(Minghui.org) I had not been diligently cultivating myself for a long time. It felt like there was a black cloud over my head and all kinds of human notions kept surfacing, one after another. Although I did look inward and was able to identify and let go of some attachments, I knew I hadn't found the root of what was interfering with me.
I recently had another xinxing test. When I asked Teacher what I should do, I suddenly saw the deeply-buried selfishness that had been interfering with my cultivation for years.
Because my husband has many siblings, his large family is very busy, with many events taking place, such as marriages, baby showers, children going to college, etc...
Our son entered college while I was imprisoned for practicing Falun Dafa, but my husband's family didn't send any gifts of money like we had given their children. Because of this I resented them and wanted to avoid socializing with them.
But I also know that I am a Falun Dafa practitioner and I must be kind to everyone. So I kept a cordial relationship with them, at least on the surface.
Recently, one of my husband's nephews was admitted to a college in another province. Because this nephew attended a high school not far from our house, he frequently visited us. On the surface, it looked like we were close.
My husband said one day that his brother asked him to drive our nephew to the college. Since the price of gasoline was high, it would cost us more than 1,000 yuan. I said, “Why doesn't he drive his son to school himself? Why is it your responsibility?”
He didn't say anything. I realized that I had an attachment to protecting my own interests. I thought, “I have to let go of this human notion. Let him decide.”
A few days later, my husband asked his father if this younger brother had given our son any money when he entered college. His father said he couldn't remember. My husband then said that he knew that this younger brother hadn't given him any money. I immediately said, “That means that we are not obliged to give him any money.”
My husband asked me, “Is it right to act this way?”
I immediately remembered that I was a practitioner so I kept silent and thought that I would let him decide.
Several days ago, my niece (my eldest sister-in-law's daughter-in-law) had a baby, so we went to their village to congratulate them. The younger brother-in-law's family was there. Out of courtesy, I invited his son to come home with us, stay at our house, and then we would take him to the train station the next day. The truth is, I was not willing to help but I made the offer to keep our relationship friendly.
The in-laws decided that my husband didn't need to drive the boy to college after all. Instead, the eldest sister would accompany the boy to the college by train.
The boy stayed with us that night. After dinner, I went to meditate, however, I couldn't calm down.
I felt it was wrong not to give the boy any gift since he was quite close to us, but money was a big issue for our family right now. My husband had taken out a high interest loan and it was due. We had to borrow money to pay back the loan as well as the interest on it. Our family also had a lot of other debts. I thought, “Who can I turn to for help? Who can give me some suggestions?
I asked Teacher to show me what I was overlooking. The sentence, “Be sincere and truthful,” came into my mind.
I immediately felt a large, heavy substance being lifted off me, and the barrier between my husband's family and I disintegrating. I suddenly realized that I had not been sincere for years. Wasn't I supposed to be following the principles of “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance”? This must be the reason I had not been diligent or been able to make any progress in my cultivation.
I realized that the issue was not money, or about how much money I should give or not give, it was a deeply buried attachment to ugly selfishness. At that moment, I understood that all the conflicts and unhappiness with my in-laws were opportunities for me to cultivate and improve. I should truly thank my in-laws!
The next morning, I gave my nephew 200 yuan and said to him sincerely and truthfully, “I am short of money these days. We just had to pay back a big loan. We are very happy for your wonderful achievement, please accept this small gift.”
The boy could feel my sincerity, happily accepted the gift and set off on his journey.
After the barriers between my in-laws and I were gone, my heart opened up! I feel very close to them and I genuinely care about them.
My younger sister-in-law has knee problems and it's difficult for her to stand up or walk. Before, when she managed to come to my house to see my parents-in-law, I only greeted her out of politeness but I didn't want to be friendly with her.
Yesterday, I called her and asked about her health and promised to visit her soon. I certainly want to visit her now, because I want to tell her how wonderful Falun Dafa is, and tell her about the persecution. I wish to give her a chance to understand Falun Dafa and embrace a bright future.
Thank you Teacher for showing me that I need to be sincere and helping me uproot my selfishness and resentment!
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Category: Improving Oneself
