(Minghui.org) Although I'm a young Falun Dafa disciple, I can clearly see that some practitioners fail to communicate in a kind manner, which leads to a variety of gaps, as well as long-term conflicts. It seems that these practitioners are strongly attached to their points of view.
A typical scenario may involve a practitioner trying to persuade others in his Fa-study group to go along with his idea or plan.
If another practitioner fails to recognize the merits of that practitioner's idea or plan, or disagrees with his understanding—which he insists is based on the Fa—the practitioner may look down on them, become indignant, or may even act indifferent towards that person.
This is bound to happen when we try to change others, based on our limited notions. If we think about it, isn't this the same as validating ourselves?
For example, I know a female practitioner who was emotionally attached to a non-practitioner. I was naturally concerned, so one day I decided to talk to her.
She said afterwards, “I'm aware of the Fa principles that you just cited.” However, she still remained attached to the boy. I felt frustrated that she had essentially ignored my advice.
When I reflected back on our meeting, I realized that I had tried to persuade her using everyday people's notions, such as, “Your boyfriend might have a negative impact on your cultivation.”
She later explained that she, too, felt frustrated by her inability to let go of her sentiments towards the boy. Instead of feeling compassion for her, I felt like walking away.
I can now see that I was forcing my opinion on her, instead of trying to understand her. In effect, I was attached to changing this practitioner.
However, if we hope to influence someone's behavior in a positive way, they'll first need to feel that we care about them, accept them, and are sincerely interested in their well-being.
If you angrily criticize a person while expressing your point of view, or talk about them behind their back, this may inhibit developing an open and trusting relationship with them. Wouldn't you instead be creating gaps?
Master said,
“I often say that if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move the listener to tears. I have not only taught you Dafa, but have also left you my demeanor. While working, your tone of voice, your kindheartedness, and your reasoning can change a person’s heart, whereas commands never could! If others are not convinced deep down inside but only superficially comply, they will still conduct themselves according to their own will when no one is around to see them.” (“Clearheadedness” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
If you're truly concerned about a person's well-being, while witnessing their shortcomings, wouldn't you patiently and kindly talk to them?
I recently lodged a criminal complaint against former Chinese dictator Jiang Zemin, for launching the persecution against Falun Gong. A short while later, I began receiving harassing and threatening phone calls.
I told a practitioner about the situation, explaining that I was worried and that I didn't know what to do.
He then introduced me to an elderly practitioner who shared with me how he was able to maintain righteous thoughts while facing difficult challenges, and how his steadfast belief in Master and the Fa had always led to successful outcomes.
He encouraged me to do well, saying that we are all Master's disciples. What he didn't do—which I found extremely refreshing—is judge me, tell me that my righteous thoughts were lacking, or comment on my cultivation state.
I left his home feeling full of confidence, which bolstered my belief in Master and Dafa. Shortly afterward, the harassing phone calls stopped.
Some practitioners’ communication styles are counter-productive. They say stuff like, “You can't do things like that!” or “You have an attachment!” or “What you’re doing indicates that you don't believe in Master or Dafa.”
However, these people aren’t helping you understand the problem at hand.
I think it would be a lot more beneficial to share positive experiences with fellow practitioners, with the intention of helping everyone improve together.
One young female practitioner I know married a non-practitioner. Her mother, who is also a practitioner, was adamantly opposed to the marriage from the start. As a result, their gaps were taken advantage by the old forces, and the mother was later arrested.
Everyone in our group told the young practitioner that she was wrong for marrying a non-practitioner.
At some point, the young girl became so overwhelmed that she cut off all communication with the group. In addition, she made very little effort to help rescue her mother.
The group then looked inward and enlightened to the fact that everyone was trying to force a certain outcome, based on their own individual notions. Thereafter, they cooperated well and the mother was soon released.
Master said,
“When you are working together and experience friction, it is because of human attachments. That is part of one’s cultivation state and process, and absolutely not because someone is truly no good. A person’s good side can’t be seen anymore, as it has been separated. What you see will always be the side that has not been cultivated yet. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a compassionate heart, or should look at people in rigid ways. I’ve said again and again that you cannot see a cultivator’s good side. That side is simply terrific, and has met the standard. And what does it mean to “meet the standard”? It is the standard of a god. Whereas the part of him that hasn’t been successfully cultivated yet, that part is going to seem worse as it works its way up and gets closer to the surface. But, maybe that person has cultivated very well. I hope that you all cherish yourselves, cherish others, and cherish this environment that you have. Cherishing the path that you travel is cherishing yourselves.” (“What is a Dafa Disciple. Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 New York Fa Conference” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference XI)
I enlightened to the fact that every practitioner's cultivation status is in a state of flux, and that we shouldn't look at others in rigid ways.
From the perspective of this physical world, when you're embroiled in an argument or you find that you're unable to cooperate well with another practitioner, that doesn't mean that your true selves are at odds with one another.
In addition, one's attachments and notions only affect another person's attachments and notions—not their true selves.
If there's a long-term rift between two practitioners, it's usually because they are unaware that they're being controlled by their human notions.
A practitioner's attachments and notions will often anger the people around him.
However, shouldn't we give fellow practitioners the time and space they need to rid themselves of their character flaws?
Master said,
“And such a notion controls a person for not just one lifetime, but continually onward. Only when a change takes place will it be eliminated. Failing that, it will continue to exert control. When the notion gets progressively stronger, the person’s real self will truly cease to exist.” (Zhuan Falun Volume II)
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Category: Improving Oneself
