(Minghui.org) How we handle minor frictions with family members and others may seem ordinary and even trivial. However, they are like tests and are part of our cultivation journey.
My son and his family visited us. When there are more people in the house, there are more matters to attend to, and the challenges for a cultivator are increased. So how did I do during these tests? I felt I did well but when I examined my behavior, I realized that my cultivation state was quite messy. Just reflecting on the daily trivialities of the past few weeks revealed that my ordinary life and cultivation were still disconnected, and my score on this “exam” was almost zero.
My Resentment and Desire for Recognition
My wife (a practitioner) and I visited another practitioner’s home. They turned on two fans—one for them, and one for me while I was working on a Dafa project. It was almost time to send righteous thoughts, so they both walked out of the room. I stayed behind for a few more minutes and noticed they hadn’t turned off the fans. I thought: “Why are they in such a hurry? They left the fans on.” As I turned the fans off, I thought, “I should say something to them.” However, I quickly realized that my desire to comment was rooted in resentment, and it stemmed from a desire to show off. As a cultivator, I should do what was needed to be done and just turn the fans off.
A Small Matter Exposes My Wish To Show Off
While I recently handled some tasks, I took the opportunity to deliver a Falun Dafa book to a new practitioner. I planned to have a brief chat about the importance of studying the Fa. However, after I arrived, I saw that he was repairing a hot water kettle. I asked him what was wrong, and he said the switch was broken. Since I often did repairs in our cultivation projects and previously fixed things at his place before, I thought: “That’s simple!”
Without hesitating, I jumped in to help. However, I found that while taking the kettle apart was easy, putting it back together was difficult. After struggling for a long time and with my wife urging me to hurry, I had to leave without finishing the repair. As a result, I didn’t get to discuss the main topic either. When I thought about what happened, I realized: He was in the middle of a repair, and I intruded without being asked. Wasn’t I showing off? I wanted to demonstrate my skills and be praised.
A Self-Centered Perspective
My wife often said that I was very self-centered, but I disagreed and asked her to provide an example. She said, “You always have to be the one in charge. Even when we’re discussing something, if it doesn’t go your way, you talk on and on until people agree with you.
“When we took our grandson to the park by the river, I asked that you not stop the car on the grassy parking area. I asked to be dropped off, but you parked the car on the grass anyway, so we had to walk. You know I dislike the grass because it’s dusty and has bugs.”
I thought to myself: That’s true! At the time, my reasoning was that the grassy area was near the playground. If I made an extra stop, wouldn’t that waste fuel? I always thought from my own perspective and did not consider others—this was being self-centered and selfish!
Master told us: “ ... so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” in Essentials for Further Advancement) Aren’t these little details a true reflection of my inner self? If I don’t genuinely cultivate myself, how can I still call myself a cultivator?
Unable to Accept Criticism
My wife was doing housework while I cooked. I brought the food to the table and was about to grab a pair of chopsticks when she said, “You didn’t get me chopsticks.” I immediately snapped back: “Can’t you just get them yourself?” She pointed out that I was angry. When I thought about it later, I realized that she hadn’t said anything unreasonable. So why did I react with anger? I found that I felt pretty good about preparing the meal, but I resented her pointing out my shortcomings. It seemed I couldn’t accept criticism—I only wanted others to praise me. If I feared being criticized, how could I truly improve? Wasn’t this a major attachment?
Silently Supporting Others
After my wife washed the clothes, she asked me to hang them up and said, “Shake them out; there are bits of tissue paper on them. The kids had tissue in their pockets and forgot to remove it.” I responded with frustration, “Tell them it’s all over the washing machine.”
My wife gently replied, “They know; I forgot to check the pockets. We should silently support each other. If something isn’t done well, shouldn’t we just handle it instead of pointing fingers at others? Blaming others reflects a heart that lacks kindness.”
Looking Inward and Not Shifting the Blame
When my son’s family visited us, my grandson was taken back to his parents’ room after his bath. However, they began bringing him to our room, and said the child was looking for us. The night before they were to leave, it was already past 10, and they still hadn’t come to get the child.
I was a bit upset—it was so late, why didn’t they come for him? We needed to send righteous thoughts at midnight, and we usually did the exercises at 3 a.m. I was frustrated and said I’d take the child to them, but my wife immediately replied: “Look at your temper; can’t you just be patient? This is their last night; it’s just a little less sleep for us. Besides, you always blame others instead of reflecting on yourself. You kept teasing the child. He got excited and wanted to stay.” Sure enough, when we stopped playing with him, he started calling for his mom.
We must pay attention to even the smallest details in our lives, as they are essential steps on our cultivation path—they are all interconnected and can help us elevate. Each moment should be viewed as a significant test, and we should not casually ignore these opportunities. While I can’t expect to excel every time, I aim to treat myself as a cultivator and strive not to overlook any tests.
To help myself improve, I wrote down my reflections on how I handled trivial matters. I will constantly remind myself not to forget that I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner.
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Category: Improving Oneself
