(Clearwisdom.net) For the past four years, the issue of looking inward has confounded me. Although Master has mentioned many times in his lectures about looking inward, and fellow practitioners have also shared many of their experiences on this subject, I didn't quite understand what this truly meant until today. I finally understood that when we look inward, our only criterion must be the Fa.
A few years ago, quite a few practitioners pointed out to me that I was using the examples of other practitioners and modeling myself after them, instead of using the Fa as my guide. But at that time, I didn't agree. I felt that I was not copying others or using them as role models. It was only that I had the same understanding as the other person on certain matters. I felt the manifestation of this was more prominent, and thus this was giving my fellow practitioners the wrong impression. Subsequently, I moved to a new area and wanted to have a fresh start. Thus, in everything I did, I would think of whether I had any shortcomings. However, because my Fa-study was not that solid, whenever I looked inward, I would inevitably deviate from the Fa. As a result I suffered persecution from the CCP when they took advantage of my loopholes. At that point in time, my attitude was that whenever I met with conflicts or saw tension, my first thought was that I am absolutely wrong and that my fellow practitioners are right. Then under such an incorrect understanding, I would start to look inward and search within myself. Inevitably I used the behavior of my fellow practitioners, whether it was right or wrong, as my point of reference, instead of looking to the Fa. After being persecuted, I still searched within myself like this for a long period of time. Although I found a lot of attachments and very quickly rectified myself, I did not understand why I was still being persecuted. It was only several months later that one day I started to realize that, although I was not deliberately or purposefully copying the thinking of my fellow practitioners, my way of searching inward was causing me to inadvertently imitate them. No wonder fellow practitioners were telling me that I learned from fellow practitioners and not from the Fa.
However, my understanding was still not clear. After returning home, I thought about this issue for a long time. I finally came to the conclusion that one cannot excessively look inward. I also wrote a few articles based on this topic and submitted them to the Minghui website, but I didn't see anything published. At first, I couldn't understand why. Many practitioners were also telling me that I did not look inward. I felt wronged! I felt that in the past, because I had continuously looking inward, I had gone too far, and thus I got into trouble. So how could they say that I wasn't looking inward? I became upset and chose to escape from this issue. After experiencing some tribulations and after a very long time, I still did not fully understand this issue.
There were also a lot articles published on the Minghui website on the topic of looking inward. Thus I did a search and read them. I found that many practitioners mentioned that looking inward is a powerful tool in cultivation. Through studying the Fa and reading the articles written by fellow practitioners, I gained a new understanding on the issue. I finally realized that "looking inward" is not an empty saying. It really is a powerful tool in cultivation. In all matters we must look inward, and to do so unconditionally is not wrong. However, it must be done the right way!
For a long time, I had a feeling of resistance towards looking inward. I have studied the Fa regarding this, but I did not follow it. My natural disposition is haughty, and I have always felt resentment towards some practitioners who kept mentioning looking inward to me. I dislike it when people keep pointing their fingers at others. Actually, when I "dislike" some people's behavior, then am I not also pointing my finger at them? Isn't the behavior of others a reflection of my own? I know that I have a very strong attachment of competition, but on many occasions I did not try to control it and even let the situation get out of hand. When there are problems, I always stress that others are wrong, and even if I clearly see my own shortcoming, I won't talk about it. Furthermore, I didn't have any intention of getting rid of this attachment. At my workplace, I was not compassionate or tolerant of my colleagues, and this has damaged the image of Falun Gong practitioners. I was also not compassionate or tolerant of my fellow practitioners. I even felt that I was just being honest and frank. These behaviors are all manifestations of my not looking inward. Actually, there is nothing wrong with looking inward per se; the problem is that I did not study the Fa solidly and I did not follow the requirements of the Fa. Furthermore, there is a guideline for looking inward, and that guideline must be the Fa!
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