(Minghui.org) I’m 54 years old. In 2022, I decided to flee China with my wife (a Falun Dafa practitioner) to avoid persecution by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I’d like to tell you about my recent cultivation experience of breaking through a sickness karma tribulation.
When I woke up on the morning of April 22, 2024, I felt unwell. I went back to bed and fell asleep.
When I woke up that afternoon, I felt groggy. As soon as I sat down at the table, I lost consciousness. When I regained consciousness I was laying under the dining table, and I felt disoriented.
As I lost consciousness I heard my wife call out my name. She was in the bedroom and ran over and dragged me out from under the dining table.
I began vomiting. My body felt paralyzed and I felt like I was hovering between life and death. I said, “I don’t want to live ...” I previously couldn’t get through a xinxing test with my wife for a long time—I was angry with her every day, so I felt I would die soon.
My wife screamed and kept shouting that Dafa is good. She begged Master to help me, and repeatedly called my name. I felt she shouted too loudly, so I woke up and reminded her to not disturb the neighbors.
My relatives and friends knew that I practiced Dafa, so if I died this way wouldn’t they have negative thoughts about Falun Dafa? Of all the beings in the universe, I’m fortunate to practice Falun Dafa, but I want to give up my physical body because I can’t get through some small tribulation. I often say that others are stupid, but it seems that I’m the stupid one!
My wife helped me lie down in bed. My head hurt, I felt dizzy and I couldn’t think.
I Begin Looking Inward
I felt better the next day and I thought about this tribulation from the perspective of the Fa. Which attachments hadn’t I eliminated that caused this to happen? I found that after cultivating for twenty-seven years, I hadn’t gotten rid of a single attachment. Other practitioners often talk about the loopholes they identify when they have tribulations. When I look at myself, I’m full of loopholes and attachments.
Because I had so many attachments I didn’t know where to start. I decided to write down my most prominent ones and focus on eliminating them.
I found I had resentment, a fighting mentality, and an ego, and I looked down on other practitioners: I thought my wife had no consideration for me. I also felt the other practitioners were stupid, and the smart ones were selfish.
When I realized I had resentment, I remembered a practitioner who died because he couldn’t eliminate his resentment. I spoke to him while he was sick and told him he needed to let go of it. Now I found myself in a similar situation.
After I left China and moved to another country, every day before dawn I carried a banner and took a bus to practice the exercises in front of the Chinese Embassy, which was near the sea. It was bitterly cold in the winter. By the time I got home, it was afternoon, but my wife didn’t prepare any food. So even though I was cold and hungry, I had to cook.
Because there are no toilets near the embassy, I didn’t drink much water or eat anything. I couldn’t get over the fact that she didn’t cook, so one day I went home early to see what she was doing. As soon as I entered the house, I saw she was in bed sleeping. I was so angry! I was so cold and hungry that I laid down on my bed and fell asleep.
When I woke up, I heard her in the kitchen and I thought that she was cooking. My heart calmed down. But, when I entered the kitchen she said, “I have to study the Fa.” She was studying the Fa in the kitchen and hadn’t cooked anything. It was already after 3:00 p.m. I didn’t look at the situation from the perspective of the Fa, so I didn’t realize this was a cultivation opportunity—instead, I measured it with an ordinary person’s notion. As a result, my resentment grew.
In the blink of an eye, it was summer. I was in charge of an activity in the park every Sunday, and I had all the banners and display boards. One Sunday after the event, I pulled the cart with the banners and boards downstairs outside my house. I met my wife who was also going upstairs. I thought she had been to the supermarket, but she said she had just returned home after she practiced the exercises near our house.
When I entered the kitchen, I saw the rice in the rice cooker was ready, but the pork ribs and beans were on the board, waiting for me to come back and cook. It was almost 7:00 p.m. I thought my wife’s heart was too ruthless—it was already so late but she didn’t cook the meal! I complained that she decided to go out and practice the exercises so late! She didn’t work all afternoon, why couldn’t she practice earlier? Instead, she decided to practice when it was time to cook! By the time I got the food ready, it was after 8:00 p.m.
After this incident, I stopped talking to her, unless I had something important to say. I seldom cooked. After I ate I washed my dishes and chopsticks.
I didn’t realize this was a cultivation test to help me improve. I also gradually slacked off on doing the exercises and reading the Fa. I spent my free time watching the news on my phone or computer. Every day I watched the progress of the war in Ukraine, and so on. I often wondered why my marriage was so bad.
Because I felt depressed for a long time, I looked very serious. More than one practitioner commented that I looked frightening. I knew that my state was not right, but I just couldn’t improve. If it wouldn’t make Dafa look bad, I would have filed for a divorce. I thought about moving out and asked a social worker to help me apply for an apartment.
I Stop Going Along with the Persecution
As I lay in bed for the next few days I examined myself to find my shortcomings. My mindset gradually improved. My wife began cooking and took care of me. My resentment was under control. The block of ice in my heart melted, and my body also recovered.
Before this happened, I became angry whenever the other practitioners disagreed with me. My fighting mentality was very strong. Because I’m articulate the other practitioners can’t argue with me.
I didn’t cultivate my speech. I often said whatever I wanted, and when my temper flared up I didn’t care about other people’s feelings. I didn’t care if they accepted what I said or how it hurt them.
On the morning of the twenty-fourth day, I developed a high fever and had hallucinations—my entire body hurt and I felt like I was about to die.
I felt better after I did the exercises. I suddenly realized that this situation wasn’t correct: Why didn’t this tribulation end! I couldn’t participate in any Falun Dafa activities, wasn’t this interference? Why did this go on for so long? I realized that when I looked inward at my shortcomings, I quietly accepted my situation, thinking that I had a loophole in my cultivation, so I was exploited. I told myself to walk slowly and wear a helmet when I went out. I was afraid I’d faint again. I was going along with the persecution, and I didn’t deny it.
Even if there were loopholes in my cultivation, the old forces didn’t have the right to persecute me. I only follow the path arranged by Master, and I shouldn’t go along with this persecution. Master was eliminating my karma, and in the process of eliminating karma, I will find my shortcomings, eliminate my attachments, and improve myself.
After finding the deeply hidden mindset of “accepting,” I went downstairs and got on my bicycle. I stopped thinking that I had to be careful, or that I couldn’t exercise vigorously—that I needed to recover slowly like a patient, or that I had to pay attention to this and that.
Although my head still felt uncomfortable I reminded myself that I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner and I’m fine. The old forces cannot interfere with me!
I remembered what Master said:
“When a tribulation arrives, if you, a disciple, can truly maintain an unshakable calm or be determined to meet different requirements at different levels, this should be sufficient for you to pass the test. If it continues endlessly and if there do not exist other problems in your xinxing or conduct, it must be that the evil demons are capitalizing on the weak spots caused by your lack of control. After all, a cultivator is not an ordinary human.” (“Expounding on the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Because I felt better I couldn’t control myself and I watched the news on the Internet. I watched for nearly two hours, and I went to bed at midnight. But I later realized the news is for ordinary people, and I was happy that I found this hidden attachment.
When I woke up the next morning, I knew that I passed this test. It took 25 days but I completely recovered.
After this lesson, I have learned what it truly means to cultivate oneself. I used to focus on finding my attachments and shortcomings, and then target them. But I now focus on consciously cultivating my thoughts and measuring them with the Fa when I encounter problems.
There are no trivial things in cultivation, and often small things are easy to ignore. Focusing on the big attachment does not work for me. When the small things are fixed, the big attachments will naturally weaken, and they will be completely cultivated away.
Although there’s still a big gap between myself and diligent practitioners, I finally know how to cultivate. I never apologized to anyone before. If I knew I was wrong, I didn’t argue and that was how I admitted my mistake. I had a big ego and I wanted to be praised.
I argued with another practitioner a few days ago. After he left, I realized I had made the same mistake, so I immediately wrote him an apology message. This time I really saw my own shortcomings from the bottom of my heart, and this was the first time I apologized to anyone.
I now pay attention to my xinxing. I speak a lot more calmly, and I know how to control my emotions. My facial expression is also peaceful. The psoriasis that bothered me for more than 30 years is gone.
During this tribulation, not only did I eliminate my karma, I also improved my xinxing. I am grateful to great and compassionate Master for saving me! Thank you for your compassion! I know how to cultivate diligently now, please rest assured!
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Category: Cultivation Insights
