(Clearwisdom.net) Teacher’s new article, "Pass the Deadly Test" deeply touched me when I studied it. Although I am not the kind of person Teacher mentioned in the article, Teacher’s Fa is taught to all Falun Dafa practitioners and as a practitioner, there is certainly something in it for me to enlighten to and cultivate.
As I memorized more and more of this article, I felt my heart convulse and at the same time, I also faintly felt something deep in my heart being moved. I began to examine myself: on my cultivation path, do I have things that I have not done well, things that I do not want fellow practitioners to know or mention. After thinking about it, there is more than one thing I did not do well. Mistakes I made or losses I caused in validating the Fa are things I am not willing to talk about. These things were touched on in the article, and they are the notions that I must change.
Teacher told us to quickly abandon bad habits, including not allowing others to point out our mistakes. For me, not only do I not want others' criticism, I do not even want to talk about it myself. This does not mean I am not cultivating myself; I have already corrected some of the problems, but I do not like to tell others or have others talk about me. This willingness and unwillingness are not notions and habits formed in the human world; basically they still carry the bad elements of the old cosmos. Ultimately it is the manifestation of selfishness; it is also the manifestation of a life unable to understand the Fa and assimilate to the Fa. The most superficial display is a human notion.
For more than half a year, I have been memorizing the Fa, so I can see my problems more clearly. I am willing to listen to praise, willing to talk about the good deeds I have done, but I'm unwilling to hear unpleasant words and talk about my shortcomings. It is the same as not wanting others to point out my wrongdoings. Why don’t I want people to point out my mistakes? There are many hidden attachments: fundamentally, I still want to gain what humans pursue. I don’t want to separate myself from humanness, and I am still fettered by the principles and notions of the old cosmos. Coming to the final period of Fa-rectification, no matter what, I must abandon these old notions; if I can’t cast them out fundamentally, I won’t be able to separate from humanness.
"If you do not change the human logic that you, as an ordinary human, have formed deep in your bones over thousands of years, you will be unable to break away from this superficial human shell and reach Consummation." ("Cautionary Advice" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Therefore, today I start with a topic that I never wanted to mention. For instance, on the issue of qing, I could not extricate myself for a period of time, although several years have passed, and I have now come through it. The reason I am mentioning it is not to focus on the matter itself, but to change my notion, to be able to look at myself correctly, and expose the bad elements that do not belong to me. Although I have told fellow practitioners about it, when I recall it now, there is still some covering up.
I should not have problems in this regard, because I considered myself always right and the mistake man-made. I always thought I had taken this issue lightly even before I practiced Falun Gong. I was a very traditional person in everyday society, and had a good reputation for having high morality; therefore I thought I had a better foundation than others. I did not feel I had any difficult tests, so I took lust very lightly. I never paid much attention to this aspect of my cultivation. Fellow practitioners encountered this problem, but I never checked myself and tried to help others to solve their problem. This led to my being unaware of my own problems accumulating. In addition, many people admired my pureness on my path of cultivation. I became pleased with myself, and slacked off. I even felt I had been born with a good foundation in this area. As a matter of fact, I felt I was good, because I was using the standard of everyday people; I did not make any effort to cultivate myself, and I was unable to achieve the standard of the Fa.
How could I have no qing, and be untainted lifetime after lifetime? Thinking back, it was a very naive and ridiculous thought. Cultivation is serious. If I do not pay attention to certain aspects, I will fail to pass the test. For several years, I did not seriously look inwards on the issue of qing and correct myself. Eventually my omission was exploited by the evil.
For a long time, to avoid persecution I became destitute and homeless. I could not be with my family, and I transferred the sentiment I had for my family to fellow practitioners. In a period of time, I met a male practitioner. We got along very well and cooperated in our work well. We also improved together very quickly but I was unaware of my growing feelings for him. Later I became aware of it, but paid no attention to it. I felt we were merely happy to work together, and the feeling was like the relationship between brother and sister. I did not have other thoughts at that time. I ignored the situation for a long time but the evil eyed it covetously; it was strengthening that thing. If you do not remove the attachment, it is the same as wanting it, so the evil keeps reinforcing it for you.
Suddenly one day, this practitioner encountered interference, and felt we had a relationship in a previous life. He told me about his incorrect thoughts. I was so anxious that I burst into tears and I told him, "Don’t let your thoughts wander like this. You must pull yourself together, otherwise I will have to leave here." We rationally corrected everything. I thought that was the end of it.
Because I did not consider from the Fa why I had that thought, I actually felt I was rational. This is cultivation; if there is a loophole and you do not rectify yourself, the evil will exploit the omission. Because we frequently worked together to validate the Fa, sometimes when I was with him, I felt I was being controlled by some unknown thing. Sometimes I would indulge in fantasies. Afterwards I realized I was wrong and always awakened to the truth by studying the Fa, but I did not want to change the condition fundamentally, and was often interfered with.
After a period of time, it was brought to my attention and I looked inwards to see why I was being interfered with. Only then did I realize that I was not making any real effort to correct the situation. I was not used to the unprincipled and degenerate lifestyle of human society, but I also live here and after seeing and hearing too much, I was also subtly influenced and contaminated. I am repulsed by abnormal sexual relationships, but I pursued spiritual relationships. I also had especially "close" intimate friends in the human world, and liked romantic stories. This is not a big deal in everyday society, and ordinary people talk about it openly; however as a practitioner, how can I hold onto such human things. If you don’t let go of it, the evil won’t let you stay even at the human level. It will use the emotion, throw more corrupt elements your way and you will slide down.
When I gradually realized this through studying and memorizing the Fa, I came through it. After I became clear, it was like waking up from a dream. I felt my previous condition had simply been inconceivable. What’s worse, when fellow practitioners pointed it out to me, I felt wounded and said, "I am a genuine cultivator. The matter has already passed. When I was stuck, why did you not say anything?" I was simply unwilling to listen to others. When I did talk about it with some practitioners, it was either just superficially, or I explained how I had overcome the situation with rationality. Today I am disclosing these incorrect things, because I should be clearer, and truly understand who I am. I can no longer regard those things as a part of me, no longer cover it up. Not daring to talk about it is the same as not seeing it clearly and being unwilling to give it up. If I hide it, I won’t be able to clear it away. It is most important to change the notion of humans protecting what is human. Cultivators are suppose to change human notions, so we must fundamentally rid ourselves of the notions and the thinking habits formed in the human world.
Through studying Teacher’s article, "Pass the Deadly Test," I now see human notions even more clearly, so I have opened up that place that I am mostly unwilling to mention.
"Cultivation is cultivation, and cultivation is about getting rid of one’s attachments, putting a stop to bad human behavior and all kinds of fears, including the human attachments of being afraid of this and being afraid of that." ("Pass the Deadly Test")
Being afraid of criticism, not letting others criticize me, wanting to hear only pleasant words and being unwilling to talk about one’s own problem; these human notions and thinking patterns must all be done away with. I can’t listen to them any more, I must decide for myself, I must act opposite to these low-level human principles and I must allow others to comment, regard their evaluation as the most precious pleasant words and listen to it proactively. I must turn around my reluctance, clearly rectify my heart, diligently cultivate myself, look for my shortcomings in every situation or environment, and recognize my own problems, so I can cultivate.
When I had written thus far, I found my mind was very tranquil when I sent forth righteous thoughts. I felt I had eliminated many incorrect things. My righteous field was very strong, and restrained all things. It was not easy even to stop, so I just tranquilly sent forth the righteous thoughts, with no other thoughts.
For several years, I have wasted so much time looking externally. I talked about situations while in the middle of them and tried to get rid of qing while in the middle of qing. Dafa cultivation directly targets peoples’ hearts, and directly cultivates aiming at one’s heart. On any matter or issue, if we do not take aim at our attachments, if we do not look at our own problems, if we do not painfully turn around this incorrect heart, not change our hearts, then we are humans doing things, and we’ll lose this opportunity. We can’t afford to lose these chances one after another. Moreover, if we do not rectify ourselves on an issue, then we certainly enhance our attachment. If we are not in the Fa, then we’ll be with the evil. If it is not righteous, then it must be evil.
On the way of return, the chances grow fewer and the requirements higher and higher. In this process, it is either a process of consummating a life, or a process of elimination through selection, because cultivation is serious.
This is my personal enlightenment to share with fellow practitioners. Please point any mistakes.
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