(Minghui.org) I never liked asking for assistance. I would not trouble others for help if I could handle things myself. I thought I was being “selfless” and independent. I would not ask for help when I encountered things that I was unable to accomplish. At times, I would not ask for help even if I had to complete the task with poor results. This notion brought a lot of trouble to my cultivation. I sometimes felt miserable and upset; I thought my idea was right, but yet always felt something was not right.
One time, while I was sitting in full lotus, I suddenly noticed the mindset of wanting to do everything myself and not wanting to trouble others, and I saw it needed to be eliminated. The root was I did not want to bother others because I was afraid of having to return the favor. The attachment of fear of being burdened with others' needs had been “hidden” in me for years. It had often got me in awkward situations and evoked strong feelings, but I had never been able to recognize it.
Hasn't Master often talked about the “course of things”? I finally understood: to follow “nature's course,” and not to “go with the flow.” During a recent visit to my neighbor's house, my neighbor gave me a piece of pastry as I was leaving. To be honest, I did not want it. I would end up throwing it away even if I took it. However, I did not refuse her pastry. Even though I would not feel embarrassed if my gifts were refused, my neighbor is an ordinary person. I had to consider her feelings. In addition, not wanting to accept her pastry means that I do not want to return her the favor in the future. Sometimes I see dealing with ordinary people as very tiresome. I would rather not take a small gift like a piece of pastry and not owe anyone a favor. Is this a selfless person's way of thinking? Isn't it also sentimentality? In truth, I was using “selflessness” to hide my selfish heart.
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Category: Improving Oneself
