strong at other times. I often felt manipulated by them. Teacher said:" Ren includes giving up. Being able to give up is sublimation of one's cultivation." I was able to forbear in conflicts and guard my xinxing, however, I mistook "giving up" as " abstaining from", and fought bitterly against demonic nature. My attachments did not go away, and my cultivation did not improve.
The dilemma I had in cultivation also found its reflection in practice. I tried very hard to repel various ideas while meditating; I was hardly able to manage it. Such a situation lasted for quite a long time. It was not easy, but my heart ached more: why was I not able to improve myself for such a long time?
Teacher told us that we must cultivate ourselves in the complicated ordinary society in our school, because the Fa is so immense. My environment at the time was not so complex, yet I had great difficulty dealing with it, without improving myself much. If the environment were to get more complicated, what would I do? What was my problem?
The cultivation environment has been becoming so complex and unwieldy as a result of what has been happening in China, since April 25, 1999. My cultivation environment expanded instantly to China with the help of the Internet. What happened and what fellow practitioners were going through over there worried me dearly. Because I had not cultivated myself solidly in the past, I was shocked and thrown off balance when I heard the overwhelming tribulations that our fellow practitioners, over 100 million in numbers, were faced with. I got emotional with sadness and bitterness, I could not settle down to study Fa and to do the practice, spending all day on the Internet. I even became radical. How could it be a practitioner's behavior? Would I still be a practitioner if this kept up?
One day I noticed that my lawn was withering. It was high time to water it. At the same time, a few practitioners inquired: " when will the intensive group Fa study begin?" Suddenly I realized that what I was missing for some time was to study the Fa with a quiet mind! After a few intensive group Fa studies, I benefited a lot and was surprised how my xinxing was improved. What had in the past been tribulations were not tribulations any more. I was able to guard my xinxing more easily and felt relieved and happy afterwards. Many attachments got weaker and weaker and could not manipulate me anymore. I could feel the difference between "abstaining from" in the past and "giving up" now. "Abstaining from" without a deep understanding of Fa was hard; "Giving up" with a good grasp of Fa was easy and natural. I also began to understand that what had occurred in China became our new cultivation environment. I realized how far behind my cultivation was, compared to so many practitioners in China. I came to conclusion that in order to cultivate oneself out of a complicated environment, one must study Fa more and more!
I started a new job recently. When I went to the lab on my own for the first time, there was an engineer yelling at me in anger. I was puzzled, not knowing what was going on. Later I found out that some of our wafer boxes were stacked near his equipment. He asked for my manager's phone number rudely and piled up the boxes around me. I was surrounded in a short while and could not move. I felt like I was a newcomer and had not touched the boxes, so why was he so angry with me? Might he have mistaken me for someone else? I wanted to explain myself to him, but he was too busy with shouting and yelling and I did not have a chance to say a single word to him. I gave up. I looked at him with a smile, as if he was an actor. I then felt sorry for him being so temperamental for such a trivial thing. He must have been hurt deeply without being able to let go of tiny losses. Later I realized that I lost the chance to cultivate myself in two aspects: First, as a practitioner, one should rectify the environment. I should have apologized to him and helped him move the boxes to where they belonged. Secondly, although I can take material loss lightly, I am very stubborn and get temperamental when defending my ideas, and he was reflecting my demonic nature! It was not coincidental that a few days ago I saw two colleagues debating against each other emotionally over a technical issue to defend their own ideas. It was pointing out to me that I need to give up my own egoism.
Teacher advised us to soberly cultivate ourselves in the midst of this complicated environment. Recent change in cultivation environment is a key to self-improvement. The cultivation environment changed for me a few times a day. It was in China, either through the Internet or in my dreams; It was in the society, promoting Fa; It was at my work place; It was at home; Lastly, even if you locked yourself up in a room all by yourself, you would be surrounded by ideas and thought karma. I was able to improve myself steadily as a result of taking full advantage of various cultivation environments.
M wife, a fellow practitioner, has helped me a lot at home. She studies Fa more diligently than I. I feel guilty if I don't keep up with her. We carpool to work everyday, she drops me off at work in the morning and picks me up in the evening. I have a heavy workload. I regularly get off work late- 7pm, 8pm or on occasion even 9pm. She can go home at 6pm, however, she always waits for me patiently. She keeps me humble in this respect. One cold morning after practice, we went home. The ceramic floor was icy cold and our slippers were far away from the door. I rushed to my slippers without bringing her slippers to her. She asked: "where are my slippers?" I immediately realized how selfish I was.
Studying Fa more has helped my exercise practice, as well. My mind can become quiet in sitting meditation first, and then I can enter the state of tranquility frequently, although for a short period of time. Later on, my mind can become quieter for standing exercises more easily, and occasionally I can feel the state of tranquility. There were undesirable ideas coming up, but they were more like falling leaves, which would land on the ground and disappear. I tried to become quiet even when I was not practicing and it was much easier than before.
One morning after practice, I suddenly heard birds chirping loudly, and it did not disturb my practice at all. I didn't even hear it during my practice. Why did it bother me when my colleagues were talking about stocks? There is an old saying: Birds live for food, men live for wealth. The birds might be talking about where they could find food and how they could get it. It is such a close resemblance between men and birds: they are all after that little bit of material gain, competing with each other. The next time I heard people talking about stocks, I was reminded of noisy birds. My mind got a lot quieter.
2. Promoting Fa requires cultivating the heart more
The tribulations that our fellow practitioners in China are encountering are the magnificent manifestation of the great law. In order to be qualified to cultivate in this great law, the practitioners have to overcome the enormous tribulations. It is because the Xinxing of the fellow practitioners in China has reached a high level and their tests are so big that they can accumulate their mighty virtue, increase their levels and harmonize the Dafa. In the mean time, the practitioners also promote the Dafa to the whole world. The whole world has heard of Falun Dafa now. As a practitioner out of China, I think we need do the follow-up work and introduce Dafa to pre-destined people.
Quite a few fellow practitioners had started earlier to introduce Dafa to the pre-destined people through workshops. The workshops are done in libraries, bookstores and community centers, etc. I think the workshops are a good way to promote Dafa. There are no specifications for the people who attend the workshops, and no conditions. Anyone can come and go of his own will. In fact, all kinds of people attend the workshops, including scientists, engineers, retired people, and homeless people, among others. Everybody has an equal opportunity in front of the law of the universe. The Dafa offers salvation to the pre-destined people. The workshops can be one way to introduce Dafa to the public in this special period. The fellow practitioners have prepared a set of slides for the workshops. I read through them and thought I could do it too. I held a workshop in a nearby library. There were more than twenty people who came to the workshop, and five or six people attended the following 9-session seminar, but strangely enough, nobody went through the 9-session seminar. Two westerners never showed up after they attended one group practice. What is wrong after all?
It was my own problem. I didn't pay enough attention to the workshop. I treated such a sacred thing as an ordinary lecture, and I didn't prepare in advance. I thought I could spontaneously do it well. As a result, when I did the presentation, my mind was blank, and I had to read word for word on the slides. The presentation was not from my heart, how could it be compelling? Could it touch people's hearts? I feel it was because my introduction was not appropriate that the two westerns didn't come any more after the group practice. It was because my anger with the persecution of Falun Gong in China that some people pretended to come to learn Falun Gong in order to get their green cards. Isn't my attitude to Dafa a fundamental problem? Am I not an ordinary person when I have the temperament of an ordinary person? The people we are facing are pre-destined people. Shouldn't we always treat them with benevolence and a pure heart? Can we impede them from attaining Dafa because of our resentment? We may make pre-destined people lose their opportunity if we don't untie our hearts. I untied my heart through studying Dafa. This is the cultivation environment for the fellow practitioners in China. The immense benevolence and forbearance shown by our fellow practitioners is a mirror for myself. Aren't they on the path to producing high level Gong through the tribulations they endure? I feel the volume of my heart is enlarging.
With a purer heart to promote Dafa, I was able to introduce Dafa to the audience more naturally and more sincerely in the following workshops. The audience became more active too. Once, a person said to me, "You are a good teacher." At first I thought it was a compliment. Later on I broke out in a cold sweat. "Am I interpreting Dafa? Isn't this the disruption of Dafa? The teacher told us that the best way to promote Dafa was group practice, experience sharing conference, mouth-to-mouth, heart-to-heart, and through the availability of books in the bookstores. Can I continue doing this?" I calmed down and read the book; three thoughts came to my mind:
* First, during the workshop, I was the only person who talked. I did not pay attention to the audience's background and their feelings. I talked, as I liked. Could the audience accept it?
* Second, the formality of the workshop itself doesn't present a problem. It is one way to promote Dafa by the word of mouth, though it is not one-on-one. It is more like experience sharing. I was not considerate of others.
* Third, I did not tell the audience clearly right at the beginning that I would talk about my own experience, my own understanding. They should cultivate and practice by themselves in order to understand the principles. I am not, and cannot talk about the principles.
Teacher told us to consider others first, so as to attain the righteous enlightenment of selflessness and altruism. The only purpose of promoting Dafa is for the sake of others. Therefore, when we promote Dafa, it should be a true mutual exchange, which comes from our benevolence and kindness from the bottom of our hearts. It should not be a monologue regardless of the audience. Thereafter, in the following workshops, I asked the audience to introduce themselves first so that I understood what they expected from the workshops. Then I would talk more about what they were interested during the presentation. The workshops became the place for sharing and exchanging experience and thoughts.
However, there were always some omissions.
* Omission One; I asked the audience to introduce themselves, but I forgot to introduce myself. With the reminder from the audience, I introduced myself, but I still forgot to ask the fellow practitioners who helped with the workshop to introduce themselves. They were also participants at the workshop. They also had things to say to the audience. For later workshops, everybody at the workshop introduced himself/herself. It made a more cordial and friendly atmosphere. The people were freer to express their own thoughts and share with others.
* Omission Two; we were able to consider the audience at the workshop, but we didn't consider the staff in the libraries. When we came to a library, we seemed to become the administrators of the library. We distributed the flyers and placed the sign without consulting the staff in the library. Although the staff tolerated us, they were not happy about it. We didn't realize our own problem. We thought it was a test because it was difficult to promote Dafa. Later when we came to another library, the staff told us to our face that it was not appropriate to distribute flyers and place the signs wherever we wanted. I then realized that we didn't consider the staff. We used Dafa work as an excuse, and didn't look inside ourselves. Therefore, we couldn't find such an obvious problem. During the later workshops, we consulted the staff first how to post the notice, how to distribute the flyers and where to put the sign. We felt that "The Buddha's light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities".
* Omission Three; every time when we came to a new place for the workshop, the staff in the library told me that the person who made the reservation should come. I made an apology and refilled a form, but I didn't pay attention to it. I thought it was a test. It would be fine if I passed it. Afterwards I realized that the staff might feel uncomfortable about it. The names didn't match. They didn't know who I was, and might have the need to verify my identity. Did we consider them? The teacher said, "brings forth lofty ideals while minding minor details". When one person always considers others, he must be bringing forth lofty ideals while minding minor details. This is achieved by true cultivation.
Promoting Dafa requires me to cultivate, and pushes me to cultivate. Only by cultivating myself and improving myself continuously, can I promote Dafa better.
The above are some of my experiences. Please inform me if you find anything inappropriate.
Thank you.
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Category: Improving Oneself
