(Minghui.org) Greetings, Esteemed Master! Greetings, Fellow practitioners! 

Over the past year or so, I have gone through a cultivation process of letting go of my attachment to self again and again. Now I’m reporting my experience to Master Li (Dafa’s founder) and sharing it with fellow practitioners.

The Weak Main Consciousness

In 2021, because I had a lot of things to take care of at home, my cultivation status was a bit off. Although I wasn’t sleepy while studying the Fa, I could not internalize the deeper meaning of the Fa, and I no longer had the sacred and wonderful feeling as before.

The Covid cases were on the rise again in our region, so my daughter and I were both working and studying from home. While I was sending righteous thoughts one day, my daughter said to me, “Mom, your palm is down!” I looked at my hand and it was not down. My daughter mocked me, “You certainly corrected your posture fast!”

I began to ask my daughter to remind me if my palm was down again while sending forth righteous thoughts. It turned out she almost had to remind me every time. Seeing that I was always like this, she stopped trying and left me alone.

I used my cell phone to record myself while sending forth righteous thoughts. I was so startled that I was in a cold sweat looking at myself. How could I be like this? Wasn’t this sleeping?! I also recorded myself doing the meditation and saw that I constantly dozed off during meditation!

It wasn’t easy to stay clearheaded during righteous thoughts or exercises. I could not stay awake for a few minutes. I increased the frequency of sending forth righteous thoughts until I was able to keep my palm in an upright position for the entire 15 minutes. I also did the standing stance exercise as long as I could, and my cultivation state improved.

Master told us:“It no longer wants to be in charge of the body. It is always in a daze and cannot stay alert. At this point, the person’s Assistant Consciousness or foreign messages will interfere with him.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

I found myself easily drifting off to sleep whenever I closed my eyes. I knew that I had to strengthen my main consciousness. I began reciting “On Dafa” and writing it down once a day. My mind often wandered but I was still writing. I made a rule for myself – if I wrote a wrong character, I would start all over again. One day, it took me seven tries to finish transcribing “On Dafa” without any mistakes. I also began to memorize the Fa. After several months, my main consciousness became stronger.

The Manifestation of My Attachment to Self

But where did I go wrong in terms of xinxing? I searched but did not find any problem. Master used various ways to enlighten me. Later I realized I was too attached to “self.”

I thought I cultivated well because I cared little about fame, profit, or sentimentality; there was almost no conflict that could bother me. I slept in this hotbed of self-righteousness as if I had been put under a spell, nourishing my “self” to a great extent.

When I was memorizing Master’s recent article Wake up: “She acts as though she is diligent, pretends to be docile, and is good at fooling people.” I felt that was me. I was cultivating on the surface, but I did not change deep inside. Not only did I fool others, I was fooling myself as well!

After I became aware of the “self,” Master used one incident to let me see clearly its manifestation.

Two sisters in our Fa-study group were caught in a very tense family conflict. The younger sister didn’t want to participate in the Fa study anymore and wanted to avoid the problems. The elder sister couldn’t let it go either. She looked down on the younger one and began to experience some sickness karma.

When I saw this, I remembered Master’s Fa teaching:

“When two people have a conflict and a third person sees it, even that third person should think about whether there are any problems on his part—“Why did I happen to see it?”” (Teachings at the Conference in the Eastern U.S.)

Did I have the problems reflected in them? I thought about it carefully. Wasn’t the fight between the sisters a manifestation of being attached to “self”? ! Didn’t I also fixate on the superficial right and wrong of things, and defend myself fiercely? Didn’t I also use my own standard to measure others? Didn’t I also have a hard time letting go of my own perceptions? Whether it manifests as resentment or jealousy, it all originates from selfishness.

I shared my understanding with the two sisters. But they were consumed in emotion and had a hard time calming down. That night, I sent forth righteous thoughts for them, hoping their true selves can take charge and handle the conflict with righteous thoughts.

Later the two sisters shared with me separately, and both of them were very calm and rational. I told them that whatever the conflict was, we shouldn’t get stuck in it. Elevating our xinxing is what matters.

We Dafa disciples are still cultivating in a maze, so we must not get caught up in the apparent right or wrong of things and forget our original intention. No matter what happens, it is a good thing, because it’s an opportunity for us to discover our attachment and cultivate it off.

When the two sisters were able to evaluate things from the basis of the Fa, they found their own attachments, and their xinxing improvements were obvious to all. The younger sister let go of her self-righteous feeling and became very diligent. She also made breakthroughs in her truth clarification. The elder sister, on the other hand, overcame the major sickness tribulation. They have been working together doing the three things well.

Letting Go of Self and Be Humble

Immediately afterward, another incident happened, which made me understand that “self” is a huge obstacle preventing me from improving.

One day, a fellow practitioner told me that the letter I wrote to her daughter Mei had caused Mei (also a fellow practitioner) to lose faith in cultivation and not even want to practice anymore. Because Mei had been in tribulations for a long time, I was anxious for her, so I wrote some words to encourage her. When I heard her mother’s words, I immediately realized that something went wrong on my part––how could I cause such a negative influence on Mei? I kept blaming myself.

After returning home, I went to Master’s portrait and said to Master in tears, “I made a mistake. Although I don’t know what triggered the negative thoughts in Mei, my attachment to helping her overcome her tribulation in itself is wrong. Master please help me resolve this and help Mei pass this test.” I sent forth righteous thoughts for a long time that day, eliminating all elements of evil interfering with Mei. It was the most concentrated and focused righteous thought I had sent in a long time, and it was very powerful.

I gradually found my problem: For a long time, I had often shared my understanding of the Fa with everyone in the group, and they all thought it was very good. Gradually, I became attached to my own understanding.

When fellow practitioners were in tribulations, I tended to use my own understanding to “educate” them. They might agree with me at the time, but it didn’t really bring real changes to them. From this incident with Mei, I realized that it was my attachment to my own understanding. I put myself too high. The attachment was like a wall, blocking fellow practitioners from making improvements on their own.

I went to see Mei the next day and apologized to her. We had a heart-to-heart talk. Afterward, she said to me, “I feel better after talking with you, I see hope.”

I told her: “When I let go of my attachment to self and we truly communicated on the basis of the Fa, the Fa changed you. All we have to do is let go of ourselves and humbly join hands with each other to move forward together.”

I am no longer affected by fellow practitioners’ superficial behavior, as it’s not their true selves. In the past, I was often anxious about fellow practitioners’ tribulation and it was all human sentimentality. When I failed to let go of my own perception, I may have unintentionally caused their tribulation to become even harder to pass.

Compassion Emerges After Letting Go of Self

In this process of letting go of my attachment to “self,” another thing I learned is that there are different layers to let go of at different levels. Some “selves” are visible and some are invisible and difficult to identify. If I stick to my understanding, it will be difficult to break through and improve.

The most typical manifestation is looking down on others, thinking that I know better than others. In fact, this is already very dangerous. During our cultivation, we need to constantly search within and let go of our attachments to self.

When I am able to let go of my attachment to self, I become humble, able to accommodate, and am appreciative and understanding of others. I am also able to cherish all lives. For fellow practitioners, I feel that they are precious and extraordinary, who have persevered through more than twenty years of persecution.

When I faced the police, I cherished the opportunity to meet with them, clarify the truth to them like friends, and help them identify with Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance.

I think only in this way can we live up to the expectations of all sentient beings. This is my understanding of compassion.

Recently, I began to work with a fellow practitioner on a project. At the end of the project, I had to take care of another urgent matter, so I handed it over to the practitioner. I wrote down the detailed process of how to finish the project.

Because she was not skilled in technology, it took her a long while, and still could not finish. She was upset. She thought I caused trouble for her and wanted to complain to me about it. When she met me again, my smiling face made her forget her complaint, as if nothing had happened. When she eventually told me the story, I was touched.

After going through this period of cultivation, when I was studying the Fa, I developed the humility and devotion to Master that came from my real self. I have been continuously enlightened to the principles of the Fa. Studying the Fa every day is the happiest thing. The magnificence and beauty of Dafa are beyond words

This is my experience at my level, and please kindly point out anything inappropriate.