(Minghui.org) I decided to write an article after I received the call for the 13th China Fahui on February 25. The next day I got a notice that I had to move out of my apartment because the owner was selling it.
A week after that, my husband, who lived with his parents at the time, called me to say he was very ill and could barely walk. I had the same problem—my knees were hurting and began to swell. I managed to find an apartment and moved in two weeks.
While caring for my husband in my new place, I experienced severe interference, but I managed to finish my experience sharing article on April 13. In retrospect, what I went through during those 50 days enabled me to get rid a lot of my attachments and gain a deeper understanding of the Fa.
Passing the Test of Life or Death
After I moved, I had a taxi bring my husband over. He was already bedridden and incontinent. He refused to go to the hospital or have a doctor come over. It was a chaotic situation. I had to take care of him while my legs were very swollen and painful.
My sister, who is also a practitioner, came to help me. Suddenly she was in trouble with the local 610 Office because she refused to renounce Falun Dafa. Her husband, who used to respect me, blamed me for getting her into trouble because I introduced her to the practice.
The house was a mess and my situation was dire. It was like Master said, “Abundant troubles rain down together” (“Tempering the Will” in Hong Yin)
The old forces’ message was clear: They wanted me to die with my husband. The next day my husband's body was a little stiff. I had to be strong and negate the old forces' arrangement. Falun Dafa once saved my husband's life. He’s suffered a lot in the persecution but has maintained a positive attitude towards Dafa. I continued to check on him at night to clean him up and check if he was still breathing.
I didn't have the time or energy to send more righteous thoughts. I asked other practitioners to help, but most of them were busy. Only one could come, and while she was with us, her new car got scratched.
That afternoon my legs started to hurt unbearably. My sister and I sent righteous thoughts but it didn't help. She saw a very complicated problem that happened long time ago was causing the pain in my legs. That evening the pain was excruciating.
My stomach began to spasm, my limbs were numb, my heartbeat accelerated, and my neck was stiff. I felt that the old forces were determined to kill me. I negated everything and asked Master to help. I called other practitioners for help.
A dozen practitioners came over from work to send righteous thoughts until 10:30 that night. With Master and fellow practitioners' help, I passed this test of life and death.
“Why was I having to deal with such severe tribulations?” I wondered. A practitioner told me that everything seemed to go right for her when she began to write her article for the Fahui. I believed that should be the case, so why was I so incredibly interfered with? Looking within unconditionally was the only thing I could do.
Eliminating My Attachments
The first thing I did after I brought my husband home was to clean him up because he was incontinent. All the mess and odor disgusted me. I didn’t wash anything—I just threw it all away. My husband refused to wear a diaper.
He called me horribly nasty names, worse than anything I had heard over the years of persecution. I shut the doors and windows, because I didn’t want the neighbors to hear him. At night he would cry and scream.
He wouldn't eat anything if the food wasn't cooked exactly the way he wanted it. I kept suppressing my temper and my human notions, and he kept pushing me to the limit of my tolerance.
I started to recite poems in Hong Yin. When I got to “Cultivating Amidst the Delusion:”
“Cultivate, my disciples, ‘til no single omission is foundAnd with the passing of all adversity, will come the sweetness of true joy.”
I was awakened. I had never been in a situation like this, nor had I ever had an opportunity to eliminate my fear of filth and odor, and feelings of disgust and being fed up. These were my omissions. The old forces exploited this issue and created these troubles for me.
I negated that arrangement and changed my attitude about caring for my husband. That night I heard my husband calling me. When I went into his room, he was standing next to his bed in a pool of urine and feces.
He said, “I didn't mess up the bed.” I immediately cleaned up and encouraged him, “You did well. It's much easier to clean up this way. You will get better, and by then we can try to use the bathroom.” I know that he improved as soon as I found my notions. Only a few days later he was able to take care of himself in the restroom.
Jealousy
One day my sister asked, “Do you still have some kind of jealousy related to your husband?” I was baffled.
That same day a friend called to ask if my husband and I would join them on a trip overseas. I pictured us traveling together, all happy and romantic. Suddenly I realized that this was a kind of jealousy! I was jealous of something that I couldn't have, something I have wanted but my husband couldn't give me. I have always tried not to resent him, but I didn't see this jealousy behind it.
I kept digging and saw many more human notions hidden within this jealousy.
I had always wanted to be very much in love with my husband, to have us share the same interests, and get along together well. With the man I married, however, my dreams were shattered again and again. Before we moved back in together, we had been living apart for some time. As I became frustrated, I began to envy other couples and their lives. As time went by, this envy turned into well-hidden jealousy.
As I began to think about it based on the Fa, I realized that I needed to thank him, a nerd who was boring. Had I met “the man of my dreams,” I would have spent all my time focusing on the romantic life I yearned for. I might not have even practiced Falun Dafa! Because of him, I stopped being romantic and gave up most of my sentimental attachments long before I became a practitioner.
Being Responsible for Sentient Beings
I noticed that my husband was acting strangely in many ways: what he said wasn’t logical and he looked at me oddly. One morning he told me that he had fun the night before playing with dozens of monkeys. I was shocked and realized that he was possessed by animals. I realized that was why he suddenly had the illness and wasn't acting normally.
I quickly started to send righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil elements around him. In the process I understood that the evils were persecuting him in order to persecute me. We had similar “symptoms,” like numb and painful legs at almost the same time. I saw two wheelchairs and coffins ready for us in another dimension.
I told the old forces, “I promised Master to help rectify the Fa and I must accomplish my mission. Anything that stands between me and my mission is bound to be eradicated. Persecuting a sentient being in order to destroy a practitioner only aggravates the crime.” I extended the time and frequency of sending righteous thoughts. I also asked other practitioners to help. I saw that my field quickly became clear and bright.
I began to write my article for the Fahui, and I was in a very good state of mind. Through this process I understood that our ties and sentiments to our families constitute an environment in which we can cultivate and improve. We must be responsible for our sentient beings. I have always ignored my husband, thinking that he should be fine because he had positive thoughts about Dafa. The old forces exploited him and got to me through him. It was my fault that he suffered tremendously.
Finding My Fundamental Attachment
I didn't care much about money or social status, but I DID care about what others thought of me and my reputation. I persuaded my husband to adopt my values and standards.
To be the so-called good wife and help my husband advance in his job, I gave up everything. I didn't spend any of his earnings in our 35 years of marriage—I even paid his debts. I took care of everything at home so that he could devote all his time to his job. He never had to worry about the children.
I worked so hard at this that one day I physically collapsed and couldn't get up. I literally sacrificed my life for my notion of reputation. All my emotions were wrapped around it. Even after I became a practitioner, I still had the same attachment when I did Dafa work. I had never realized that this was my fundamental attachment.
When I read Master's article “Towards Consummation” in Essentials for Further Advancement II, I didn’t think too much about it, because I didn't think that I was attached to my health anymore. It didn't occur to me to look for what made me so ill the first place. It was my bottomless desire to have a good reputation and save face, and the effort that went into making that so. I also realized that much of what my husband suffered was the result of my fundamental attachment. The karma I incurred from causing his sufferings caused me pain and troubles, and hindered me from better clarifying the truth.
Losing the CCP Culture
My relationship with my husband deteriorated in recent years. We couldn’t stand being with each other, which was why he moved back in with his parents.
I liked the fact that we lived apart and thought it was easier for me to cultivate. I was reading something about the Chinese Communist Party culture the other day and realized that I was being too extreme when it came to my relationship with my husband. As a result he was depressed and helpless in dealing with the interference from other dimensions.
We were both being persecuted. The difference was, I saw the future because I had the Fa and, being an ordinary person, he couldn’t. I stepped away from my extreme thinking and tried to think about how Master would have treated him. I realized that Master would have cherished him and given him opportunities. I needed to cherish him because he came to this world representing his universe. He has suffered so much for his beings.
Through this opportunity I also saw how I had looked at and handled many things with extreme measures. I have hurt my husband a lot as a result of my extreme understandings and actions.
Tears of Compassion
My husband had a terrible childhood because of his siblings. He had food poisoning in college, which permanently damaged his stomach. When he taught at an university, the dean fired him to steal his technology. He started his own company, and the man he trusted betrayed him.
After the persecution started, the authorities suspected that he was helping practitioners and closed his business. He sued the dean and was attacked physically in the courtroom. When we had no income, his siblings sold our house. My husband was left with nothing and having to take care of his parents.
I cried to think about what he'd been through. I truly wanted him to be saved, because all beings had suffered so much to be here at this time in history to hear the Fa. I naturally had the compassion for him. Teacher has said,
“Compassion is the Divine’s eternal state” (“Why Do You Reject It?” in Hong Yin III)
“When your true original nature returns, that will be the level at which you will grasp things, and that standard is you, yourself.” (“Buddha Nature” in Zhuan Falun Volume II)
I had always wanted the environment to change for me instead of making the effort to adjust. When I improve, things around me change for the better. The faster I improve, the faster and more things do change for the better.
Conclusion
I finished my article on the day of the deadline. I had a hard time believing that I had gone through so much in just 50 days. The next day my husband told me that he wanted to go get a haircut. I was surprised, wondering if he could make it.
I helped him downstairs and got to the hair salon. After his hair cut, we ate together and got all our energy back. A few days later he was able to go to court to continue his legal fight with his former dean. Things seemed to be back on the right track.
I thank Master for tempering me in the 50 days after the call for articles. I experienced so many things that I had never imagined and improved myself based on the Fa. I was allowed to become a person who lives for others.
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