(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for 15 years yet I didn't realize that a hidden attachment existed deep in my heart. A practitioner's father passed away in August 2012. She complained about her sister's selfishness. On the way home I reviewed what she had said and judged the four sisters. Suddenly I discovered my attachment – the heart for wanting to be treated nicely and for wanting rewards.
Master said in “Abiding in the Dao” from Hong Yin:
“Doing, but without pursuit—So constant, abiding in the Dao.”
After I arrived home, I looked inward for any pursuit I still had – pursuit for fame, self-interests, rewards, and being treated nicely. I realized that those attachments resulted from qing (emotion). They had been with me all this time, but I hadn't recognized them or cultivated them away. Whenever I failed a xinxing test, I attributed it to my attachment to qing. Practitioners also said that I had that attachment. I hadn't thought about it deeply enough.
I thought I had cultivated away my attachments for fame and self-interest. I was not attached to how much of a bonus I would get, whether I would get a pay raise, or whether I would win the most votes be awarded “best employee.” I followed the course of nature. After I retired, I was even less attached to those things, but I still had a hard time letting go of qing. After my recent reflection, I recognized that my attachments to rewards and being treated nice were deeply hidden.
When someone didn't treat me nicely or I was not rewarded for my sacrifice, I reacted with anger. I had a xinxing conflict with my nephew in 2011. Superficially I was attached to qing, especially to my sister, and actually it was pursuit for fame and rewards. When the bad substance in the other dimensions reinforced my attachment to qing, I did not handle the issues rationally or from the perspective of the Fa. I acted like an ordinary person.
I started to practice Falun Dafa in April of 1998 and my sister and her son also started to practice. We went to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Dafa in December of 2000. My sister and I were illegally arrested and sent back to the local police station. They refused to take me because I suffered from heart disease and had a foot injury, but they extorted 2000 yuan from my family.
My sister was sentenced to three years of forced labor. The labor camp refused to accept her due to her poor health. She was sentenced to forced labor five times and detained in a forced labor camp four times for a total of 2008 days. My nephew was held in the forced labor camp for one year and in prison for four years. He spent 1825 days there. They were released in 2011.
My nephew wanted to follow a practitioner whose third eye was open and travel with him to other places due to his unclear understanding of the Fa principles. Practitioners shared with him and pointed out that his behavior was not based on the Fa because he was not able to pay his expenses if he went on a trip, and that he could validate the Fa and save sentient beings at home all the same. But he didn't listen.
The day before he left, I went to see him and discouraged him, but I talked to him with a human mentality. I said, “You were in prison for four years. I took a taxi to see you many times. I gave you money and brought you food. On the day you were released, I hired two taxis and spent 900 yuan to prevent the 610 Office agents from taking you away. All together I spent at least 3000 yuan. You cannot go before you pay me back.” He said, “I didn't ask you to visit me.” He also said, “This is not your home. Mind your own business.” He actually hit me in the face. I was no longer able to bear it and forgot I was a practitioner. I was angry and felt hurt.
I was full of regret and sad after I returned home. I didn't want to do anything and switched off my cell phone. I didn't answer the door when anyone knocked, and I didn't make any truth-clarifying materials for three days.
Being hit like that was not a small issue for me. There must be something wrong with me. Did I cultivate myself? To rescue my sister and my nephew, I had gone to the police station, police department, detention center, procuratorate},} and the court to demand their release. I went to see them in the forced labor camps and prisons. I took risks to bring them Master's new articles and gave thanks for Master's protection and that I was safe.
Looking Within Reveals Attachments
I discovered the pursuit for fame, self-interest, and rewards. I expected people to treat me well. Second, I complained about him too much and looked down on him. Third, I didn't treat him as a fellow practitioner, but rather as my nephew. I viewed myself as superior. Fourth, when I talked to him, I reprimanded him every time and he couldn't accept it. Could it be a debt I owed to him in my previous life and that is why he didn't appreciate what I had done for him?
I asked myself, "Wasn't it a cultivation process for me when I tried to rescue them? Did I complain when I went to see other practitioners in the forced labor camps and prisons? I took those opportunities to validate the Fa, clarify the truth and save sentient beings, which cultivated away a lot of my fear and the attachment of seeking comfort."
During the process I cultivated my compassion and reinforced my righteous thoughts and belief in the Fa and Master, allowing me to elevate a lot. I had gained priceless things that our human eyes couldn't see and that was not in proportion to a thankful sentence or anything material. Then why did I feel hurt? Wasn't it a human attachment to pursue being treated nicely?
Master said in {{Zhuan Falun:
“Why shouldn’t you thank that person? You should sincerely thank him from the bottom of your heart—it is actually so.”
“You will be made to abandon all those attachments that cannot be given up among everyday people. As long as you have them, all of those attachments must be removed in different environments. You will be made to stumble, whereby you will become enlightened to the Tao. This is how one goes through cultivation practice.”
Thank you, Master! I woke up from this fall. I realized why my xinxing hadn't obviously improved these last few years. It was selfishness that was hidden deep down in my heart. The selfishness also generated and reinforced other attachments, such as a show-off mentality, competitiveness, complacency, and jealousy. I felt relieved as soon as I was enlightened to the Fa principles. I sent forth righteous thoughts to dissolve those attachments and asked for Master's help.
Fellow practitioners came to see me and encouraged me to study the Fa with them. They told me that they were reciting poems from Hong Yin III. I burned incense in front of Master's photo that night and knelt down, reciting poems from Hong Yin III. When I recited the fifth poem, I was so grateful to Master that I cried and my tears cleansed my regretful heart.
Master said in “Infatuated” from Hong Yin III:
“Life is short,You've merely stopped over at the inn.Don't forget your vow before descending here;If you hesitate along the path because offame, self-interest, emotion and revenge,When will you wake up and return to your home?”
I memorized 27 poems by midnight when it was time to send forth righteous thoughts. The next day I went out and found everything bathed in sunshine!
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Category: Improving Oneself
