(Minghui.org) Because of having slacked off in my cultivation in recent years, I realized that I had a pursuit of seeking hidden meanings in the Fa while I studied. I didn’t realize that I had this pursuit until I read Master’s 20th Anniversary Fa Teaching;
“The Fa is written with the most superficial, human language, using the structures of human language, but it is by no means limited to this superficial level: in level after level after level after level, there is Fa-meaning contained in it.” (“20th Anniversary Fa Teaching” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference XI)
Sometimes I read fellow practitioners' articles about how they understood the Fa. Whenever I read, I was eager to see the inner meanings of the Fa to which they had enlightened. By being attached to getting something while studying, I was not respecting Master and the Fa. I was in a completely different state than what Master has talked about:
"Gain naturally without pursuit." (Lecture in Sydney, 1996)
My pursuit later became even worse. As a result, when I studied the Fa, I felt sleepy and could not concentrate. When I was sending forth righteous thoughts, I could not hold my palm upright, and my head felt blocked at the top. I also felt dizzy, and that there was something that was preventing me from studying the Fa. My understanding of what I was reading was limited to the superficial level, and I lacked the feeling that I was reading the most holy words. I used to feel that way whenever I studied the Fa.
The old forces were taking advantage of my attachment. I was in the midst of this dangerous tribulation when I looked inside and found my attachment of pursuit.
Sometimes, when I did the exercises, I wanted to finish the Falun Standing Stance exercise sooner. When I was controlled by that repetitive thought, I finished within ten minutes instead of the full half hour. I could feel there was an abnormal energy mechanism dragging me down while I exercised, and it was very forceful. We are in great danger when we have incorrect thoughts. Numerous eyes are truly staring at our minds and thoughts.
I realized that my attachment of pursuit was why I had been sent to a forced labor camp at the beginning of the persecution. Even under pressure, I was attached to meeting practitioners so that I could enlighten from their understandings. There were two practitioners that I had met at our morning group practice site and I really wanted to see them again.
It was fifteen days after the Chinese New Year in 2000. Another practitioner sent a message for us to meet at a particular location. I was very happy when I arrived because there were over 70 practitioners present, but suddenly police arrived, and we were all arrested.
I was taken directly to a detention center. Sitting near a window, I saw one of the practitioners that I had wanted to meet. She saw me and called to me, “Oh, you are here!” I was astonished to see her.
“Why are you here too?” she asked. I looked at her, and my mind went blank. She said, “You don’t have any money with you, right? I can give you all the everyday items you need!” Just then, someone called her, and she turned and walked away. I didn’t get a chance to say a word to her. Left alone, I cried. It was the last time I saw her. She was persecuted to death in 2002.
I was taken to a labor camp 13 days later. Once there, I saw the other practitioner who I had been eager to meet. I cried out with excitement. She looked at me, but did not say a word. I then noticed that someone was following her.
Because I was attached to meeting those practitioners, I was imprisoned. I was sent to the forced labor camp for one year, and the term was later extended for another year because I refused to renounce Dafa. This all happened to me in 2000 and 2001, which was the peak of the persecution of Falun Dafa. I suffered a lot in that evil den, and so did my family members who worried about me.
I feel very sad that Master has suffered for us because we had not done well. Without Master protecting me in that brutal environment, I would not have survived.
We are now on the last leg of our cultivation journey. We need to cultivate our minds and thoughts well and completely let go of our pursuits.
Master said,
“You can only reach Consummation after you have abandoned all of your attachments and none of them remain.” (“Cultivation Practice is Not Political,”from Essential for Further Advancement).
Fellow Dafa disciples, be diligent.
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