(Minghui.org) I am from Botswana, Africa. I'm 19 years old. I started practicing Falun Dafa last year, in 2015.
I have gone through massive changes in my first year of cultivation, and through Dafa I have come to realize many things that were previously beyond my scope.
The materials I found on the well-established Dafa websites have contributed greatly to my improvement, and I would like to thank Master and the Dafa disciples who have played a major role in helping Master rectify the Fa. If I had the opportunity to assist Master in that way, that would be great. My heart is truly touched.
In my one year of cultivation, I have managed to shed many attachments through studying the Fa. I have learned many lessons as well.
However, the biggest attachment to remove has been the attachment to lust. It seems to me now that this attachment had been planted in me from a very young age, through movies, music, books, lustful people, etc.
Since taking up the practice, I have not indulged in lustful activities with any woman. All the lust tests that I speak of are the ones in dreams. I have sent righteous thoughts to purge this attachment many times, but it always seemed too strong while I was deep in sleep.
I thus began to study the Fa more, so as to generate stronger righteous thoughts. My righteous thoughts became stronger, and I passed the lust test about five times in my dreams. However, I also failed many times. Every time I failed, I derived an important lesson from my failure so that I could pass the test next time.
As I kept failing to pass the test in dreams, I became ever more determined to eliminate this attachment. I then realized that one of the reasons the attachment was so strong was that, before I started practicing Dafa, I had indulged in reading many books about power, seduction, and war, and watched numerous lustful movies that would show scenes of seducing women.
When in deep sleep, these evil notions had a strong influence on my decision making. This, I came to see, was cultivating evil thoughts in my mind, and Master said to follow only one cultivation way.
In Zhuan Falun Master said:
“Furthermore, I am telling you that because you are Falun Dafa disciples, I will tell you these words: ‘Never read those crooked qigong books.’ I am not referring to the foregoing classic texts, but to those sham qigong books written by people today. You should not even open them. If the idea flashes in your mind that ‘well, this sentence seems reasonable,’ with this, the possessing spirits or animals in the book will attach to your body. Many books were written under the control of possessing spirits or animals which manipulate human attachments for fame and fortune. There are a lot—quite a lot—of phony qigong books. Many people are being irresponsible and writing books with possessing spirits or animals and chaotic things in them. Usually, it is better not to even read the classic books mentioned above or other related classic scriptures, as it involves the issue of being single-minded in one practice.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
So my understanding is that having such evil thoughts planted in the mind through those books and movies, and seeing the world through those evil thoughts, is a form of cultivation (evil cultivation). I began sending righteous thoughts and managed to eliminate most of them, but some evil thoughts remained well hidden.
I began thinking about the root of evil thoughts, notions, and attachments, so as to eliminate the source of the problem. One morning, after failing another lust test while deep in sleep, I became even more determined to find the root.
I began to reason, “Since The Creator's wisdom, Dafa, at high levels is simply Zhen, Shan, Ren (Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance), then what makes up evil and attachments at deep levels must be the opposite of the fundamental characteristics of the universe. The fundamental characteristics of evil thoughts, evil notions, and attachments must simply be deception, wickedness, and intolerance (or lack of restraint).”
With this thought, I began to see how lust embodied these fundamental characteristics of evil (deception, wickedness, intolerance/lack of restraint), and I began to send righteous thoughts to directly eliminate these fundamental qualities of the evil. I have recently noticed some more improvement.
Master said:
“So what kinds of demons of lust will one encounter? If your ability of ding is not adequate, it will appear in your dreams during sleep. While you are sleeping or sitting in meditation, it will suddenly show up. If you are male, a beauty will appear. If you are female, the man of your dreams will show up. Yet they will be naked. Once your mind thinks about it, you will ejaculate and make it a reality. Think about it, everyone: In our cultivation practice, the essence of the body is used to cultivate one’s life; you cannot always ejaculate like this.” (“Demonic Interference in Cultivation” from Zhuan Falun)
For example, in the past, many ordinary people said that engaging in sexual activities was fine. Before I learned Dafa, I thought what they said was true, and I mindlessly followed.
After taking up Dafa, I saw that these sayings are harmful and false. I now feel that I have been robbed of a lot of my bodily essence.
Though I'm still 19, I often feel tired, depressed, dispirited, etc. I often wish I had obtained Dafa before I reached puberty and before so many wicked things had entered my mind, so that I wouldn't have lost so much essence. It pains my heart deeply to know that so much has been taken from me by wicked lustful demons and attachments. But my wish cannot turn back time, so I have to use this opportunity to cultivate diligently.
Though I have understood what the fundamental qualities of evil are, the attachment of lust still pillaged my essence week after week in my dreams. I would send righteous thoughts every day, and in daily life I can resist lustful thoughts and behavior. However, while I sleep, this lust substance would pillage me without mercy.
Every time in these dreams, it was as if I was watching but had no control. Everything always happens so quickly. I have wanted to meet Master to help me with this problem directly, but I also realized that the pursuit of meeting Master was also an attachment that could invite fake Law Bodies (Fashen). So my only way of meeting Master is through thoroughly studying the books every day.
However, I recently discovered what I believe to be the reason that lust can take advantage of my loopholes in my sleep.
It is that, deep down, I have notions of the word “naked,” “sex,” and also a notion of how women should dress, so when a woman is dressed inappropriately, my mind reacts with wicked thoughts. I see now that I have to eliminate these notions and return to the original innocence that I had as a baby, when I didn't know whether I was naked or that other people were naked, and didn't know what “sex” was. I believe that this is a form of shedding attachments of this human place.
I'm determined more than ever to remove all of my attachments and fulfill the great mission bestowed upon Dafa disciples. No matter what, I will work hard on my heart and find more ways to save sentient beings.
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Category: Improving Oneself
