(Minghui.org) I am a young Falun Dafa practitioner born in 1992, and I started practicing Dafa at a very young age.
I have always thought that I was not diligent, and because of that, I didn't have any experiences to share. However, I recently discovered my fundamental attachment and I want to share this with other young practitioners who may have the same issue.
Obtaining Dafa at a Young Age
I developed a very high fever not long after I was born and vomited foam. Going to the hospital was a common routine for me.
Once, I vomited white foam and was unconscious. When my family was about to take me to the hospital, my mother knelt in front of Master's image and begged Master to save me.
When we reached the hospital, the doctor examined me and found that there was nothing wrong. We all knew that this was because of Master's protection.
After that, my mom often played Master's Fa-teaching video recordings for me. Other than cleansing my body, Master also gave me wisdom.
Taking the Initiative to Cultivate Again
When the persecution began on July 20, 1999, my mom went to Beijing to validate the Fa, and the cultivation environment at home was destroyed, as my father never approved of our cultivation.
At that time, I felt that what was written in the Dafa books was correct and that Dafa was good. However, I did not dare tell my classmates and friends about it.
I gradually lost myself in the human world and became hooked on everyday people's attachments to reputation, personal gain, sentiment, lust, and computer games.
I felt that I was not a Dafa practitioner at that time and thought that it was fine to just be someone that understood Dafa and the persecution. It was only when I was in high school, when I took the initiative to read Master's different lectures, that I felt the preciousness of Dafa and my historic mission.
Since then, I have truly stepped into cultivation again. But I was actually attached to consummation, which was what caused me to start cultivation. The fundamental reason was selfishness, which caused my cultivation state to hover between an everyday person and a cultivator.
Interfered with by Attachments
Although I started cultivating, I could not be diligent for more than a month. I felt disheartened each time I made a mistake when I lost myself in lust and computer games. I felt that there was no hope for me and would give up on myself.
Actually, these instances were all interference from the old forces, but I could not recognize it.
This continued for a long time until recently, when something similar happened again. It even swayed my confidence in cultivation and I started doubting I could really reach Consummation.
I begin to be afraid of hovering between being a cultivator and non-cultivator. I felt that I could not hold on anymore.
Recognizing Interference and Finding the Root of Attachment
I could not react to my current state. I was on the verge of mental collapse. I applied for leave and returned home to interact with my mom. Many things happened during this time when I was home that gave me new understandings of cultivation.
The first thing that occurred was when I could not control myself and played computer games. I suddenly sank into a very scary state – my mind was filled with demonic thoughts and I felt like I was a volcano that could erupt at any moment.
When my mom saw my situation, she sent forth righteous thoughts for me and saw a monster from the computer games in my body, baring its fangs and brandishing its claws.
Mom asked Master to eliminate that being. As a result, that evil being became smaller and finally disappeared. I recovered.
This really touched me. Master has previously brought up the topic of computer games and the harm that it causes Dafa practitioners. Although I understood this Fa teaching, my understanding was superficial. I did not recognize the evil nature of the computer games from my heart. I had finally understood this time that what Master had said was true.
I also thought of those pornographic movies and dramas that are designed to provoke attachments. There could be many evil beings behind them that are keeping Dafa practitioners from validating the Fa and saving sentient beings.
The second thing that happened was that a fellow practitioner recently fell to the illusion of sickness karma. Looking at her state of despair, I realized that there must be a reason why I was witnessing this.
Firstly, I had to let go of myself and try to help the practitioner. I should not be afraid of difficulties. I also needed to send more forth righteous thoughts and look within myself. Secondly, this was an alert for me – should I be diligent only when sickness karma appears?
The third thing that occurred happened when I was interacting with fellow practitioners about Master's recent lecture.
Master said,
“I calculated their ages now, and from when I started to spread the Fa till now, they would be young people around twenty-five years old, many of whom really have not been saved. They were all Gods, coming down to Earth, and they scattered to all areas of the world. Some could not become humans, as there were not that many human skins, so they became animals or plants.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2016 New York Fa Conference”)
One practitioner who was a few years older than me shared his understanding of the Fa. When he said that these young people have a close relationship with us, I suddenly understood my responsibility to save them.
I did not think of this before when I read this part of the Fa. I felt so ashamed of myself.
Recently, I discovered that sometimes I treated Dafa as a theory and did not use the principles to guide my thoughts and actions in daily life. Looking within myself, I found that I was not firm in my belief in Master, and I was also attached to myself – both of which kept me from understanding the Fa.
Master said,
“What we will talk about later are all principles for cultivation at high levels. I am incorporating things from different levels in the teachings. They will thus always play a guiding role in your future cultivation. I have several books, audiotapes, and videotapes. You will find that after watching and listening to them once, after a while when you watch and listen to them again, they will still guide you. You are also constantly improving yourselves, and they continually guide you—this is the Fa.” (Zhuan Falun)
I used to often wonder why Master asked us to read Zhuan Falun frequently, as I did not have any new understandings when I read it.
It wasn't until recently that a thought suddenly came into my head, saying that I might be wrong. Later, I was shocked to discover that, for many years, I never truly understood how limited I was in thinking about cultivation-related problems.
Looking back, I recalled that my non-cultivator father often reprimanded me for being too absolute in my understanding of the world, telling me that my understandings might not necessarily be correct.
Previously, I always thought that, because I was cultivating according to the universe's Fa, whatever Dafa taught me must be correct. However, I did not fathom that what I have enlightened to is only a droplet in the vast ocean, as different levels have different Fa.
Master said,
“Everything I've been doing during the Fa-rectification and everything I want, to spell it out, are the choice of the future cosmos and the needs of the future cosmos. (Applause) So for the beings of the old cosmos, and this includes all the elements of beings, when it comes to the Fa-rectification and what I choose, all beings' harmonizing and completing things according to my choices and contributing their best ideas and approaches--not to change what I want, but to harmonize and complete things according to what I've said--is the best thought a being in the cosmos could have. (Applause) But the old forces haven't been doing it that way. They've considered their choices the most essential, and have thought that everything I do should harmonize everything they want--they've completely reversed it. I don't want to state their crimes too harshly, right now I don't want to name their crimes. But it's absolutely wrong, they absolutely can't do it that way.” (“Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”)
I was too attached to my understandings and kept myself from assimilating to Dafa and clarifying the truth and saving people. I have let Master down.
I must eliminate this attachment to myself and diligently catch up with the Fa-rectification to save more sentient beings and fulfill my vow.
To other young practitioners, please pull yourself together and don't be addicted to technology, reputation, personal gain, and sentimentality. Do not disappoint those sentient beings that are waiting for us and our Master who has compassionately saved us.
Above is my personal understanding. If there is anything inappropriate, please kindly point it out.
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Category: Improving Oneself
