(Minghui.org) I began to practice Falun Dafa in November 1997. However, I was unable to understand Zhuan Falun for many years, and I did not dare ask questions. As an intellectual, I was studying Zhuan Falun as I did any subject or school book, just like an ordinary person. Besides I was afraid people would criticize me.
Poor Inborn Quality
Master said:
“Someone asked, "Is it that if one has too much black substance one is unable to practice to high levels?" One could say so, as with a lot of black substance, one’s enlightenment quality will be affected. Because it forms a field around one’s body and wraps a person up right in the middle, one is cut off from Zhen-Shan-Ren, the characteristic of the universe. Thus, this person’s enlightenment quality may be poor.” (Zhuan Falun)
My inborn quality was poor, so karma prevented me from understanding Falun Dafa. Besides, I went to school during the cultural revolution and was indoctrinated with the communist manifesto. Therefore, I could not get my head around anything that had to do with cultivation.
“Doing things is not cultivation”
I knew that Dafa is precious, so I did not give it up even when I was persecuted. I tried my best to do everything well, but cultivation is a serious matter. Although I had done a lot of Dafa work, I failed in many tests because doing things is not cultivation.
Looking back over my cultivation journey, I realized that I did not really obtain the Fa. Although I was greatly discouraged by this discovery, I had to face reality. I did not blame myself because I had truly tried my best to be a cultivating practitioner.
Dafa is extraordinary. If I could not study the Fa well and could not obtain the Fa, I did not really cultivate. For years, I had tried unsuccessfully every method to get rid of the things that separated me from Dafa. My karma still overwhelmed me.
My mind and heart told me that I wanted to return to my original self by following the principles “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.” No matter how hard, I must not give up and truly cultivate.
Believing in Master and the Fa
It has been four years since I was released from the second imprisonment in a forced labor camp. It was tough going to come back to Dafa cultivation.
I repeatedly listened to articles about truly believing in Master and Dafa and studying the Fa with a calm mind. This showed me the big gap between my and practitioners' cultivation, as I kept taking a detour. The reason was that I did not believe in Master and the Fa 100 percent, and had not really obtained the it.
Encouragement
During a gathering, I gave Shen Yun DVDs to 15 of my former classmates, and they accepted them. I also had talked to them about Falun Dafa. However, that evening they verbally abused me.
No matter how abusive they were, I had only one thought in my mind “Just by staying unaffected you will be able to handle all situations.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in the Midwest-U.S.)
I remained very calm and sent righteous thoughts to dissolve the interference. Soon, I felt that my body became light. I knew Master was encouraging me. Dafa disciple's righteous thoughts are powerful. Believing in Master and Dafa has started to take root in my heart.
After my experience with my former classmates I no longer was afraid to talk to people face to face about Dafa. Master strengthened me and I was able to walk out of difficult situations.
Battle Between Evil and Righteousness
There was a large poster that slandered Master and the Fa in the communist propaganda window opposite my home. A camera was attached above the poster. Local practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts and sent information to the Minghui website. Overseas practitioners called the 610 Office, police station and the community center in my local area and put a lot of pressure on these people.
When I saw two elderly people looking at the poster I thought, “Do not let the evil poison sentient beings!” I told myself that if I did not safeguard Master and Dafa, I was not worthy of being a Dafa disciple.
Thus, I met with the three community center leaders and talked to them about Dafa. They said that it was their job and they would get fired if they took the poster down. I told them that by keeping it up they were actually hurting themselves.
Then, the community center took the poster down several hours before we were going to take it down. The local officers chose a good future after they knew the truth.
It was a battle between the evil and the righteous. Many practitioners including overseas practitioners got involved. Our local practitioners co-operated extremely well. Master dissolved the evil for us when He saw that we cooperated well and our xinxing was up to par.
Seriousness of Fa Study
As a practitioner who came back to Dafa, I had to cultivate from the very beginning. I had to make sure that my sitting meditation posture was correct, because in the past I did not cross my legs, as I wanted to endure less pain. Master said that it was important to lay a good foundation. But I did not understand it, nor did I pay any attention to it at the time.
I could not focus when reading the Fa for over a dozen years. I tried every method such as reading quickly or slowly, reading while standing or kneeling, reciting or copying the Fa, and reading with other practitioners. All these methods did not fundamentally solve my problem. My mind still wandered while reading the Fa. Then, I studied the Fa with a group of practitioners who greatly helped me.
Finally, I was determined to study the Fa well and truly obtain the Fa in February 2016. I let go of the attachment to time when studying the Fa. I no longer worried about how many lectures I had to read a day or that I had to finish reading Zhuan Falun.
I just read the Fa word by word, sentence by sentence, and slowly. Sometimes I read the same sentence a few times. Sometimes I read it loudly or silently. Sometimes I thought over a paragraph or read it over and over again until I understood it. Gradually I understood every sentence.
Opening of Wisdom
I found the new Lun Yu difficult to memorize because I did not understand the connections between sentences and paragraphs. When I recited it, I often mixed the order of the sentences. Then I decided to read it many times. Now, I think I understand the connection between each sentence.
Some time later I suddenly had a clear insight into Zhuan Falun and could understand each word of Zhuan Falun. I felt that the thing that had separated me from Dafa was gone as my wisdom had opened.
Master's Fa came into my mind:
“Its broad and immense, profound inner meaning can only manifest itself to, and be experienced and understood by, practitioners who are at different levels of true cultivation. Only then can one truly see what the Fa is.” (“Broad and Immense,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I memorized Essentials for Further Advancement 10 years ago. Every time I recited “Broad and Immense, ” I was moved.
Master Treats All Practitioners the Same
I have studied the Fa for nearly 20 years and did not understand it well and felt ashamed. But Master did not treat me differently. One cannot find such another Master in the human world.
I just started to understand the Fa after 18 years of cultivation. Master saw my wish and my heart for cultivation, and bore the karma for me so that I could understand the Fa. Master had hinted and given me insights many times since I started to practice Falun Dafa. Master has been by my side all along.
I shed tears when I realized that I progressed in the Fa. This was a small step, yet a big step forward. Now, I can study the Fa like other Dafa practitioners and do not feel that something is missing. It may seem nothing to some practitioners. However, to enable me to come to this point, Master has expanded great effort.
Fundamental Change
When I improved, I felt a fundamental change in me. My mind no longer wanders and I am of a calm mind when I send righteous thoughts. My main consciousness has become clear.
Only after I could focus on studying Fa, was I able to understand the profound meaning of Master's Fa,
“You have already developed a habit of abandoning your Main Consciousness. Once you close your eyes you will put the Main Consciousness to rest, and it will disappear. You have already developed this habit. While sitting here, why doesn’t your body swing? If you maintain the state in which your eyes are open, will your body swing with eyes slightly closed? Absolutely not. You think that qigong should be practiced this way and you have formed such a concept. Once you close your eyes, you will disappear without knowing where you are. We have said that your Main Consciousness must be conscious, because this practice cultivates your own self. You should make progress with a conscious mind.” (Zhuan Falun)
In the past, when I practiced a fake qigong, animals controlled my mind and I was not conscious.
When I started practicing Dafa, Master cleared the animal possession. He explained this issue very clearly. He said that he removed the animal possession, but we had to change our notions. He told us to “maintain the state in which your eyes are open” (Zhuan Falun).
Actually, I never tried to keep my eyes open. I thought it was only an issue of my palm falling down when sending forth righteous thoughts. I did not realize the seriousness of my problem. I even increased the times for sending forth righteous thoughts. I was cheating myself.
Now I understand that I was not able to clear the evil when sending forth righteous thoughts because my main consciousness did not control my mind. How possibly could I not be interfered with? I had wasted so much time.
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