(Minghui.org) Another practitioner and I experienced sickness karma at the end of 2011. My symptoms appeared to be serious: I fell down and lost consciousness for 12 minutes.
When I came to, I could see that my husband was frightened. He grabbed my hand and said that we should go to the hospital. My mind was clear, and I told him that I was okay. My husband helped me get into bed. I listened to Master’s lectures all night.
I looked inside for the reason and realized that I had not studied the Fa well, and I was full of emotion. The old forces were using my attachments as an excuse to persecute me. After I found my attachments, even though I was dizzy and vomiting in the morning, I recovered by the afternoon.
My Fear of Death
Unfortunately, the other practitioner did not pass the sickness karma test, and he died. I was disturbed after I heard about his passing, and my fear of death gained ground. I had thought that he had cultivated more diligently than I, and I was afraid that I was next. I was fixated on this idea and did not realize that I should reject it.
I kept thinking about death, and the more I thought about it, the more afraid I was. Master had warned us:
“Should you have fear,it will seize upon you”("What’s to Fear?” in Hong Yin Vol. II)
I tried hard to read the Fa, but I was too distracted by the fear to pay attention or absorb anything.
The old forces then seized upon that fear and inflated it. They made me think about being shocked to death if I got near a lamp or being poisoned when I saw pesticide bottles while doing farm work. They even made me think about being hung when I saw a rope or that I was putting on a death shroud when I got dressed.
The old forces forced thoughts about death into my mind all the time. They wanted to interfere with my efforts to validate Falun Dafa and to destroy me, which would also discredit the practice in the eyes of people who knew me.
I knew that my thoughts were not right, and I wanted to reject them. However, I was very disturbed by these thoughts and could not overcome the tribulations. I was in that situation that for more than six months. During that time, I felt helpless and suffered greatly.
Discarding the Fear Through Faith in Master
One day, I felt that I could not stand the suffering any longer. I knelt down in front of Master’s picture and, with tears in my eyes, said, “Master, you saved my life. Whether I live or die, I want to follow your arrangements!”
Before I started practicing Falun Dafa, I had suffered from multiple illnesses and was bedridden. After I started cultivating, all of them disappeared: our compassionate Master saved me.
As soon as I had the thought that I would follow Master’s arrangements, I felt greatly relieved. My thought was probably in accordance with:
"If you can let go of life and death, you're a God; if you can't let go of life and death, you're a human..." ("Fa Teaching Given in New York City" from Lectures in the United States)
I then realized that I had been trapped by the old forces and that my thoughts had followed ordinary people’s ways of thinking. Master said,
“If you, as a student [of Dafa], do not follow Master’s requirements, it is definitely no simple thing. The old forces have arranged for all Dafa disciples a set of their things, so if a Dafa disciple doesn’t follow Master’s requirements, he must be following the old forces’ arrangements. The old forces are in essence gigantic trials and tribulations that accompany you at all times, focused on whether in Fa-rectification Dafa disciples are able to step forward.” (“Be Clearheaded” in The Essentials of Diligent Progress VOL. III)
“If your thinking is the same as ordinary people's, then you will forever be an ordinary person and never be able to leave here.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference”)
This experience awakened me. I came to understand that cultivating in Dafa is serious, and I realized that I should be more proactive and determined in my cultivation.
After I found my fear of death--and many other attachments--I started reading the Fa more, and my righteous thoughts improved. I cultivated my every thought. When a bad thought arose, I was no longer afraid, and I countered it with an upright thought. A phrase often crossed my mind: “I only want to follow Master’s teaching, and I only want Dafa.” I kept making progress, step by step, day by day.
Reject the Old Forces' Interference and Do the Three Things Well
Before I could completely discard the fear of death, I had to confront illness karma again. One evening we made plans to travel to a village fair the next morning to tell the people there about Falun Gong and the persecution. The next morning I felt very dizzy and could not get up – I had the same symptoms of hypertension that I had before I started cultivating.
I knew that the old forces were interfering, so I put on my clothes, sat against the wall, and sent righteous thoughts to reject the interference. I also begged Master to strengthen me. I silently said that I wanted to follow Master’s teachings, that I wanted to go to the village fair to save lives, and that I would correct my mistakes.
I then got on my bicycle and began to pedal to the village. At first, I was not very steady because of dizziness, but I kept sending righteous thoughts. When I arrived at the fair, I was completely recovered.
This experience helped me to understand the reason why I came to this world, my mission, and my responsibilities. I came to understand that, in the human world, only Falun Dafa is completely righteous, and Master is saving us. I also realized that ordinary sensations, feelings, notions, and any other attachments that have become habitual must be discarded before we can truly become divine beings.
Please point out any shortcomings in my sharing.
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Category: Improving Oneself
