(Minghui.org) Respected Master! Dear fellow practitioners!
I am a Hungarian practitioner. I started Falun Dafa cultivation in 2008, but, according to my understanding, I only became a true practitioner in 2010.
I first encountered cultivation practice in 2008 when I was 18 years old. A typical young person, I thought emotions were very important and just lived for them. Just as Master wrote in Zhuan Falun Lecture 4:
“They live just for this sentimentality. Affection among family members, love between a man and a woman, love for parents, feelings, friendship, doing things for friendship, and everything else all relate to this sentimentality.”
The first time I read Zhuan Falun I understood that it is important to get rid of sentimentality, or I wouldn't be able to cultivate. Master says:
“If this sentimentality is not relinquished, you will be unable to practice cultivation.”
In the first six months of my practice I was very diligent and gained many understandings. I knew in my heart that Dafa was good, that Dafa created everything. I felt Master's fashen next to me, helping me on my way. But I could not pass the test of lust, and, according to my current understanding, it was because I could not get rid of my human emotions. I could not take them lightly and the old forces used this loophole and almost made me stop cultivating.
Even though it's very hard to talk about this, years ago I vowed to Master that once I was able to truly relinquish and take lightly my attachments to sentimentality and regard the relationship between a man and a woman as a Dafa disciple, then I would try to help other young Dafa disciples by sharing my personal experience.
“... everyone must pass this test. We begin cultivation practice as everyday people. The first step is this test, and everyone will run into it.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 6).
Practitioners cannot avoid this test, but I could not pass it. I could pass it pretty well in my dreams, but in this dimension, I could not. I was desperate for someone to love me and to love back. I was unable to absolutely put Dafa first.
For almost a year I lived with a non-practitioner boyfriend and was hardly practicing. I knew all along that what I was doing was wrong and I felt very bad about it.
But I still felt Master's infinite compassion. With the encouragement of fellow practitioners, I did not completely stop Fa study and doing the exercises. In time I started to study and do the exercises more. And then came the turning point.
Another practitioner gave me Master's newest lecture and asked me to read it. I remember it very clearly. When I got to these lines, I burst into tears:
“those who came here to be Dafa disciples: what was the vow that you made? did you honor that vow? what did the Lord Creator require of you? did you do as the Lord Creator required? If you did not honor your original vow or do as the Lord Creator required, then you would not have completed what you were supposed to do and would have in effect deceived the Lord. Since you would have thus brought losses to your local area's situation at that time, to the progress of Fa-rectification, and to the sentient beings that were thus not saved, and you would have thus brought damage or ruin to different levels of the cosmos, you would be held accountable.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference”)
I read those lines, and the whole lecture again and again. I knew I had to move forward and truly return to cultivation, to become a true Dafa disciple. It was hard, because I knew what was right, but I was filled with fear. I was afraid of being alone, I was afraid of staying alone my whole life, afraid of never being able to overcome the test of lust.
I shook off the chains of fear as much as I could and moved back to the flat we rented together with fellow practitioners. It really helped that they were nearby during this time. I also asked Master to help me if possible, because I felt unable to let go of my sentimentality. It was then I understood this sentence in Lunyu:
“In order to explore this domain, humankind must fundamentally change its conventional thinking.”
"To fundamentally change my way of thinking:" this was the first step. To change my thinking at its roots. Step by step, I made progress. I felt then, for the first time, that I became a true practitioner, that I realized my responsibility and my duty as a Dafa disciple.
From then on I started to do the three things, working to save sentient beings. Not long after that, the Divine Land Marching Band came to Hungary. This was our first big event. It was really a milestone for Hungarian practitioners and, according to my understanding, a milestone for sentient beings in Hungary also.
To this day it still touches my heart when I recall handing out flyers, with so many hands extending towards us, people's faces shining. I understood in my heart what Master meant when he said that everyone came for the Fa, and about saving all sentient beings.
Although even in this period my sentiments were still very strong, they could not lead me astray. I knew that however hard it might be, I would truly travel the path of Dafa cultivation, or, as it is stated in Zhuan Falun, Lecture 6: “a life of cultivation.”
Not long after that, a new person who was interested in Falun Dafa joined our group. He had gotten a flyer during the Marching Band's visit and quickly realized Dafa's magnificence. He became a diligent Dafa disciple in a few months.
We quickly became friends and tried to do more together to help Master in Fa rectification. Although we were both very young, we felt we could do more for Dafa if we were married. We decided and soon married. That was three years ago. Our decision to marry was based not on emotions, but on something more noble.
Over the past 3 years of our marriage we have tried to do our utmost to save sentient beings. We started by promoting a project to raise awareness of Dafa and the persecution with our family and friends first, people who have been an integral part of my life for many years. My understanding is that they have a strong predestined relationship with Dafa, but in the past, I felt that, although they listened to me and thought the persecution is wrong, I still could not reach their hearts. I thanked Master many times in my heart because now I could reach these people with this project.
Then the breakthrough came. When I look into myself, I see the difference – now, for the first time I do not worry whether I must save them; I must save them, but simply with a calm, clear heart. This time, they said that they would support the project without hesitation, declaring to the world that they support Falun Gong and want the persecution to stop.
I'm so grateful for Master's arrangements, and I'm making efforts to cultivate myself well, to save as many sentient beings as possible.
The above is only my current, limited understanding. Please point out with compassion if something is not correct.
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Category: Journeys of Cultivation
