(Minghui.org) I’ve only practiced Falun Dafa for a few years and I don’t feel I’ve been diligent in doing the three things. I recently realized that my state of mind while sending forth righteous thoughts (SFRT) isn’t good, especially when I send them at 12:00 a.m. My mind is not clear at all.
When I SFRT during the day, my palm is seldom upright and I have a hard time staying focused. When this happens, my mother reminds me. At first I didn’t mind, but when she frequently reminded me, I became annoyed. I told her to focus on SFRT herself and stop looking at me. I also told her I couldn’t stay calm because of her interference.
I sometimes moved so she couldn’t see me, and thought that she was sleepy.
One morning while we SFRT she quietly said, “I’d like to talk to you about something.”
“But I don’t want to talk to you.” I replied.
My mother told me that she saw big patches of black substances around my eyelids, and she could even see them with her eyes open.
I was shocked to hear this. I read about such things in sharing articles written by other practitioners. I realized it happened because I hadn’t SFRT properly lately and there were negative substances in my dimensional field. I also realized that Master was reminding me through my mother. I felt ashamed for having caused trouble for Master. I know that my cultivation state hasn’t been good lately, but instead of being diligent, I felt resentful towards my mother, who noticed my problems and kindly reminded me. I cultivated so poorly.
When I did the exercises with another practitioner last year, she kept telling me that some of my movements weren’t correct. Even though I remained calm on the surface, I was annoyed and thought: “Why are you watching me? What is your intention behind this? Your movements aren’t even as good as mine, and yet you always point your finger at me.” I felt really imbalanced. Now I realized that she was only trying to help me, and I should be grateful.
Master said,
“If you always reject reproaches and criticism, always point your fingers at others, and always refute others’ disapproval and criticism, is that cultivating? How is that cultivating? You have grown used to focusing on other people’s shortcomings, and never take examining your own self seriously. When others’ cultivation one day meets with success, what about you? Isn’t Master hoping that you are cultivating well? Why won’t you accept criticism, and why do you keep focusing on other people? Why not cultivate inward and examine your own self?” (Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles)
When I measured myself with Master’s Fa (teaching), I felt ashamed. Master talked about this issue previously, but I just now realized it. I started looking inwardand reflected on myself. I found many of my human attachments – I always try to save face, I enjoy being praised, and feel imbalanced when things don’t go my way; I dislike criticism and tend to look down on others; I often point fingers at others, feel jealous, and harbor resentment, etc. When anyone criticizes me, I think: “You haven’t done well yourself, yet you criticize me.”
All this is the Communist Party culture’s way of thinking. I was really shocked when I realized my attachments and my warped way of thinking. I feel truly grateful to Master, and to all fellow practitioners who pointed out my shortcomings.
Thank you, Master! Thank you fellow practitioners.
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