(Minghui.org) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner from the province of Tucumán in the north of Argentina. I started practicing Falun Dafa in August 2017. At that time, I suffered from various illnesses, including chronic gastritis, irritable bowel syndrome, hiatal hernia, palpitations, insomnia, panic attacks, and stress, and I was undergoing psychiatric treatment.
Not only had my health deteriorated, but I also had a very bad character. My daughters were very young and I scolded them frequently. I also argued with my husband a lot, and I always complained about him and complained about his lack of interest in me. Our fights were caused by my jealousy and resentment. I lived submerged in feelings of injustice, and I felt that my whole life was chaotic.
After practicing Falun Dafa, all of my illnesses disappeared and the conflicts with my husband became less frequent. We learned to converse and find solutions to our conflicts, and in a very short time, our family recovered its harmony! In other words, Dafa gave me a second life.
I am fortunate to have a good cultivation environment, as my husband, two daughters, and my younger sister also cultivate Dafa.
Since I was very little, I had always pondered the meaning of life. I often lay on the ground looking up at the sky. I could feel that I came from some planet and my wish was to return home. I searched for the truth of my existence for many years, and for the reason that an inner voice had told me that I had come down to this world for an important mission.
Thanks to Falun Dafa, I now understand that the purpose of life is to return to one’s original true self. Dafa provides us with a stairway to heaven. I am so lucky to be able to practice Falun Dafa!
Starting to Practice Falun Dafa
After learning the exercises, I started reading Zhuan Falun straight away. I then talked about Falun Dafa with my sister, who is still practicing today. Since we were little we had experienced many supernatural situations that no one could ever explain to us, and now we had all the answers to our questions in our hands.
We read Zhuan Falun and did the exercises together. I suddenly understood a lot, and many things I read seemed familiar. I also told my husband about it and asked him to do the exercises and read this amazing book. My husband also began to cultivate, and my daughters agreed to do the exercises. Shortly after reading Zhuan Falun, my eldest daughter was able to see Master Li Hongzhi in her dreams and many scenes in other dimensions.
I gradually stopped listening to music that had deviant and immoral lyrics. I no longer liked going to parties, and I stopped going to places where alcohol was consumed and where loud music was played. I even started to lose interest in talk shows, television, and soap operas that I had watched when I was not a cultivator.
At first, I went through many sickness karma tribulations and felt discomfort all over my body. One day I had to get off the bus because I felt like I was going to faint, and when I got off I started to vomit a sticky black substance. I was not afraid and understood that my body was undergoing a cleansing. After having that thought, I felt light and went to work as if nothing had happened.
Learning the Meaning Of Cultivation and What It Means to Look Within
I have been practicing Falun Dafa for five years. I have gone through many ups and downs on my cultivation path, from being very diligent at first to falling into a total state of losing myself in everyday life and comfort. When I was busy I would make excuses for myself to not study the Fa or do the exercises. Every time I strayed from the Fa, I felt lonely, sad, and lost in this world. Despite that, I managed to come through to today. Thank you Master for not abandoning me and always encouraging and guiding me at crucial moments. My cultivation process has been filled with Master Li’s (Dafa’s founder) compassion and sacrifice.
I looked inwards as I wrote my sharing. When I was little, I developed a competitive, selfish mentality and I always saw fame as a way out of poverty. I was born into a very humble and affectionate home. At home, we never had any comfort, and we were always discriminated against for having many brothers and being poor. I developed feelings of inferiority, but what I was most marked by in my memories since I was very young was my jealousy, my capricious tantrums, and the hatred in my heart when I felt offended or mistreated.
When I got married, I looked for affection and care in my husband but received the opposite. He was a cold man and a little distant. That led us to constantly fight. I always complained about his lack of compassion.
Fortunately, when I learned Dafa, I was able to understand the meaning of life, the reason for my past, and I understood that our marriage had to do with our predestined relationship.
However, every time that I felt he was treating me unfairly, layers and layers of hatred and envy would resurface. When we had a conflict, he felt that I always thought I was right and that it was all his fault. Only when our conflicts became so intense did I finally remember to look inward and admit that I was wrong unconditionally. I decided to examine my problems, but it was a painful process. Only then did I realize that my human thoughts and notions had made me resist letting go of the hatred and resentment toward him.
Master said,
“We should treat everyone in the same way. We must be good to our parents and children and be considerate of others in all respects. Such a heart is thus unselfish, and it is a heart of kindness and benevolence. Sentimentality is something of everyday people, and everyday people just live for it.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
Did I put this into practice? I was always thinking about myself and complaining about others. I was looking outside, and thinking wasn't he being selfish. Wasn't I wrong? A practitioner must be a good person under any circumstances. Was I a good person? How wrong I was!
I realized that I had not given up sentiment and had a strong attachment to both lust and jealousy toward my husband.
Before I learned about Dafa, due to my feeling of unfairness about my husband‘s treatment of me, my lust, and my selfishness, I ended up betraying my husband and staining our marriage. To this day I feel ashamed about this, and many times I haven’t felt worthy of continuing cultivation. I ask for Master‘s forgiveness for the terrible sin I committed. I decided to tell my husband because I was about to fall into sentimentality with another man, and as I was cultivating myself this was already unacceptable. I had many doubts before telling my husband the truth and my heart was very heavy. I thought that telling him would be the best thing to do.
From that moment on, our entire cultivation environment changed. Our arguments became more and more frequent again, and when those layers of resentment returned we criticized each other and said hurtful things to each other, to the point of forgetting that we were Dafa cultivators. We both couldn't let go of our sentimentality or have compassion for each other. The old forces noticed our gaps, so every once in a while the hatred returned and the thought karma filled us with human notions that we couldn't let go of.
Over time, I could barely continue my cultivation, and I blamed him for not being compassionate toward me. When these quarrels came I rarely looked inward for my faults, and instead, I became discouraged and often thought about ending my life if my husband filed for divorce. Many times I let myself be controlled by anger, and I attempted to cause harm to my body and voluntarily hit myself. I didn’t realize that I was attached to not letting go of the sentiment for my husband, and this had prevented me from being diligent and was also delaying my husband’s cultivation.
I initially wondered how I would continue cultivation if we got divorced. How could we help our daughters understand the situation and help them to continue cultivating despite our not staying together? At one point I began to accept that divorce could be the way out of this conflict, even though it would be painful for us. But later, I realized that I was trying to escape from the conflict by allowing myself to hide my attachments. Since the attachments had been exposed, as a cultivator, I should confront them and completely eliminate them. I realized that I had to follow the requirements of the Fa. Otherwise, being wrapped up in these feelings and not letting them go would cause me harm and interfere with my husband and daughters. And if I didn't pass the test, I would no longer be able to do the three things well that Master asks us to do.
Looking deeper, I understood that as a practitioner couple, when we encounter conflicts, instead of arguing and looking for who is right and who is wrong, we should look inward, and eliminate human notions and stop harshly criticizing each other to avoid causing each other pain. As a result of attachments, we had opened a gap that had widened, and essentially the problems would not be solved that way. Without cultivating, elevating, or getting rid of the exposed attachments, the conflicts would return. That would happen if we still didn't have enough faith in Master and didn't treat ourselves as true cultivators.
Master said,
“Actually, making spiritual progress itself is not difficult; the difficulty is when you can’t let go of worldly emotions.” (Lecture Given at the Conference in Sydney)
The last time we discussed things, I asked my husband to not let our attachments interfere with us and to use righteous thoughts to support us from the Fa. We could manifest compassion to close the gap that we have left open.
After finding my attachments, I strengthened my study of Zhuan Falun, I also searched for articles on the Minghui website related to conflicts in practitioners’ marriages. This helped me see the root of my attachment to sentimentality. My heart filled with the sacred feelings of a practitioner. I no longer felt hate in my heart.
One day I shared my thoughts on the Fa with my husband. I asked him for us to try to help each other from the perspective of the Fa and to speak from the Fa in order to resolve our conflicts. We realized that we couldn't talk about these issues with ordinary people, only the Fa has the power to help us dissolve the layers and layers of attachments. My husband also looked inside himself to discover his attachments. I am deeply sorry for causing my family so much pain and for causing Master Li to bear so much. Thanks to his infinite mercy, we have continued together as a family of Dafa disciples walking on this glorious path, in the Fa-rectification period.
Master taught us,
“The Fa can break all attachments; the Fa can destroy all evil; the Fa can shatter all lies; and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“'Drive Out Interference”, The Essentials of Diligent Progress II)
Through this tribulation, I have realized that no matter what happens, we must first follow the Fa’s requirements. Once we look within and improve our xinxing, the problems can be solved. I hope that couples with situations similar to ours can let go of their human attachments, value their predestined relationship as a couple, help each other, fully fulfill their historic vows, and not fail to live up to sentient beings’ expectations.
The process of writing this article was also a time of cultivation for me. I now feel that my thoughts have become clearer, and I understand that my problem lies in sentimentality, envy, selfishness, and lust.
I firmly believe that everything I have achieved was due to Master’s reinforcement. Once again I am experiencing his infinite grace. Master, I don’t have enough words to express my deepest gratitude to you.
Thank you, Master!Thank you, fellow practitioners!
Since my level is limited, please point me out anything inappropriate in my sharing.
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