(Minghui.org) I have practiced Falun Dafa for 17 years, and have met with numerous trials and tribulations on my journey.
Since my retirement at the end of 2010, I noticed that my tests became harder, my improvement was less noticeable and that my attachments began to surface one after another. In short, I was stagnating.
Caught in Web of Human Emotion
My daughter was going to have a baby and she asked me to help. This was back in April of 2012, and I have been staying with her since.
I have been with her for the last three years. And for a good part of those three years, I felt that I was ensnared by the web of emotional attachments, and could not make progress in my cultivation. Many attachments that I thought I had eliminated resurfaced during this time.
When a woman gives birth, it is a Chinese tradition to give her one month to recuperate. During this grace period, the woman is pampered and allowed to rest in order to ensure her future health while duties such as housekeeping and babysitting fall to her husband and family.
Right after my daughter gave birth, however, I found that I was left doing most of the work. My son-in-law did not help much, if at all. His excuse was that he didn't know how to do any of the housework and would just make a mess of things if he tried.
So I had to do everything – grocery shopping, preparing food, cleaning the house and washing the clothes. Every day, I was up and about from sunrise to sunset and clocked about twenty hours every day.
I was also expected to pay for all this myself, which was difficult because my daughter demanded five meals a day.
This situation was not great for me. My schedule was all messed up. I couldn't study the Fa with a tranquil mind, and doing the exercises was hit or miss. I also didn't send forth many righteous thoughts. I became very anxious.
On top of all this, my daughter was miserable after giving birth. She had developed a severe case of constipation, which made her upset. I had to be a caring nurse for both her pain and emotions.
Though she did later recover, the baby was yet another obstacle to my cultivation. She cried every night for hours, and nothing would help her calm down. She kept this up for four months.
After my daughter got off maternity leave and returned to work, the baby was left to me entirely. Day and night, I had to feed, bathe and change the baby. I had to take care of her when she got sick – one time, I was up three nights in a row taking care of the baby when she had a fever. She cried and fussed through all these three nights.
My son-in-law was in school then, and only came home on Sundays. He hardly did anything even when he was at home, but what hurt me the most was he never talked to me or smiled at me. He treated me as if I were nonexistent. He never acknowledged my efforts, and acted as if it were my duty to take care of his family.
My daughter was the same way. She never showed any appreciation for everything that I had done for her.
She would often say harsh things such as, “No matter how well you treat me, I still love my father more. If you don't want to be here any longer, you can just pay someone to take care of us.”
Her words had deeply hurt me. I realized I was tangled in the web of human emotion. It captured me and sank me to the absolute depths of an ocean of attachments.
What should I do to break through? I knew that I had to change the environment and I refused to be knocked down. My cultivation path was too precious to be ruined this way. “I will follow Master to fulfill my historic vow,” I thought. I refused to be lost in the mundane world; I had to be diligent again.
My Breakthrough
I began by stepping up my Fa study. Whenever the baby fell asleep, I would study the Fa no matter how tired and drowsy I was. I studied Zhuan Falun and also memorized Hong Yin. Even if I was doing chores or taking care of the baby, I would recite the Fa in my mind; I would fill my mind with the Fa at all times.
I made sure to send righteous thoughts at regular intervals. I tried my best to send righteous thoughts at the scheduled times, and I also added more times on my own when I could. When the baby took a nap, I would use the time to send righteous thoughts.
I sent righteous thoughts for longer periods of time to eliminate the interference attempting to disturb my Fa study and exercise. I also found the time to save sentient beings.
The environment around me improved as I improved myself. It was just like what Master mentioned:
“The appearance stems from the mind” (Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting)
My daughter now respects me and shows her appreciation for me. She will take care of the baby whenever she has a moment so that I can study the Fa and do the exercises. I am able to read one lecture of Zhuan Falun daily, as well as the new lectures, and send righteous thoughts at all the scheduled times.
My granddaughter is two years old now, and she listens to Master's lecture and Dafa songs everyday. She also learned to say “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.”
She is a healthy and happy child. My son-in-law also changed, and he is more mature now.
I am able to do the three things well. I use bills with Falun Gong facts printed on them. I have distributed Falun Gong materials and Shen Yun DVDs to the residential buildings all around us.
Through my talking to people about Falun Gong and the persecution, several people started practicing Falun Gong. I finally broke through the web and stepped back on the path of cultivation diligently again. I am deeply grateful to Master for watching over me.
My Understanding
After this intense struggle and breakthrough over these last three years, I realized that as a cultivator, one's cultivation and life are closely inter-related. As long as we abide by the Fa and follow Master's requirements, we can cultivate wherever we are. The key issue is whether we are diligent or not.
Cultivation is a matter of step-by-step improvement and point-by-point elevation. We undergo one test after another, eliminate one attachment after another, and through this process, ultimately walk step by step from humanity to godhood.
Master told us:
“Everything that Dafa disciples are doing today and everything in society you encounter, I can tell you, you are saving all beings.” (Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference)
We, as Falun Dafa cultivators, have to save sentient beings! We cannot forsake them, and we cannot forsake ourselves either.
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Category: Improving Oneself
