(Minghui.org) I am a practitioner looking to become diligent in cultivation. Recently I found the fundamental issue that was hidden deep in my heart. It made me realize the seriousness of Falun Dafa cultivation.
I yearned for the good life when I was young, due to a misfortunate situation in my family. Because life seemed hard to me, I spent lots of time reading books and watching TV series to kill time and dispel restless feelings. I saw myself as the hero when I read books or watched movies or TV programs and couldn't calm down for a while after each episode.
These activities left strong thought karma in my mind. It took me several months to read Zhuan Falun for the first time when I started practicing Falun Dafa. Like someone else Master Li mentioned, when I watched Master's lecture video, I slept from beginning to end.
Since I have been practicing Dafa, I have not read regular books or watched movies or TV. But I occasionally still think about what I saw in the past. I just eliminate my bad thoughts when they pop up, but do not pay attention to the issue.
Recently, the thought karma seemed to become massive and interfered with my Fa study, sending forth righteous thoughts, and saving sentient beings. I sent forth righteous thoughts and reminded myself that the bad thoughts were thought karma, not myself. But the feeling that it was hard to eliminate and control worried me and compromised my confidence in cultivation.
I realized that I must face my own issues. Master said:
“Why don't you stop and think about it: Why is someone interfering with you? Why is it able to interfere with you? Is it because you have an attachment, or because you have something you can't let go of? Why don't you look at yourself? The true reason lies with you yourself, and that's the only reason it can exploit your gap!” ("Teaching and Explaining the Faat the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference" in Teaching the Fa at the Conference III)
First, I worked on my main consciousness to understand that I control this body and do not acknowledge the thought karma. I increased my Fa study and held myself to the standard of the Fa.
Second, I enhanced sending forth righteous thoughts and cleaned up my thoughts whenever I had time. This process was a test of whether I trusted Master without reservation. Whatever the thought karma and outer interference did in my mind, they would be eliminated as long as I just followed Master's teaching.
Third, I looked inward carefully and searched for the root of the problem. Due to my unfortunate childhood, deep down inside, I had a yearning for the good life. When my family life improved after practicing Dafa, I had a fundamental attachment in my subconscious that one would get blessings for practicing Dafa and be protected by Master. In addition, I treasured sentiment.
Although I knew I had this attachment, I did not completely change my notion. Because the fundamental attachment was not gone, other attachments took a long time to remove. So I could not completely follow Master's teaching to assimilate to Dafa without condition. Even when doing Dafa work, deep in my mind was the goal of attaining mighty virtue.
Master said:
“If you, as a cultivator, only part with things superficially while deep down inside you still stick to something or cling to your own vital interests that you don’t allow to be undermined, I’d say to you that your cultivation is fake!” (Lecture at the First Conference in North America)
The further I looked inward, the more surprised I was. I knew I must cultivate genuinely. Denying the old forces requires us to follow Master's teachings and rectify each thought with the Fa. I read an experience sharing article saying that we all too often pay attention to the superficial changes that our naked eyes can see, but neglect the cultivation of our xinxing. But the latter is the key for us to ascend in cultivation.
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Category: Improving Oneself
