(Minghui.org) Resentment is a very stubborn attachment. I used to believe I had no particular strong human attachment because I did not care much for fame, profit, or sentiment. I was an introvert before becoming a Falun Dafa practitioner. I did not talk much and never wanted to hurt or fight others. When people mistreated me, I would ignore them. Through cultivation, I finally realized that I had an attachment to resentment which laid the groundwork for my persecution tribulation.
I was illegally arrested and sent to a detention center in April. Each cell had a lead detainee, and Touban was our lead. The cell was a bit cold, and Touban slept on a bed with three or four blankets left behind by someone who stayed in the cell for a month. Upon seeing me come in, Touban pulled out a blanket from her bed and laid it on my bed right away. I knew that Master Li was by my side, so I felt very warm in my heart.
A policewoman brought some things to me and left. Touban asked me to thank her. I felt stressed out and said, “Why should I thank her?” A thought flashed through my mind: “If it weren’t for the persecution by the police, I wouldn’t be here to begin with!” At the time, I didn’t know that the thought was a reflection of resentment.
After this incident, Touban and another detainee caused trouble for me over trivial things, such as not allowing me to wash my underwear in the basin. I did not have a clothes washing bowl to hold water, so I accidentally used Touban’s. She was not happy until I suggested that when I bought a new bowl, I would give it to her and use her old one.
I lost track of how much trouble they caused me. But no matter what happened, I kept Master’s teachings in mind to be a good person and to be nice to others wherever I went. I did more cleaning work, helped others wash clothes, and gave them food or daily necessities. I treated people kindly and regularly gave an egg from my breakfast to those who needed more nutritional meals.
Touban once experienced excruciating abdominal pain due to her menstrual period. I encouraged her to request permission to lie down instead of sitting on the bench at night. Someone asked the guards on behalf of Touban so she could lie down. I put a hot water bottle on her belly and covered her with a blanket. Afterwards, Touban started to have a good impression of me. Upon witnessing my kind deeds, the other detainees also had a good opinion of me and Falun Dafa. They were willing to talk to me about anything. Touban even told me apologetically, “Don’t you hate me after I did those things to you?” I said no.
After I got up early, washed, and had a meal, not much was going on. I was a person who liked to sleep in, so I often just lay in the corner when I had nothing to do. A guard saw me on the surveillance camera and ordered me to sit up. I began to feel that this was unjustified and thought, “I’ve done nothing bad nor have I committed any crime. I am here because of your persecution!”
I began to realize that, as long as my mind was not at peace, I was out of compliance with the universal Fa. However, I was unaware that resentment was the true culprit until I returned home. My interactions with my husband made me more fully realize my attachment to resentment.
While I was detained, my husband lost all our money after he fell for a fraud in which each participant who contributed was supposed to receive dividends. My husband was deceived and even borrowed 50,000 yuan from my eldest brother, 50,000 yuan from my second elder brother, and 50,000 yuan from my nephew who is my eldest brother’s son.
My nephew told me that he and his father only recovered 10,000 yuan from the money they invested. My second brother did not receive any money back. Because of this incident, my eldest sister-in-law resented my husband for not paying back the money he borrowed.
My son got married during my detention. After returning home, I wanted to follow the local custom to give my daughter-in-law a gift of a red envelope with a good amount of money inside. I asked my husband for money, but he said he had only two hundred yuan to his name. I became angry with him. From then on, I began to harbor resentment toward him.
I knew that my condition was wrong, so I refrained from getting angry and arguing with my husband. However, I was still resentful towards him for not making money in an upright manner and for seeking fortune through wicked ways.
In order to pay off his debts, I got up at 3:30 a.m. to work three jobs. But he used what he earned to pay his credit card balance, so I didn’t see a penny from him. After work, I prepared dinner for him, and he even criticized my cooking. His behavior made me feel even more resentful, and it was very challenging to get rid of this mindset.
When I woke up from a nap one day, this passage from the Fa came to my mind: “Under such difficult circumstances, this person is still not lost and wants to come back.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that Master was encouraging me. I was inspired and sensed that I should thank my husband because he was helping me to remove resentment. With Master’s enlightenment and blessing, I finally eliminated this attachment. I’m so grateful to Master!
After I let go of my resentment, my husband changed. During the China-Africa cooperation forum held by the Chinese Communist Party, the police came to our house to harass me again. In the past, my husband would cooperate with the police by taking them to find me at work, or calling me and telling me to return home. This time, he stood outside our house and sent the police away, while I was doing the Falun Dafa exercises.
It was difficult for me to remove my attachment to resentment. Without Master’s guidance, I could not have made it through such tribulations. My thanks to our great, compassionate Master for saving me!
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Category: Improving Oneself
