(Minghui.org) Minghui's announcement for the 13th China Fahui said to avoid using Minghui articles to validate oneself. This left a big impression on me.
I started to think seriously about this issue and, looking within, I found several instances of validating myself.
Defending Oneself
I once asked a fellow practitioner to point out my gaps.
“You really have a big ego.” she said, “No one dares to criticize you. If they do, you get terribly angry.”
“Could you please give me an example?” I replied calmly.
“For example, when discussing the Fa, your sharing doesn't make a lot of sense. Sometimes you start with a righteous understanding, but then you move to wrong or negative things, leading people astray.”
I couldn’t stand it anymore and started to defend myself: “I am not important, so no one pays any attention to me when I share.” “How can the Fa be easily understood? Doesn't it require a process for people to enlighten to it?” “If you are not patient enough or have not cultivated your xinxing high enough, maybe that’s why you can’t understand my sharing.”
Showing off
A show-off mentality can be hidden under many things. For example, when I shared on how to have righteous thoughts and take righteous actions, I was often unintentionally showing off.
I refused to write any statements to denounce Falun Dafa when I was detained. One day a practitioner told me that the officials had decided to send some former practitioners who had given in under pressure to “help” me.
I first thought, “What they understood was wrong. I will defeat them.”
Then I thought, “That's not right. I am not supposed to do well within the context of the tribulations arranged by the old forces—I should completely reject the old forces' arrangements.”
Then I had a firm thought: “Those evil factors do not deserve to listen to me; they should not even come into my field.”
They never came.
I often used this example to tell other practitioners how to completely reject the old forces' arrangement, but I didn't get much response. Now I see that there was a strong show-off mentality behind my sharing.
Rationalizing an Overinflated Ego
I organized a Fa sharing meeting to encourage practitioners to file lawsuits against Jiang Zemin, the former Chinese Communist Party leader who launched the persecution of Falun Dafa.
One practitioner slept through the meeting and didn't wake up even after it was over.
Another practitioner asked me, “Could you wake her up and tell her to go home?”
It was actually Master's hint that I should show her the path to return to her original home through cultivation. But I didn't enlighten to it, because of my own ego.
I didn't wake her up and just went home.
Although I appeared calm, I rationalized to myself, “My intention was good—I didn't want to validate myself. But she was so snobbish and looked down on us.”
Qing
When we went to my stepdaughter's wedding in August, I was car sick. My husband ignored me, so I talked to his ex-wife, the mother of my stepdaughter.
When I got home, I lashed out at him: “I married you when you were at your lowest point. You promised that you would look after me. An empty promise, I now see. I do all the housework while you just play games and read novels. I also spend a lot of money on your daughter. Why don’t you ever show me any gratitude?”
I realized that my heart was stirred by my desire. At my group Fa-study, I read: “Everything belongs to qing, and everyday people just live for it.” (Zhuan Falun) I suddenly understood that I had an attachment to qing and that I had to get rid of it!
By looking within, I’ve realized that, to avoid validating myself, I should ask myself a few questions before I speak or do anything: “What am I doing it for?” “Will people accept what I say or do?” “Is there a hidden agenda?”
If we are truly for others, we should not impose ourselves on others or defend our ourselves. We should be open and honest, and then we would not be validating ourselves.
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Category: Improving Oneself
